riverviewlogs | [ closed/open ] Highway to the danger zone

[ No that doesn't make sense either.

That's a lie. FN-2187 knows exactly what he means, and he hates that. He hates that people ask him questions like there's no right or wrong answer. He hates Finn. He hates that the First Order really isn't here. People don't even recognize it. If the First Order was here, there would be stormtroopers in the streets. Things would be recognizable. Not messy. Not everything at once.

He hates that Poe is nice even though there's no reason for it, he hates that he'd offer to go looking for what he knows isn't there. He hates that he doesn't know why Poe is even offering.

Hating things is turning out to feel a lot more like being sad about them. ]

What happens after that?

[ Because there would be an after. Because there's no induct camp waiting to take him back, and there's no space port that knows where the nearest one is. He's not dumb. He was out there before. He tried. Not hard enough to make it happen, he doesn't know if there was something he was supposed to do to make it happen. FN-2187 does squeeze his eyes shut for a few seconds, hoping it helps him steel himself. Feel less... like this. He swallows. ]

If I got sent here on purpose, would you be allowed to tell me?

[ Sometimes you have to ask around a question to ask a question.

He learned that fast. ]

You weren't sent here on purpose. [ Poe can answer that question, at least. He can answer it definitively. ]

You, me, a lot of the people here, we weren't sent on purpose. I don't want to be here either.

[ As for what happens after... Poe isn't sure what to say. He knows they won't find the First Order, except maybe Kylo and Hux, and at least one of them has no idea what the First Order is yet. It makes Poe sick to realize that boy he met, Ben Solo, becomes the monster that Leia is fighting to take down.

No. That she was fighting to take down. Is that kid who she sees, when she looks at Kylo Ren?

Does it matter? ]

You get to decide what happens after. We can find you somewhere else to stay. There are kids here, other kids with no one to look out for them, and they have people from the government here to do it. Or you can stay with me. I'm not much, but I'll look out for you.

[ He's not here on purpose. He's not here on purpose, it's not because he did something wrong. That makes some things better.

It still won't be good when he gets back to his cadre, but they won't turn around and put him right back. Even if he's in trouble for being AWOL. And he'll keep doing well on the tests and exercises. He'll serve his punishment. He'll do extra training every day to make up for not getting to do it here. And his clothes will feel right and he'll be where he belongs, and one day he'll be part of making the galaxy safer. Making it make sense.

He won't think about "you get to decide" or "is that alright" or kids who aren't supposed to be soldiers, who don't get quiet when someone says to be quiet.

He should feel better.

There's a knot in his chest that won't go away. ]

You're too much. [ So. Take that? Zing.

If nothing else, the capacity for that specific brand of "not actually offended by someone's existence, but unsure how else to sound about a situation" tone is apparently something that carries through all the way up to Finn status.

He's not sure if it's better the too much he's met than the too much he hasn't. Because inevitably, if he stays here longer than a day or so, if he has to think about actually ending up somewhere and staying somewhere, it's already a terrifying prospect. FN-2187 hasn't met anybody who wants to be here, now that he thinks about it. He hasn't asked how long they've been waiting to go back.

The longer he's here, the worse it'll be later. ]

[ Poe can't help it. That tone is too familiar. It's him, it's Finn, this broken kid, and even though Poe already knew that, even though he knew it was factually true, it's a fresh heartbreak and a relief to see the man Finn will be peek through.

He smiles, even though it's tired, even though he wants nothing more than for Finn to be Finn again. ]

I'll take that as a compliment, if it's okay with you.

Do what you want with it.

[ People here do anyway.

He takes a second to weigh his options and his odds. Because there is, in fact, something very specific on his mind that has no relation to the First Order or getting back to it ASAP. And he's put it off a little, because the people in charge made decisions and it's over with and he's not supposed to challenge or question those sorts of things.

But on the other hand, consider: Poe literally had to pull a knife out of someone's hands today and they didn't get punished for it? To say nothing for, you know, the fact that Poe also just physically kept him from climbing out the window and got thoroughly disrespected in the process.

FN-2187 is gonna dare to think that if he doesn't lose his nerve, he can get away with a little bit of questioning. ]

Is Chyler in trouble?

[ Pls excuse while his heart melts, and simultaneously burns with the kind of longing and sadness he's starting to get used to. He has to get used to, because he's the one who fucked things up with John.

