riverviewlogs | It's a party, ya'll

[His hand moved to her hip to stabilize her, but ended up being more to stabilize him. He wasn't used to Alex doing things like this. She'd always been bouncy and feely. This, was completely different. He knew she'd notice the held breath as his mind tried to process the sensation of it all. This was not something he had ever been privy to.

Taking a moment to hold her there, recovering from his momentary lack of ability to think, he finally leaned down and whispered back over her ear.]

Is that so Ms. Reagan?

[Alex didn't need stabilization, at least not before he'd put his hand on her hip anyway. Maybe she needed it a little more after and leaned into him with an easy grin. Despite having many charms at her disposal when she wanted to use them (and often times when she didn't, because they were just part and parcel of the Alex Reagan experience) she was quickly coming to realize something that she'd already suspected before they were doing this.

Whatever else she could do, all Strand needed to do was to break out that voice and she was like audible putty in his hands. It really wasn't at all fair, especially when he had a much faster recovery time than Alex did after she just grinned and sort of formed against him for a moment, not quite clinging but definitely flush with him.]

Of course, Dr. Strand. I know you'd expect nothing less than tangible data on the subject.[She did keep her voice low when she said it.]

[This was, new. Amazingly new. It wasn't something he had ever expected have to expect, but Richard was sure he could work with this. Alex's body flush against him felt new and different, but not wrong in any way. He had to wonder if this was how the night would have ended if he hadn't been pulled into this discussion, if they would have found themselves together, like this.

The part of him that wanted to fun away with her would like to think so.

His hand slid around her back, holding her close as he whispered against her ear.]

We should go home, Alex.

[Talking about running away when the lives of two people someone you loved cared for were on the line and the whole fate of the world might be in your hands didn't exactly lend itself to a situation that involved flirting. But then again, when had the two of them ever done things in anything approaching a normal way? They'd practically been living together for months without even being in a relationship, and now they were officially in one and they hadn't even kissed yet.

Alex would have wrapped her arms around his neck were she not holding that red solo cup that was still half-full of bourbon, but she considered doing it anyway for a second. But the words were effective anyway, and she just nodded for a second without even realizing what she was doing.

But she paused for a minute before she smirked at him with an 'I am entirely on to you' look.]

Half an hour. [somewhat of a compromise then, even with the pink in her cheeks.]

[With her recent reactions he honestly thought that had a chance of working. Her recovery time was getting better.

That didn't mean he wanted to let her go. Reaching up he brushed stray hairs from her face, fingertips trailing over her cheek as he looked at her, eyes darting for a moment to her lips before letting her go.]

Half an hour then.

[He was having trouble recovering himself, and his words were quiet, thicker than usual.]

[Smiling up at him when he touched her cheek was easy and second nature to her. Alex was a touchy-feely person by nature, and she tended to crave intimacy. It's why she was so open with the people who she was around. Other than Strand, a lot of people in her life received hugs and touches and just the sort of things that made Alex Alex. But in the beginning, Alex had decided that Strand was a touch-me-not. How things changed.

And she couldn't help but notice how he looked at her lips again. It felt like the thousandth time, and she just sighed softly for a second before she moved up to speak in his ear again, shifting the cup so that it was behind her while she did it so neither of them ended up wearing that bourbon.]

You can kiss me, you know. I'd like it if you did. The only reason that I haven't kissed you again was because I thought you'd be more comfortable setting the pace. But honestly, kissing me, touching me... Everything is welcome and fantastic.

It's more complicated than that.

[He really wasn't sure how fair this was to her. She loved him, he knew that, and he loved her. The problem was the missing time that she had and the emotional hang-ups he had. And as much as he wanted to kiss her, to touch her, he was still hesitant.]

But I do, want to. More then I've wanted to in a long time.

[She frowned when he said that it was complicated, and her fingers brushed across his cheek again, before she shook her head slowly. Her voice was slow, and close to him because what they were talking about wasn't anyone else's business but their own.]

