(OPEN)

[mysophobic]

who: Shigeru Miyata and you!
what: New powers, flower festival shenanigans, surprise special guest of possessed!shigeru
when: April 2nd and onward
where: Outside the wall, the park, around the city
warnings: Violence, blood, cute weird animals, will update if needed!



Action; The park

[ So for most of the afternoon Shigeru will be out and about drawing things as he is wont to do. Of course for him drawing was a means of therapy in a way. It helped clear his head and ease whatever anxieties or fears he might have. He honestly never thought that his drawings would actually come to life though.

So if you’re in the park one day you might hear a loud ‘yelp’ and see one lone cinnamon roll clutching at his drawing pad as the birds he just drew on his pad spring to life and just peel themselves off the pages. ]

W-What’s going on?! [ Is this another weird malfunction?! Is he going crazy? No he’s not because those birds are awful close and feel awful real as the squawk and nudge at Shigeru’s foot for some food. But unfortunately that pad has some other things in it too. Plants, tentacles, and claws will sprout themselves from the pages as Shigeru drops his pad on the ground and moves away. Oh gosh. Oh god. He doesn’t know what to do?! There’s a resounding growl as the spiky head of something will start to poke out through the pages. ] Oh no! I-I didn’t mean to do that. Go-go back onto your page! I-I didn’t mean to wake you up.

[ He sure is yelling at his drawing pad but the creature will grunt as it finally pulls itself out, along with some less than scary things as well. They are all surrounding Shigeru as he moves away a little, unsure what to do, since he suddenly feels really tired from using up a lot of energy manifesting all of them. ] I-I don’t have anything to give you. I-I don’t think pictures really eat…

[ Please help him he doesn’t know what to do?! But at least after only 5 minutes they’ll disappear, thankfully. ]

Action; Flower festivities

[ So when the festival really kicks off Shigeru will be absolutely ecstatic. Honestly how can he not be given this was the festival where he met Genji in that super embarrassing way?! Honestly he rather just forget that ever happened, so he's definitely not wandering around, looking for which type of flowers to give to Genji. Nope he's definitely not contemplating that as he huffs and crosses his arms over his chest with a clearly puzzled and uncertain expression plastered all over his face. ]

There's so many choices...but Genji can just grow whatever he wants. Maybe flowers isn't the best option? [ He says to himself as he sighs again. Auighsaju! This is so hard!!

He's having a big crisis right now. ]

Maybe something like a-a outfit? [ No. That's dumb. Maybe he should just get Genji a matching ring. Wait, that's not right. Oh my god he just though about getting him a ring unconsciously. Just kill him. He's so bad at this, lord. And while he's having this crisis the new foreign alien stall owner seems pretty exasperated as well, so they'll just shove a whole bunch of those varying flowers into Shigeru's arms and send him on his way. He's been there for like almost an hour so the stall owner doesn't even bother with making Shigeru pay. They just want him gone so other people can buy things?! ]

Ah! W-Wait! I didn't...pay you. [ Hrm. He now has an even bigger crisis and it's these flowers. If you bump into him he might offer you some, unaware of their effects. Which will you choose? Baby Blue Eyes, Chamomile, Rose, Crepe Myrtle, or Valerian? It's your choice! ]

Um. Would you like some f-flowers? I was just given these but I probably don't need them all so...you can have some.

Action; Outside the wall

[ When he can’t draw, which has never been an issue for him, the only other thing that helps him is, well, training. He does it from time to time but hasn’t in a while due to his gate getting worse and today just happens to be a very bad to have chosen to go out and fight monsters. A pack of wild alien dogs was not something he had expected to run into. And unfortunately for them running into Shigeru wasn’t good for them either. At first it looks like Shigeru will need help, as he's covered in wounds and surrounded. But his gate will activate when he's slammed into a rock, hard enough to crack it. He'll straighten then, eyes turning black and his irises purple as his gate erupts behind him.

Shigeru is injured but the wounds don’t last very long, although for anyone who sees him and comes to his aid the terribly nasty gash to his side still hasn’t healed all the way and the cuts and bruises on him are just beginning to recede. More alarming is the state of Shigeru’s gate which is riddled with black, dark, veins and dripping a tar like substance that disintegrates whatever it falls onto. Shigeru looks far worse than he has in a while, but the Shigeru that most know isn’t exactly around right now, indicated by the black smoke and runic characters now etched on both sides of Shigeru’s neck and face, each breath he takes a billow of black smoke escapes him. There’s also a look in his eye, murderous, and clearly unstable as he takes up his stance to parry the creature’s next attack.