This is fine. ]

No. [ No reservations, no hesitation. ] She's not in trouble. John loves her. What happened at the base wasn't her fault, and it wasn't yours either.

[ RIP, Poe. This is a solid day of hell. Here's hoping he gets to take a relaxing hour long nap at any point in his future.

Some of this, he believes. Some of it he doesn't find useful or relevant. Some falls into the bold assumption territory. All in about that order with what Poe says, actually. ]

It was my idea. I knew what we were doing. [ ERGO.

How do you define 'your fault,' Poe, he was literally the one who took their escape party on that detour. He'll take the free pass on a punishment if it sticks, but honestly. ]

Okay, fine, it's your fault and you're still not in trouble for it, how's that.

[ EXASPERATION THY NAME IS POE DAMERON. ] You showed up somewhere you weren't supposed to be, scared, lost, looking for a way out, and you went for what was familiar. I'd do the same thing.

[ I mean. He deadass thinks about this response. He considers the angles.

It's sort of better. Chyler's smart and she helped, but she's young and she's not a trainee. He's not sure she completely understood what they were trying to do. This should be on him. They should know that.

If he can't keep one girl from getting punished for something that wasn't even her idea, how useful is he supposed to be at the whole protecting the galaxy First Order schtick that he thinks is all legit.

With an air not unlike he's trying to explain something to a younger child for the umpteenth time without losing his patience: ]

It's better, but you still don't make sense.

[ He did something wrong, it's his fault, Poe finally admitted it, ergo ??????

There should be consequences. The consequences could be being stuck in chaos hell, wondering if any of the closets will be quiet enough to think. But nobody's said those are the consequences. So he can't assume that.

This will probably be covered in the informational docket when he has his inevitable meltdown. ]

None of this makes sense.

[ Poe says it quietly, rubbing his temple with his fingertips. Why flowers? Why did the flowers do this? If it was intentional, why the heck was it intentional. Who suddenly wants ten thousand unsupervised children running around somewhere that's occasionally attacked by monsters??? ]

Are you hungry?

[ It's an abrupt topic change, even Poe can admit that, but he feels the need to change the subject before they go for another trip on the "you don't make sense" merry-go-round. ]

[ How dare Poe predict pretty much exactly what kid mcgee here was gearing up for. It's... not disappointing to have it swerved on, exactly. There's some weird shadow of a feeling there is all. Vaguely expecting one thing and getting another.

'None of this makes sense' is great, though. If there's a true way to finding common ground, that's right about where these two paths most obviously overlap. ]

I'll eat when it's time to eat. Even this place has to have times to eat. [ His tone says something like "please tell me you have at least that much, what the fuck". Schedules don't hurt! Rules and regulations don't bite! He's not sure if Poe is maybe just tired of arguing after spending all this time going back and forth with a gaggle of untamed kids.

FN-2187 is sort of tired of going back and forth with a gaggle of untamed kids. ]

[ Poe is just about to tell tiny Finn that they can eat whenever they feel like it's time to eat, but uh.

Well.

That might melt the kid's brain, with the way he sounds right now. ]

You're right. It just so happens it's almost time to eat.

[ Ha, there, now hopefully the kid will be okay with actually making some food. ]

Come on, I've got something to show you.

[ If you guessed that he's going to show Finn the egg roller YOU EARN THE GRAND PRIZE. ]

[ That's a very wise decision, because it absolutely would have become the hill that kid Finn had his meltdown and died arguing on. The use of the word almost is also a good decision. Almost means, he assumes, at a point after it's time for the other kids to wake up. So he can't use the fact that they're sleeping as a counter-argument.

It's weird to be sitting here giving Poe a look like he's sure something about this is a trick, only it all holds up and he can't figure out which part is the trick. All that suspicion and nowhere specific to put it. ]

Something like what?

[ He's 100% following Poe towards the kitchen. Childhood is always a mix of suspicion and unwilling curiosity that can't be wrangled. His levels might be more suspicion than anything, but he is in fact still a child and he hates the idea of... not following through on finding out what the something is. And if it turns out Poe was getting his guard down to try to kill him, he'll just. Deal with it! He guesses! Now he's about 25% sure Poe is secretly about to try to kill him for some reason. It's fine.

The egg roller is such a vital part of the riverview canon and I would personally die for it. ]

[ Poe leads the way to the kitchen and plugs the egg roller in, busying himself around the kitchen while it heats up and wishing he'd gone grocery shopping before this sudden influx of children. He's going to run out of food, fast.

