Teddy. ( all of this is hard. every step of it is. the whole thing with loki still needs to be--dealt with. figured out. he doesn't want to break up with either of them and therein lies the problems that caused all of this. maybe being alone is better. less destructive for all of them. billy's gone out into the jungle with a tent once, he can do it again.
and maybe once everything has settled they can figure out a relationship that won't hurt them. that won't cause problems like this. billy pulls teddy back into him, buries his face in against his shoulder. )
I want you to be part of my life, okay? It doesn't matter what's easier, what's harder, we've--been through worse, we can survive this. We'll be okay. And just--just because everything is a complicated mess and I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore doesn't mean I love you any less, either.
[He lets Billy pull him back in, bringing up his arms slowly around him to hold on. He tips his head in as well, resting it against Billy's tiredly.]
I'm not sure what I'm doing either, you know... [And he doesn't think he should return that 'I love you' right now either. Not when it's too hard to say it and mean it in just a friendly way.]
... Okay. We'll get through this. [He lets out a slow, steadying breath.] Maybe you don't love me any less, but-- you definitely moved on, made a new life for yourself that doesn't include me, that-- can't include me like it used to. I still have to figure that out, and it's-- still going to take time to get over.
( hugging and comforting each other in an entirely friendly manner is absolutely fine. it feels nice, to be close to teddy again. to be comfortable with him, even if it is just soft hugs and being comfy close to someone. )
We are still just teenagers, you know. I think part of the whole being teenagers thing is never having any idea what you're doing at any time. ( teddy wanted someone to pet his hair, to tell him it's going to be okay, that they'll figure it out, and that's--what billy's intending to do, running fingers through blond strands as he closes his eyes. slackens a little. )
But we've got time. We'll work this out. I don't know how yet, but--we'll get there.
[He huffs out a tired, amused noise as h lets his eyes drift shut. If Billy wants to pet his hair right now and tell him things will be okay-- well. He'll take it. It's kind of nice, being in that role for a change.]
( teddy's always been the one petting his hair, telling him everything would e okay, that they'd get through a bad situation, that no matter what they'd work through it. being able to be that person for him is something billy should have worked at a long time ago, honestly. not here, but back home, when they were all falling to bits. he had been so centered on his own problems, that--god, billy tried a little but everything had been about him, not teddy. and that's not how any of this should have been. should have worked out. fingers brush soft against his scalp, coming through strands with a soft hum under his breath.
even with his eyes closed, he's not seeing the terrors of before. no, there's the soft scent of teddy, the warmth of his touch, the security he feels within those arms and--
god, it's been so long since he's actually closed his eyes and slept, can billy really be blamed for passing out against him? he's out like a light, weight slumping down near-immediately. )
[Teddy almost feels himself dozing off too, succumbing to exhaustion. His body just desperately wants some sleep, and Billy is there, with his fingers in his hair, something he's just... kind of weak to.
It's everything he tried to tell himself not to fall into, not to do... but-- they can do friendly distance later. Besides, it doesn't take long to realize Billy's breath is evening out, that he's falling asleep... he needs it. Probably more than Teddy does.
Teddy has just enough sense to do some describe shifting to get the ice cream safely out of the way of certain disaster on his couch before he lets himself lean a little more heavily against Billy, letting himself nod off finally. Thankfully, there's no dreams of torture or dissection, no burning mothers or dreams of losing everyone he cares about. Just peaceful nothingness, with Billy wrapped around him.]
( being able to fall asleep is great. it's been--well. a bit before getting kidnapped since billy was able to comfortably doze off. feel safe enough to let himself relax. and teddy's arms are a great deterrent to anything unsafe; he's absolutely certain that nothing could get through teddy if he was determined enough.
but those don't stop his subconscious from ruining the bit of peace he did get. behind his eyes the warden pulls out a scalpel, billy's tongue is gone, not a word passes his lips and if watching teddy suffer again wasn't bad enough--
it's the firey appearance of someone else that has billy's eyes flying open barely a couple hours into falling asleep, taking in a deep gasping breath as he shoves off of teddy. eyes glow a soft blue as he chokes back a scream, raises both hands up to his mouth and just. takes another moment. tries to gather himself. this isn't there, teddy is safe, teddy's right in front of him. billy just--needs to breathe. )
[The shove wakes Teddy up, gives him a start that sends his heart racing and his eyes shooting open to dart around. For a crazed moment, he thinks someone is in his apartment, that there's some sort of danger that Billy is reacting to, but-- no.
No, there's nothing there.
