riverviewlogs | ( closed ) those eyes you know i think of them still sometimes

who: jesse mccree & genji shimada
what: old friends, old memories, and fireflies. SURELY a recipe for SUCCESS
when: 4-30 or so
where: from the perimeter guard outposts to probably a riverfront or some shit idk
warnings: none!

[ jesse's been good about slapping the fireflies away when they get too close. they're easy to see at all hours of the day, and he's never been the kind to be bothered by bugs anyway; he has good memories of long stakeout nights with crickets as his only company.

he knows one eventually got him by the scruff of the neck, though, because he can't stop scratching that bite underneath the collar of his shirt—and of course it'd happen when he had plans to meet genji after his shift at the perimeter guard. the outpost is quiet at this time of night, third-shifters rotating in on jesse's night off. he steps inside and catches the light green gleam of genji's body armor by the exit.

it's still odd to see genji like this. past the obvious physical differences in appearance, there's no denying the fact that the change that's come over genji over the past few years has been a complete one: every gesture feels different, like all the things he used to keep wound up tight inside have been allowed to unravel, slowly and at their own leisure, until they filled his limbs with purpose. jesse's glad for him, without a doubt, but it also leaves him a little in the lurch. they'd had a lot in common before, a couple of dangerous strays taken in by a master that had been their one and only absolute; he's less sure about what they have now—about what genji thinks of him, all these years gone by and jesse mccree still the same.

he scratches the back of his neck with one hand and raises the other in friendly salute. ]

Hey, partner. [ he's grinning. ] You ready to get goin'?

[ jesse's still pleased as punch at the sight of him, at least, inordinately so. yeah, he's always been slow to change. ]

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I thought we could take it easy tonight. Been meanin' to scope out that riverfront.

[ with its surprisingly clean beachy areas, places to sit and consider the world. there's plenty to catch up on and plenty of ground to cover from one end of the shore to the other. ]

Check out the real estate, if you know what I mean.

[ not that jesse has ever had much consideration for pursuing housing nicer or more complex than a mattress on the floor. ]

[ A nod. ] I have been meaning to as well. No time like the present.

[ He's thought about going there to meditate, but he has yet to venture outside of the balcony of the housing to do so. Rolling waves were always a soothing sound. But truthfully, he'd rather see it first with good company.

Genji snorts. ] Ah yes, we should see if there are any free mansions for us to move into.

[ he laughs, low and sweet. it'll be a short walk from here to one of the splitting trails that leads down to the riverside, fifteen minutes if they don't take it too easy—but it wouldn't be so bad, to take it easy with genji at his side. their first few weeks in this town have been a kind of low-grade hell for jesse, who before had neatly periodized his life in some dubious after overwatch schema. and even though he and genji have had plenty of time to talk alone, he's not sure they've been able to do it for real yet without the past coming alive and making waves around them. it'll be nice just to relax.

they used to do this back then, too, go off on their own together. he's tried to put those days out of mind too, but the thought resurfaces occasionally, a disturbance of its own. just be a pal, mccree, he thinks to himself. ]

You're jokin' now, but I [ ah ] think we could use the space. Feels like I'm breathin' down everyone's neck in those units. [ and then, amused: ] And everybody I know's a light sleeper.

[ It has certainly been something, that's for sure. Ten years ago he probably would not have been able to handle it.

Honestly it had been a lot more frustrating that he'd let on. He had a plan before, for how he would reconcile with his brother and everything... but they were brought here and all of it had to be tossed out the window. And then Rey — Reaper — bringing up things he had no right to. It was sorely tempting to run into the forest and just hack and trees and scream for a good hour. Or try to get drunk.

Genji, at least, has learned good self control... sometimes. He's noticed it seems to ease when he's around McCree. (He tries not to think of what that lead to years ago either.) Genji chuckles again. ] I have wondered if it's what a sardine feels like, it's true. [ Even the Blackwatch bunks weren't that packed. Well, not that anybody ever wanted to room with him in the first place. ] I am sure if we all save money we can find a different place.