He has to extract several knives from high-up hiding places to cut up the veggies and meat on the counter, because egg roll omelets are a thing that's happening. ]

Don't tell the others where the knives are. Please. I would rather nobody got stabbed by accident.

Yes, sir. [ It's weird that he said please. Not bad. But weird.

Jyn isn't very good at watching where she's going. That's how someone ends up accidentally stabbed even by someone who knows what they're doing. Rey and Cassian seem like they would know what they were doing. No point giving anyone else a weapon if one of them makes it more dangerous, though.

FN-2187 cranes his neck to look back at the door of what may or may not be the designated nap room, considering, brow furrowed. ]

They don't do things right.

[ Which is a scratch on the surface of the feeling of witnessing it, of some layer of impulses and complication he doesn't understand. They don't do things right. They don't listen. They won't stay still.

If he's the only one who makes sense, does that mean he's the one not doing things right?

He hasn't met anyone else like him yet. Cassian almost fit, but-- well. Cassian has some clear misconceptions about stormtroopers as far as this kid can figure. ]

[ Poe cracks eggs into a measuring cup and starts dumping the other ingredients in more liberally than is probably necessary.

Finn calling him sir is too weird to really think about, so he doesn't. ]

The others?

[ He stares at the colorful mix of meat, eggs, and vegetables for a moment before he looks over at Finn. ]

This place seems pretty insane to you, doesn't it. I mean, of course it does.

[ Stating the obvious: an occasional Dameron specialty. ]

The places they come from are different, is all.

[ He's not cruel. He's not going to tell a kid that the life he comes from is backward and monstrous and not how a kid's life should be, not when it's all he's ever known. He tried that with Cassian already and it's not like it made any difference there. Kids shouldn't be in any of the situations these four were caught in. They should have lives beyond war and loss and fighting.

That's the galaxy he wants. That's the kind of life he wants to give as many kids as possible, the kind he had. ]

This place is different. It's not wrong, just... different.

[ Look at him go. Honestly, the casual way Poe is chucking stuff around reads to Finn as him generally really knowing what he's doing. So that's worth watching. 10/10. ]

I know there are different things out there. [ All the old historical places. All the new ones. Planets that are all crowded city or desert or forest, and he knows a little about how to navigate around different terrains. Not as much as he'll know after sims or getting deployed.

Planets and colonies that have nothing while the New Republic looks the other way, who the First Order stepped in to save. Give them work. Resources. And if the Republic found out that those places they wrote off had workers and resources, they'd probably suddenly care about them. Try to push the First Order out for doing what they didn't want to do. Maybe try to take all of it away.

He doesn't think it makes sense to let things fall through the cracks because they're not the right kind of useful. Not if it's something that helping can fix. ]

Trainees are different, too. You can't be exactly the same as someone else. We're just not-- this different. There are rules.

[ (Thanks, space-Hermione.)

He never thought about it much. The fact that different planets means different people, too.

People sound easier to want to protect than planets and resources.

But insane is a really accurate word for ending up tossed into this moon wholesale. And that's putting the looming certainty of undefined Being In Trouble to the wayside. ]

Yeah, but not everyone has the same rules. Not every planet lives the same way. A place with... let's say a place with jungles, and small towns, and farms, it's going to live differently than somewhere that's all snow and mines. They can't have the same rules--wouldn't make sense, would it?

[ He pours a measure of the egg mess into the roller. ]

I guess I'm saying the rules you know, they aren't the rules the rest of the galaxy lives by.

[ And you can't force the rest of the galaxy to do it, either, seems like too much to shovel on right now. Instead he drags a chair over to the counter and pats the seat, indicating Finn should climb up. ]

Watch this. It's stupid.

[ He can't argue with those assertions, but he can definitely look at Poe like he thinks it has to be more complicated than that, and he simply doesn't know enough about galactic law to dispute it further. A look he delivers without reservation.

Here he is. Adrift without ground to stand on. Knowing that Cassian would be better at debating than he is, and Rey would have better chances of climbing out a window without getting caught, and Jyn-- he doesn't know what it is about Jyn, exactly. Cassian and Rey can sort of make sense, no matter how different they are or how wrong about some things they are. Jyn never makes sense. But she still sort of fits? All names, no designations, no standard regulations.