But Billy looks like he's freaking out.]
Hey-- hey. Billy--
[All he can think to do is try to gather him back up, pull him in.]
It's okay... it was just a dream, okay? It's nothing.
( there's no need to fight teddy. he's safe--as safe as it gets, really. billy lets himself be pulled in easy enough, nose flared as he tries to will himself to calm down. there's nothing here except teddy. )
Yeah, sorry. I just--
( hard to sleep when even his brain is trying to fucking terrify him. a slow deep breath in through his nose, exhaled through lips. rinse and repeat. )
( another moment to gather himself and billy narrows his eyes. shifts those hands to press palms to teddy's cheeks instead, squishes his face between hands while pursing his lips. )
I know, Tee. And you're very good at it. But it's Teddy day, not Billy day.
Well-- you're the one who said you weren't going to stay long...
[And maybe he wasn't-- terribly friendly at first. It's hard to know how he's supposed to act around Billy, especially when they've been a couple for so long.
And maybe they'll get back to that, if he really wants Teddy to stay part of his life, but-- Billy is insisting he wants a break in general... and Teddy should probably give it to him.
And probably not insist he stay, even if being alone is really... not fun.]
You can do whatever you want, Billy... although I'd at least like to know you're not going home to sulk on a windowsill.
[Not that he's doing much better-- but he promised Loki he'd keep an eye on him and he wants to regardless if he can.]
I'm here. Not stuck inside my own head. I'd say that's step one of not ending up on a windowsill.
( he knows what teddy's asking for, at least: not to get stuck inside his own depression, not to try ceasing to exist for several months. billy can do that. or he can put in his best effort. zoning out won't help him, it won't help anyone else around him--and he's here.
a hand reaches into his back pocket, pulls out his cell phone and texts teddy his new address. ) My room's on the eastern side. There's a smallish balcony. I'll leave the door unlocked.
I think we're years passed having anything to hide, Altman.
( since that's done and decided, billy--gets up, starts sliding his shoes back on. sleep deprivation makes him a little unsteady on his feet, but he's fine. mostly. )
You know better than anyone how dumb it'd be to sneak up on me.
( shoes slid on, it takes an extra moment to press toes to the ground, slide on the backs of them so they don't slip off. tying laces takes Effort and like hell is he taking the extra two seconds for that.
but he does look up to teddy when asked. raises a brow. )
( hugs are always absolutely amazing and billy doesn't waste time before wrapping arms around teddy, holding onto him with all the strength he's got in his arms. )
I love you, too. The mess at the hospital was on me, I--don't blame you or anything.
[He lets out a sigh when Billy returns the hug, letting himself hold on for a few more moments before he starts to pull away. Billy might not blame him, but he still kind of wishes things could have gone differently.]
( a hand presses over teddy's shoulder, and billy--leans in a bit, presses an easy kiss to his cheek before taking a step back and turning around to head out. he checked on teddy, teddy's still alive, he's--functioning, that's what's important. )
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and maybe once everything has settled they can figure out a relationship that won't hurt them. that won't cause problems like this. billy pulls teddy back into him, buries his face in against his shoulder. )
I want you to be part of my life, okay? It doesn't matter what's easier, what's harder, we've--been through worse, we can survive this. We'll be okay. And just--just because everything is a complicated mess and I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore doesn't mean I love you any less, either.
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I'm not sure what I'm doing either, you know... [And he doesn't think he should return that 'I love you' right now either. Not when it's too hard to say it and mean it in just a friendly way.]
... Okay. We'll get through this. [He lets out a slow, steadying breath.] Maybe you don't love me any less, but-- you definitely moved on, made a new life for yourself that doesn't include me, that-- can't include me like it used to. I still have to figure that out, and it's-- still going to take time to get over.
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We are still just teenagers, you know. I think part of the whole being teenagers thing is never having any idea what you're doing at any time. ( teddy wanted someone to pet his hair, to tell him it's going to be okay, that they'll figure it out, and that's--what billy's intending to do, running fingers through blond strands as he closes his eyes. slackens a little. )
But we've got time. We'll work this out. I don't know how yet, but--we'll get there.
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[He huffs out a tired, amused noise as h lets his eyes drift shut. If Billy wants to pet his hair right now and tell him things will be okay-- well. He'll take it. It's kind of nice, being in that role for a change.]
Yeah.
[He lets out a sigh, a little on the shaky side.]
I'll believe you, Kaplan.