I know you're worried about the weeks that you have without me, Richard. But I've realized that I've been in love with you for so long those weeks don't matter. The things in them don't matter, I mean, I'm not going to lie and say I don't want to know what happened between then and now, just because everything seems to be speeding up to something but whatever happens doesn't change my feelings for you.

I'm guessing that the only thing that happened that was different was someone there made me realize my feelings and accept them rather than here.

[The frown on his face seems to grow. Alex couldn't know how wrong she is. How that one gesture had shown so much, explained so much to him. Something that he couldn't and wouldn't give her. The answers to the questions that he knew she had. Alex was, after all, nothing but a bundle of curiosity.]

You know there's more than just that, Alex. Coralee, my -

[The pause is abrupt before he looks away. He'd almost mentioned Howard, and that was certainly a conversation they hadn't had. In her memories, they hadn't found out about Coralee and Howard's kidnapping yet.

The mention of Coralee, of course, could be chalked up to the fact that she was still his wife, that he still loved her and always would. Even the fact that she had, in her own way, caused the hangups that he had now about trust and intimacy. Even without her in his life (which she seemed to be popping in and out of recently), she still held a firm hold on who he was today.]

Myself.

[When he referred to himself his words were low, eyes looking downward. It was a cover for almost mentioning Howard, but it was also true. He wasn't the sort of man that could be loved, that could understand exactly how to love. Not anymore at least. He was still learning to express the emotions he kept bottled inside for twenty years. It was hard, and when dealing with someone who was so expressive and emotional, it was a spot where he feard he often disappointed.]

But eventually.

[When he looked at her, his eyes seemed to hold a small amount of hope. Eventually he'd get through this, they'd get through this, together.]

[When he frowned, Alex's own mirrored his, but she didn't look down. Instead, her dark eyes were fixated on his face because she knew how his posture and expression could tell so much more than he might have otherwise with his words, however many or few he happened to be using that day. Sometimes she expected that he could say the least when he used the most amount of words, especially when he was trying to talk around her.

That said, Alex did brace herself when he brought up Coralee. It wasn't a flinch, it was more of her holding herself a little more straight instead. Coralee was always going to hold onto a part of Strand's heart that Alex could never touch and she didn't blame him for that. But she also didn't want the specter of her life with Richard, and the way she disappeared to act as a shadow that stunted the growth of what Alex and Richard could have.

Her thoughts stopped when there was that my. Whenever Richard mentioned his father, it was that same biting tone, sharp and hard and with all of the anger that Howard Strand was due. Despite how he choked the word off and tried to change it, she knew that anger for what it was and who it was directed towards. Whatever had happened in those weeks, Howard and Coralee Strand were a part of it, she was certain of it now.

The fingers on his cheek moved down to cup his chin, and she held it for a second when he finally looked at her, and the questions were written all in her eyes. Alex was Alex and there would always be questions whether or not he was ready for them to be asked or for him to answer them. The most important of which, because Alex jumped into all of her more wild thoughts like someone trying to do a belly flop from a high dive:]

Richard. [His name was soft and the concern for him was evident.] Is Howard alive?

[Before he can answer, Alex just wrapped her hand around his and tugged him away from the din and towards a waiting bench so they'd have some privacy.]

Edited 2018-05-12 03:18 (UTC)

[Of course Alex would pick up on the subtle nuances of the tone he took when talking about Howard. The inflection, the deep-seated anger toward the man was too ingrained, even if it was Richard's fault that he and Coralee had been kidnapped. The bite came out without him even knowing it, and he'd hoped that Alex would have taken the tone as his self-deprecation.

She knew better than that, though. Which would always feel strange; Richard always thought he was good at keeping his emotions hidden and not expressing them, yet Alex seemed able to figure him out in an instant. At least that had been the case in the latter part of the last two years.

That may have been because he'd stopped running away. There had become an understanding that, no matter what, Alex would be by his side; even if he tried to push her away. It was an understanding that he once thought he had with others, with Coralee, but that had not been the case. With Alex though, it was different. She'd proven time and again that there was no way she would budge.