At least if FN-2187 is the odd one out in his cadre, it's because he's better at something than everyone else.

Therefore, this entire side trip is awful.

So he climbs onto the chair and watches the egg roller very intently. We can all absolutely acknowledge that watching this thing at work is dumb as hell, but entertaining. ]

If it's so stupid, why do you keep it? [ Sound mortally offended by watching rolled-up eggs slowly pop out of a weird kitchen appliance challenge 2k18. Has he actually looked away? No. He committed and he's gonna see this through. ]

[ He grins at the kid, a purely genuine smile for the first time. ]

Because stupid things can be fun. People do stupid stuff all the time just because they can.

[ Getting the egg thing out of the rolly bit and onto a plate is always a game of "how badly can I mangle this" but for once he actually manages to Finn's egg... thing. Onto a plate unscathed. He sets it on the table along with a fork and a VERY BLUNT BUTTER KNIFE. ]

Here, give that a shot.

[ Well, it looks rolly and a little horrifying. Watching Poe help it stick the dismount onto the plate, where it sits, all cylindrical, is a process he's never once conceived of having to witness in his young life. He's not sure what he expected.

He wonders how it even works.

But to Poe's credit, it smells like a food and it's got color variety. This truly is a time of high-stakes pros and cons.

FN-2187 neglects the knife, because from what he just saw, this thing isn't really tough enough to merit it anyway. He uses the side of the fork like an animal. Maybe tries to mull over Poe's "people just do stupid stuff sometimes" logic while he's chewing. Stupid stuff like trying a food because someone told them to. He may be like 10, but he's pretty sure if Poe poisoned these eggs for no apparent reason, it would've been tough to hide the. You know. Poison.

Poe has a good smile. That's his opinion. Weird, but good. ]

It's good. [ He's not pretending he's not surprised, he doesn't have those reserves in him. The food bar is down at "tastes like anything". Too low for most people to limbo under, definitely higher up than the ground.

He still doesn't see why the rolly thing is better than actual cooking?? There's a whole kitchen. ]

[ The rolly thing is so much better than actual cooking. For one thing, fewer dishes. Even though they have a dishwasher and it's a really good one. THE POINT REMAINS: FEWER DISHES. ]

Good. I'm glad.

[ He sits down across from Finn, studying him, wondering who this kid could have been if he hadn't been taken by the First Order. He and Poe probably never would have met. Poe himself probably would have died in the belly of the Finalizer.

He shouldn't be grateful, he's not grateful, exactly, that Finn lived this life. He's grateful for where Finn ended up. Part of his. ]

You ever heard of pizza?

[ Two can play at the studying game. Not that Finn hasn't been playing it today already. He just sort of keeps the staring party going like, ah yes, this man is still just crazy enough to be off-putting and just nice enough to also be off-putting, but not necessarily in a way that's bad. That's pretty much his thesis title.

It would be nice to say he doesn't look 100% outright suspicious immediately, but he has even less of a poker face than usual. He could probably hold up a sign that says suspicious in big underlined letters and be less obvious. The plot might have just thickened, okay, he wants to be ready for that. ]

I haven't. [ The clear winner of this battle of the minds, I guess. Dignified and noble. ] Am I about to?

[ He's starting to think if Poe told him his tone was out of line and he had to run laps or something, he actually. Wouldn't have to do that. Poe's not his C.O.

Maybe in theory he shouldn't think about or take behavioral liberties based on a lone gut feeling, but no one is here to stop that either? ]

You are.

[ Poe gets up and fetches his lil communication device/phone/whatever we're calling the network access things these days and dials up their usual pizza place. ]

Solves the problem of what to feed everyone else, too.

[ How much pizza can he get away with feeding these children? He's gonna find out. He will even voluntarily order one half of the pizza with broccoli, just for Finn.

It doesn't even occur to him to reprimand Finn for his tone. His tone is just Finnlike, reassuring in its small way. His friend is still in there, even in the shape of a neurotic child soldier. ]

[ Yeah idk I usually just go with phone bc I'm lazy.

Finn is still 100% watching him like a hawk. That's his new and only hobby now, I guess. Unravel your mysteries, Poe Dameron. You're the only adult he's met so far who seems like a prime mystery unraveling candidate.

He really doesn't usually get to ask a lot of questions. ]

Where are you from?

[ closed/open ] Highway to the danger zone

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when you think your inbox is handled but you find a week+ old tag

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