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even with his eyes closed, he's not seeing the terrors of before. no, there's the soft scent of teddy, the warmth of his touch, the security he feels within those arms and--
god, it's been so long since he's actually closed his eyes and slept, can billy really be blamed for passing out against him? he's out like a light, weight slumping down near-immediately. )
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It's everything he tried to tell himself not to fall into, not to do... but-- they can do friendly distance later. Besides, it doesn't take long to realize Billy's breath is evening out, that he's falling asleep... he needs it. Probably more than Teddy does.
Teddy has just enough sense to do some describe shifting to get the ice cream safely out of the way of certain disaster on his couch before he lets himself lean a little more heavily against Billy, letting himself nod off finally. Thankfully, there's no dreams of torture or dissection, no burning mothers or dreams of losing everyone he cares about. Just peaceful nothingness, with Billy wrapped around him.]
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but those don't stop his subconscious from ruining the bit of peace he did get. behind his eyes the warden pulls out a scalpel, billy's tongue is gone, not a word passes his lips and if watching teddy suffer again wasn't bad enough--
it's the firey appearance of someone else that has billy's eyes flying open barely a couple hours into falling asleep, taking in a deep gasping breath as he shoves off of teddy. eyes glow a soft blue as he chokes back a scream, raises both hands up to his mouth and just. takes another moment. tries to gather himself. this isn't there, teddy is safe, teddy's right in front of him. billy just--needs to breathe. )
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No, there's nothing there.
But Billy looks like he's freaking out.]
Hey-- hey. Billy--
[All he can think to do is try to gather him back up, pull him in.]
It's okay... it was just a dream, okay? It's nothing.
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Yeah, sorry. I just--
( hard to sleep when even his brain is trying to fucking terrify him. a slow deep breath in through his nose, exhaled through lips. rinse and repeat. )
Didn't mean to fall asleep. I'll get over it.
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[He shifts a little bit, arms tightening around him a little more.]
No one's here except us.
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( arms back up and wrapped around teddy's neck, where billy lets them settle. leans back a bit after steadying his breathing. )
We're safe.
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[And he doesn't particularly-- want to, if Billy and Loki both seem to want him to stick around.]
But- yeah. We are. It'd be hard to sneak up on us here...
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I know, Tee. And you're very good at it. But it's Teddy day, not Billy day.
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Have it your way then. Bu if we're not sleeping, then-- what are we going to do exactly? More movies?
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( hands off teddy's face and billy shifts back a bit to get out of his personal space. deep breaths. he's got this. he's fine. )
I'll go home. Work through my own movie stack. Unless you want me to stay.
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[And maybe he wasn't-- terribly friendly at first. It's hard to know how he's supposed to act around Billy, especially when they've been a couple for so long.
And maybe they'll get back to that, if he really wants Teddy to stay part of his life, but-- Billy is insisting he wants a break in general... and Teddy should probably give it to him.
And probably not insist he stay, even if being alone is really... not fun.]
You can do whatever you want, Billy... although I'd at least like to know you're not going home to sulk on a windowsill.
[Not that he's doing much better-- but he promised Loki he'd keep an eye on him and he wants to regardless if he can.]
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( he knows what teddy's asking for, at least: not to get stuck inside his own depression, not to try ceasing to exist for several months. billy can do that. or he can put in his best effort. zoning out won't help him, it won't help anyone else around him--and he's here.
a hand reaches into his back pocket, pulls out his cell phone and texts teddy his new address. ) My room's on the eastern side. There's a smallish balcony. I'll leave the door unlocked.
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[At least he can drop off Billy's housewarming gift, that way... check on him. Make sure he's keeping his word.]
I can. I've mostly been going out at night anyway... I can at least drop by sometimes, if you want.
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( since that's done and decided, billy--gets up, starts sliding his shoes back on. sleep deprivation makes him a little unsteady on his feet, but he's fine. mostly. )
You know better than anyone how dumb it'd be to sneak up on me.
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[He pushes himself up after Billy, hesitating for a moment before--]
Hey, Billy? Look at me for a second...
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but he does look up to teddy when asked. raises a brow. )
Yeah?
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He figures they could both use it.]
Just-- I love you, okay? I'm sorry I left you at the hospital. I just-- got overwhelmed, I guess.
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I love you, too. The mess at the hospital was on me, I--don't blame you or anything.
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I'll-- I'll see you tonight?
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( a hand presses over teddy's shoulder, and billy--leans in a bit, presses an easy kiss to his cheek before taking a step back and turning around to head out. he checked on teddy, teddy's still alive, he's--functioning, that's what's important. )