The alien like dog creature will launch itself towards him, but Shigeru easily bashes it away with his shield as he lets out an amused laugh, turning and jumping into the air, slashing the creature through its hind legs. It’ll let out a pained, scared, yelp as it tries to fight but those black, inky, tentacles that sprout from Shigeru’s shadow pin the beast down. He’ll grab it by the neck and start slamming its head into the ground in a repeated motion until it falls motionlessly on the ground. Just for good measure he'll stab it through the neck, tilting his head a little as he pull his swords out and just...looks at the blood in a noncommittal way. Hm. That wasn't very fun at all. He’ll straighten with a stoic, emotionless, expression on his face as he lets out another laugh as he covers his eyes with bloodied gloved hands, a soft ‘ah’ escaping him as he turns towards the cowering pack whose leader he just brutally killed. His sword, shield, and gloves now all pristine as he disintegrates whatever blood that was on them. ] Pathetic.

[ Another laugh as he steps forward, sword at the ready. He doesn’t mean anything he’s doing right now. But it was a culmination of a lot of things that caused this. Stress, anger, sadness and heart break. He usually kept it bottled up inside him so it’s no wonder this would be the result. He’s not exactly all there should anyone run into him. Just don’t try to interrupt his fun, otherwise he might turn to you next. ]

((ooc; if anyone wants to do more flower prompt/possessed!shigeru plotting feel free to hit my up on plurk @ pathogenic ))

Comments

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco doesn't get why making a simple observation like that would piss Shigeru off, but it's obvious that it does. He'll have time to wonder why, later; for now, he raises his hands, placating and a tiny bit exasperated. Right now he's wishing this were some kind of prank, or joke, but he knows that it's not. That's not really Shigeru's style, and just based on the smell, that's got to be real blood. Gross. ]

Okay, geeze! Forget I said anything.

[ As Shigeru takes a few steps towards him, Cisco has a moment to decide whether he'll stand his ground or not. If he knew Shigeru better, understood the situation better, perhaps he would try to be brave and stay in place. But he doesn't have enough information to do that, so he takes a few steps back, heart hammering. He's starting to think that maybe, helping Shigeru is going to take second priority to getting his ass the hell out of here. He is just not equipped to deal with something he understands so little.

And of course, he can't help remembering what Shigeru had told him, about what his powers could do. That had been scary enough, imagining that kind of power wielded by someone as polite and mild-mannered as Shigeru. Now, though... ]

I didn't know you meant, like... literally!

[ No point in doing a "you're not a monster" talk when Shigeru seems pretty content with being a monster right now. Later, when this was all over... probably Cisco would need to reassure him, then. But for now, he's not going to say anything that might make him even snippier than he already is. ]

You headed somewhere?

[ Just as if he's making idle conversation. Definitely not curious because he's a) going to avoid wherever it is and b) warn anyone who might be there. ]

[mysophobic]

[ It's a whole big reason the heartbreak and the anger at being treated so unfairly and harshly...a lot of it is suppressed usually but in this form it's all just raw and fuel for Shigeru's anger. ]

Of course I meant literally. But you wouldn't know, so I'll give you pass. [ He'll wave bloodied gloved hands in a dismissive gesture as he eyes Cisco again, his gate still looming behind him, dripping that acidic caustic substance still. The area behind Shigeru is now just a barren piece of land with an increasingly deep hole forming as the black inky substance disintegrates the ground. ]

I was going to go visit someone. [ His voice is harsh when he says that, His eyes flickering with some malevolence as more of that miasma spills from his mouth. ]

[franciscoramon]

[ Under different circumstances, Cisco would stick up for himself. He's not sure what 'you wouldn't know' is supposed to imply - that he'd dumb, maybe, or naive. But right now, his pride is going to take a back seat to his self-preservation. Besides, it's the truth. He hadn't known. Hadn't realized Shigeru was capable of becoming this. Would he have befriended him quite so eagerly, if he had known? Who could say...

Cisco eyes that patch of destruction that Shigeru is leaving behind him, thinking fast. If he's heading into the city... that will be dangerous. Not only to the infrastructure, but to anyone who carelessly crosses his path. He ought to call someone. Start up the alarm - but make sure that whoever responded didn't hurt Shigeru, or get hurt in return. When he snapped out of this... well it would be better for him if he hadn't hurt or killed anybody, for a lot of reasons. ]

Oh? Wh-who's that?