It wasn't hard to let her drag him off to the bench, the back of his mind noting just how ridiculous the scene must have looked to any onlookers. It was at least some time to decide how to phrase what he was going to say.]

Howard isn't part of this, and I already told you I wouldn't say you what you don't remember.

[Once they had collectively agreed to trusting one another (despite what misgivings she'd admitted to on her podcast, and the way that Nic had frowned at her when she made them) and after she had gotten back from Turkey, the two of them spent more time in one another's company than outside of it. But even before then, Alex had been working to understand 'The Strand Institute's Enigmatic President and Founder' for three years. There were certain subjects that she knew him well enough to predict things for, and this was one of those circumstances.

After all Howard Strand (that bastard even though Alex would never say it to Richard. Probably. This is Alex after all.) held a singular level of ire in Richard's life, one so far only out done by Thomas Warren. There was no way for her to miss the cues that came around him. She still remembered how much convincing she'd needed to do just to get him to read from a fifty-year old journal of his father's.

But that was in the past, and now there was this. And this, whatever this was felt very current and very now. And important. It was so important that Alex's gut was actually doing flip-flops over itself in an effort to grab her attention. So, of course when he dismissed the notion of him not being a part of it, Alex made her typical groan of disbelief.]

Seriously? Jesus, Richard. What happens? What are you so afraid of?

[Alex moved to sit next to him on the bench, and some of her anger settles into a deeper concern.]

Does something happen to me? To them?

Nothing happens to you.

[The words are immediate and with conviction. Something does happen, and Alex is involved, but it isn't anything bad, not for her.

That's reserved for, everything else. For Geneva. For being told that he's some sort of key to opening a door that brings about the demon apocalypse. Or at least, Warren and Simon Reese think so. It's not true, but that truth doesn't countermine the fact that people he cared about were in danger; that he was probably going to walk into a trap, that he had to know what was going on with all of this. Just because of that belief.

Still, he didn't understand why Alex would have thought something happened to her. Why she had jumped so quickly and with such dread to that when he had mentioned Howard. Howard had never been part of her life. ]

I promise.

[For a long moment, she just looks at him, and then she looks down and realizes that she's still holding that stupid solo cup that seemed so much more fun a few minutes ago. God, how the hell did this manage to go so far south in less than an hour? In less than a week? Without thinking about it, Alex just drained the cup of bourbon with a wince and then slid her empty cup underneath the one that he was still holding.

A sigh followed, and Alex was tempted to reach over and steal his whiskey as well, because this wasn't a conversation that she wanted to have sober. Or at all really, but the two of them didn't do well when they kept things secret. Every time they tried, in the end it always turned into a giant fight that threatened to scorch the earth around them until one of them inevitably provided and non apology apology and they moved on.

She didn't want this to be another one of those times.

So, Alex just drew her legs up, sitting cross legged and facing him, her chin being held up by her palm when she does find words. Soft, worried, hesitant, but Alex Reagan wasn't the sort who was ever quiet.]

But there's something. [Her voice was insistant, despite his promise.]

Otherwise you wouldn't have looked at me like you had looked when Coralee left.

Edited 2018-05-12 05:50 (UTC)

[He let her slide her empty cup under the two he was holding, waiting for her to respond. For this to blow over and her to return to the picnic she so wanted to go to one. He really was bad at things like this. The next time she tried to bring him to one he'd remind her of that.

He didn't remember looking at her that way. The same way he'd watched as Coralee got into the car, ready to leave his life. The yearning to follow her, the knowledge that he couldn't. That realization that he'd probably never see her again.

So he looked at her questioning, brows tightening in confusion as he waited for more clarification. Something that he could grasp and compute. That would enable him to explain without giving away that time this place had taken from her.]