[ We, all three of them. It seems wrong to not include McCree in plans, it comes out so easily. ]

[ that does make him glance sideways, the suggestion. sure, he hadn't exactly pictured living on his own once he'd known genji was here, but it's kind of a weird thought, the three of them under one roof. not bad weird, just unexpected. there are members of the old gang he knows would be easy to play house with; he knows the old genji wouldn't have been one of them, but this new iteration might be, with his easy smiles and all the tension that used to live in his shoulders drained away. ]

Oh, so the problem is I'm not breathin' down your neck enough, is what yer sayin'.

[ That gets a genuine laugh, a light and airy sort of sound. Genji meets his glance, raising an eyebrow a little, as a cheeky little smile pulls at his scarred lips. ] You caught me. I can never get anything past you, can I?

[ He's teasing, obviously, but there might have been a little... unintentional flirtiness to his words. Well, it happens. They were always rather good at bantering anyway. ]

[ he chuckles too. ]

If I knew you missed me that bad I would've hoofed it to Nepal myself.

[ never mind that he did go to japan, eventually. not for long. he likes to think he was out there seeing the world out of uniform for a minute, but as train and freighter and long winding sidewalks took his booted feet to hanamura, there was a second where he wondered about himself, what he expected to find at the end of that path. ]

[ That's— That's kind of flattering, in a way. Genji absently scratches at the spot the bug bit as he thinks about that, Jesse McCree up in the snowy mountains of the monastery. Serape bound tight and probably hollering about how cold it is, trying to cross his long legs the right way to meditate.

It's kind of a nice thought. Maybe if — when — they leave this place, he can take him there. Show him the place that finally gave him serenity.

These are certainly sentimental thoughts and he wonders why they're all bubbling to the surface. He smiles warmly and looks ahead again. ] It is a long and harsh walk up those mountains without a guide, but I think you could have managed.

I might've. When you left I was in all kinds of ways.

[ he thought he'd accepted the reality that genji would leave someday early on—the fact was that anyone who spoke to him for longer than fifteen minutes might have guessed that blackwatch wasn't home for him, never could be. there was only so long a man with a rebel nature could stay in a place where they painted a logo on his armor. but that didn't make it easier, turning the corners to empty hallways, the sight of genji's old sparse room even sparser for its vacancy.

there's a long cobblestoned sidewalk that diverges towards the riverfront. the path is a popular area for morning runs, but jesse leads them off the smaller path instead that takes them through reeds. the green will eventually give way to sand; the brighter lights from the city behind leave the path in darkness, illuminated mostly by yellowing street lamps, dots of rainbow color from the city's harmless insect swarm. ]

Now, I never did reckon it was up to me, but you can't help thinkin' about the things you could've said. What you should've.

[ he doesn't know why his mouth keeps running. he feels like his train of thought is chugging along without him, despite the leisurely pace of his steps, his hands safe in his pockets despite the compulsion to reach. ]

But we weren't much for talkin' back then, were we.

[ He remembers when he left. Honestly, he didn't think anybody would miss him. Genji was so far down in his spiral of self hatred and dysphoria he was convinced of it. So many times he felt pathetic for missing Jesse, all the nights spent with the Bedouin where he nearly wrote him a letter, so many times in the monastery where he told Master some funny story of the cowboy. After a while he just... didn't think it was an option. It had been so long, until the Recall notice. He'd be lying if a little flutter of hope hadn't appeared in his chest at the thought of seeing him again.

It's certainly beautiful past the reeds and into the sand. Genji's glad he can appreciate these things now. He takes in a deep breath of the night air and runs a hand over his hair, brushing it back from his forehead. Closing his eyes when Jesse speaks again, he responds with a faint hum from the back of his throat. ] I wish I had been able to be more open with you, back then. I realize now I was not the only one hurting.

[ He finds the same desire, to touch his arm or loop a hand around his bicep as they walk. Odd. Genji chuckles a little and scratches at the firefly bite lightly. ] But no, we were not. We were always more... preoccupied.

( closed ) those eyes you know i think of them still sometimes

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