Ivar "The Boneless" Ragnarsson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ragnarsson) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2018-06-23 11:37 pm
ragnarsson) wrote in riverviewlogs2018-06-23 11:37 pm
It only hurts when I'm breathing
who: Ivar and OTA
what: Catch-all for the month
when: Last week of June
where: All over the city
warnings: Drunk teenager. Fighting monsters in animal form. Ivar being Ivar.
A. Numb the feelings
In the past three months, Ivar had lost four people he cared about. Two he was in love with or maybe he would have been if he thought himself capable of being in love with anyone. It had hurt to lose Letha and Marco, but he thought he'd be able to work past it with enough time. People came, people went. That was life.
To lose his father and Athelstan was worse. They were family and he'd not realized how much he'd come to rely on them during his time here. He and Ragnar had butted heads a lot, but Ivar had finally gotten close to him in a way he'd never gotten the chance to back home. The priest had likewise managed to get his way past the teen's defenses and become a close confidant. They had told him they were leaving. Despite his usual stoicism, Ivar had managed to finally tell them he loved them just before they were gone.
He was unable to really cope with the emotions that had come afterwards. Really, Ivar was only equipped to handle one at a time, so dealing with sadness, loss, grief, and regret altogether was too much for him. So he did the only thing a true Viking would to numb the pain: he went out and got drunk every night for a week. He'd just sit at the bar and drink until he either passed out or was tossed out for causing a ruckus. Though the expression on his face wouldn't suggest it, he could really use some company during these outings.
B. The animal side of things
The other way he found to get rid of feelings was by shifting into an entirely different form. He'd become a dog, or cat, or any number of the other forms that he could take. He just let his mind sink under the instincts and roam the city for an hour at a time. Anyone who encountered him in these forms would find an animal willing to be pet and cuddled for any length of time. Being in animal form was the only way Ivar could allow himself any sort of positive contact with other people.
Of course, that wasn't to say all his forms were sunshine and light. He'd go out beyond the wall and transform into the giant alien form that resembled a cross between a bull and a lion, allowing the predatory instincts to lead him to fight monsters out in the trees. It didn't matter how battered he got from these bouts, morphing back to his human form always took care of any injuries. He wouldn't mind company during these outings, just so long as he got to wreck havoc.
what: Catch-all for the month
when: Last week of June
where: All over the city
warnings: Drunk teenager. Fighting monsters in animal form. Ivar being Ivar.
A. Numb the feelings
In the past three months, Ivar had lost four people he cared about. Two he was in love with or maybe he would have been if he thought himself capable of being in love with anyone. It had hurt to lose Letha and Marco, but he thought he'd be able to work past it with enough time. People came, people went. That was life.
To lose his father and Athelstan was worse. They were family and he'd not realized how much he'd come to rely on them during his time here. He and Ragnar had butted heads a lot, but Ivar had finally gotten close to him in a way he'd never gotten the chance to back home. The priest had likewise managed to get his way past the teen's defenses and become a close confidant. They had told him they were leaving. Despite his usual stoicism, Ivar had managed to finally tell them he loved them just before they were gone.
He was unable to really cope with the emotions that had come afterwards. Really, Ivar was only equipped to handle one at a time, so dealing with sadness, loss, grief, and regret altogether was too much for him. So he did the only thing a true Viking would to numb the pain: he went out and got drunk every night for a week. He'd just sit at the bar and drink until he either passed out or was tossed out for causing a ruckus. Though the expression on his face wouldn't suggest it, he could really use some company during these outings.
B. The animal side of things
The other way he found to get rid of feelings was by shifting into an entirely different form. He'd become a dog, or cat, or any number of the other forms that he could take. He just let his mind sink under the instincts and roam the city for an hour at a time. Anyone who encountered him in these forms would find an animal willing to be pet and cuddled for any length of time. Being in animal form was the only way Ivar could allow himself any sort of positive contact with other people.
Of course, that wasn't to say all his forms were sunshine and light. He'd go out beyond the wall and transform into the giant alien form that resembled a cross between a bull and a lion, allowing the predatory instincts to lead him to fight monsters out in the trees. It didn't matter how battered he got from these bouts, morphing back to his human form always took care of any injuries. He wouldn't mind company during these outings, just so long as he got to wreck havoc.
no subject
Then you must decide whether that destiny is worth the pain.
no subject
[He rests his chin on his folded arms again on the bar. He knows what he has to do. He just doesn't want to do it. For all that Ivar is clever and smart, he's still only eighteen. Sometimes, it's too much for a teen to handle on his own.]
no subject
I'm sure you do, but it doesn't always offer comfort.
no subject
You're a good listener.
no subject
I would have to be.
no subject
I'd better get back to my daughter. I'll never leave her the way her mother left. Twice. She won't have to grow up without a father like I did.
no subject