[Alex was very tempted to steal his drink again, but instead she just decided to wrap her arms around herself instead. Letting out a long sigh, she just closed her eyes for a minute and considered how much she'd really like to punch Thomas Warren, Coralee Strand and Howard Strand for putting all of them in this complete and utter clusterfuck of a situation. And honestly, the a clusterfuck was really what this was.

When her eyes opened, Alex just frowned at him, and she pulled one hand loose from the other arm to reach out and twine her fingers with his again. She was well aware of how insane this entire thing sounded (even before one added in the idea that everyone and everything around them was a delusion) and she just wished for once the two of them could not have to worry about what the rest of the world outside had waiting for them.]

Before, after I kissed you. [Which may be there first and last kiss at this rate, cause they might kill one another with longing first.] When I didn't remember Geneva. When I told you when I was from.

[He looks down at their hands, fingers tightening against the back of her hand. A firm press that reminded him that she was there, that she was herself. Even if he kept believing in this being a delusion that Thomas Warren had created to get something from him, he'd never be able to think that Alex was anything but herself.

Wherever he was she had to be there with him.

To be fair, he'd almost forgotten the kiss. It'd been pushed out by the fact that Alex had lost weeks. That, someone, had messed with her memories and taken those weeks from her.]

I'd just found out that you were missing memories. I was, concerned.

[He still was. But now, he was more concerned that he would slip up, that times like this would happen more frequently and that he would eventually tell her everything.

Some things were better for her not to know. Like what was happening in Geneva or her Black Tape.]

Richard, I've seen the way you look at me when you're concerned for me. Or concerned for whatever stupid thing I've done or belief that I have. I know what that looks like, and I know what that sounds like when it comes from you. At this point, I'd like to think that I know you well. The look you gave me wasn't concern. It was loss. Like you'd lost something of me.

[Alex's voice dropped a bit, sounding softer and sadder.]

Or maybe I'd lost something of you? I don't know. But whatever it is that you're not telling me, it feels bigger than just a lecture, and just dinner and just something small involving Coralee and Howard. I can feel it, in my gut that there's something else...

[Alex let out a soft sigh, and stood up again.]

Let's go home, okay? I don't want to keep doing this in the park.

[Placing the cups, top one still full of whiskey on the bench, he reached out to take her hands, letting his run along her arms till he reached her hands. She hadn't lost him, she never would. At least, not unless she chose to. There was just a lot more that had happened in those few weeks than she could know, and he wasn't going to put that on her. He'd never do that to her - or at least he'd try not to.]

You haven't lost me.

[It seemed strange, but he thought he needed to give her reassurance that they were still at their status quo, at least the one that they were at after the weeks she lost. He loved her and, that wasn't going to change anytime soon. Everything else, regaining her lost memories could come later.]

Go, enjoy your picnic.

[To emphasize the point he squeezed her hands reassuringly.]

[for a long moment alex just watched him with a small frown. There was still a lot going on that she didn't know and if there was one thing that Alex hated more than most things it was that feeling of not knowing. That was one of the reasons why she very rarely let anything go. The fact that she'd not pressed more on this so far was already something of a miracle. Because as Alex said, she wasn't done. Not even close.

More than that her irrational curiosity had been completely aroused. She was willing to place bets on the fact that Howard Strand was alive and that he had something to do with Geneva. Maybe it was those damned leaps of logic of hers but she knew him and she knew what made sense. So even while he was telling her to enjoy the picnic and comforting her, her brain was still working a mile a minute and trying to make the new pieces of the puzzle he'd given her fit into the framework of those extra weeks that she knew.

With a soft sigh, alex just murmured.]

I must be pretty close to right if you're not using it as an excuse to get away from people, love.

[Sometimes Richard hated how perceptive Alex was. She caught on too quickly to how things changed with him, and it was dangerous for keeping stuff she didn't need to know from her. Between that and her penchant for jumping to conclusions, it caused more annoyance than he could express.

She didn't need to know about Geneva, not yet. Nor did she need to know about Howard and Coralee's kidnapping, or that there was a genuine possibility that the two of them were going to be walking right into a trap set by Thomas Warren. A trap that he had been planning on going to alone if Alex had chosen not to go.

She didn't need to know about that night either. Not yet. The fact that they had gotten to where they were was still because of it. If it had been before that night, he wasn't sure that he would have been able to confess the way he did. It was just, upsetting, that there were weeks that she was missing that he wasn't; that they were at different passes in their mutual life. It felt like something had was stolen from them, and he hated the idea of Warren having taken any more from him than he already had.]

I'd prefer we stay here then be attacked by questions at home.

[For the first time he noticed her use of 'love' instead of his name. It was, curious. How long had she been doing that without him hearing it? Not that he particularly minded.]

[It was on the tip of Alex's tongue to comment that she could attack him with questions anywhere. Hadn't she proved that over the last three years? But the difference was that he'd asked her not to, and Alex was trying to live up to that request even though it went against everything that she was. It was difficult as hell, and Alex wanted to worry at it like a puppy with a bone, but for now she was letting it lay.

Trying to anyway. Alex let out a huffy, frustrated sigh before she gave his hand a squeeze once more, rolling her thumb along the back of his hand. After all, Alex had answers to things that a month ago she was sure she wouldn't even be able to ask as questions. That needed to mean something, and that did mean something. Honestly, it meant the world to her, but she hated that there were secrets between them again.

It had gone so well when there were last time, and Alex had almost completely blown up their relationship because of it. So, her voice was soft when she just said:]

Okay. I'm leaving it alone. [She didn't need to add 'for now' onto that because Alex was Alex, and he knew her. He probably knew her better than anyone else at this point.]

[He knew that she could, and would question him. It was Alex's nature to do so. Keeping them there was only a minor reprieve, and only because she didn't want to get into it here. He was well aware of how much she dictated how much she pushed, but she wasn't in control of how much he gave, and he'd already given up enough. She didn't need to worry about what was going on back in reality. Just here for now; he'd keep the rest as guarded as he could, to protect her. Not that he didn't think she could handle herself, he simply didn't think she should have to.

Thomas Warren had already toyed with her enough here.

In response to her grudging agreement, he leaned in, letting a light kiss fall over her ear, and quietly spoke.]

This, it doesn't change, I promise.

[His promise definitely settled down more than a little bit of the worry that she had about the unknown and what it could mean. Honestly, the worst part about the unknown for Alex was the way that her very creative imagination could fill it in with the worst possible scenarios, telling her all of the wrong conclusions about what could happen that lead them to Geneva, and what she'd found in those missing weeks of searching.

Alex may have been reckless, but she was never stupid and she knew that things were building up to something. The story had more forward momentum than it ever had had before, even than before they had ended the season last time. More than that, Alex and Richard were more on the same page than they had been before, even if he still thought that she was jumping to all sorts of conclusions. But her gut had been telling her that Oneda was important, that the kids looking like Sebastian were important, and that they were all from the East Coast was important as well. She was onto something, even if she didn't know exactly what it was yet.

But she trusted him, and that what was between them wouldn't be screwed up by this, so when he kissed her ear, Alex just wrapped her arms around his neck and burrowed her face in his chest for a moment, holding onto him before she murmured:]

Okay.

[When she wrapped her arms around him, it wasn't hard to do the same to her in return. To pull her close and bury his face in her shoulder. There had been too many times in the course of the last few months when he'd resisted doing just that. Knowing that she wouldn't want it, that it would cross a line that they could never uncross. Knowing the act would have irrevocable repercussion on her professional career.

That night she'd been the one to cross it first, to offer her hand to help him over that line, and here, that line felt as if it were a million miles away.

Kissing her shoulder lightly, he murmured into her shoulder.]

You should enjoy the twenty minutes left of your picnic.

[The muffled tone held slight amusement. Richard hadn't forgotten the deal he and Alex had made, and he was counting this as part of it.]

It's a party, ya'll

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