[ He fails miserably to make it sound like a casual question, trailing alongside Shigeru, but keeping a healthy distance, both from him and the trail of oozing black behind him. ]

[mysophobic]

[ His black and purple eyes will glare back at Cisco as he pauses to tilt his head to look at him there and then. ]

Why? Are you going to go sound the alarm? [ He'll take a step towards him now, all the more menacing with those tentacles of his actually rising up from the ground into a corporeal form. ]

This is none of your business. It's the same person that hurt me before. I'm going to go pay him a visit. [ And here he'll lift his shirt just enough to expose the horrible bruising around his ribs alongside the terrible claw mark in his side that's bleeding. If Shigeru's in pain he's definitely not showing it. It seems to only fuel his anger as he lets out another stream of black smoke. ]

I'm going to make him pay.

[franciscoramon]

W-what? No!

[ Not a very convincing denial, as Cisco takes several steps away from Shigeru, clearly determined to keep a healthy amount of distance between himself and this twisted version of his friend. His eyes dart to those tentacles, and the strange path of decay in Shigeru's wake. He needs to get out of here. He should be running already.

But scared as he is, Cisco's never been one to abandon his friends when they're in trouble. And Shigeru is in trouble. Cisco owes it to him to do his utmost to make sure he doesn't do something that he regrets.

Except then Shigeru explains who he's on the warpath for, lifts his shirt and shows that expanse of bruising (the claw mark must be from whatever monsters he'd fought just now to get him so blood, but that bruising was too old to be from just now...). Cisco's stomach lurches, face going paler as he asks, voice sad and small: ]

He did that to you?

[ Hadn't Cisco been the one who told Shigeru that he shouldn't let Dodger keep hurting him? That he needed to stand up for himself? And everything Shigeru had mentioned about the guy, the few scraps of info he'd heard from others... well if anyone deserved to get a visit from an eldritch horror it was probably him.

Still... despite the danger and his own reservations, Cisco says: ]

Listen. I know what it's like to get hurt, okay? I'm not gonna give you some speech about how revenge is wrong and you should just forgive and forget. But look around you. Look at yourself right now. If you go into the city like this, you could hurt people. Innocent people who have got nothin' to do with this. And what if somebody - somebody who doesn't know you - thinks you're a threat and calls the Guard? It could get really ugly.

[ Cisco is all too aware that what he's saying is probably not what Shigeru wants to hear. It might be that he won't be able to talk him out of it, that his only option after this will be to run. But he had to try. ]

I know it's none of my business, alright, and as far as I'm concerned, sounds like that guy deserves a real ass-kicking. But I'm not sure this is the right time, or the right way. I'm just- I'm just tryin' to look out for you.

[mysophobic]

[ There's a sort of inhuman noise, akin to a growl, that escapes Shigeru when Cisco gives that poor denial. His grip on his the handle of his sword tightening as he glares daggers back at him. ]

I broke up with him. He didn't appreciate it. [ But there's some flicker of emotion in Shigeru's eyes when he says that. It's pain, heartache, and most of all sorrow. He might actually stop there and then, pausing to look at himself in one of the puddles of water on the ground left behind from the flooding. No. This...this isn't what he wanted. He might bend over there and then, his shadowy tendrils behaving erratically before he has a chance to really control them. He'll hold his head with his free hand then. ]

Be quiet! [ It's hissed out as he looks back at Cisco. ] I did everything I could for him and this is how he treated me.

[ His voice is pained and heartbroken as he shakes his head. This isn't what he wanted though. This isn't...how he wanted any of this happen. ] So why shouldn't I hurt him back for everything he's done?

[ And there's the malice, it's a pure and primal sort of anger that spills from Shigeru's mouth when he says that. ] I...I don't know what else to do with-with this...this horrible feeling.

[ He sounds so lost and hurt as he grips his still bleeding side and his broken ribs. He doesn't know what to do with all this pent up anger at Dodger, at himself, he doesn't know where to direct it and it hurts. ]

How do I...make the pain stop.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco watches, silent and alert, as Shigeru bends down, staring at his own reflection, holding his head like that. Is the real Shigeru struggling for control? He thinks back, to Rainbow Raider, to how hard Barry had fought to control his anger. If only solving this were as simple as flashing a certain sequence of colored lights at Shigeru. But this isn't a rage that was induced by someone else's powers. This... is something based in reality. In real hurt, real mistreatment. ]

Honestly, man. If you take your time, and you think about it, and you're still sure in a couple days that you wanna hurt him? I wouldn't judge you for that. Looks to me like he's more than earned it.

[ It's not what Cisco would do, but he's not naive. Not everyone handles things in the same way. Whether that hurting took the form of Shigeru pressing charges, or fighting Dodger physically... Cisco would get it. He's not sure he could really be Shigeru's friend, if he decided, in a rational and calm state, to kill Dodger in cold blood. But Cisco doesn't think he would make that choice. ]

But I don't want you getting hurt. And if you go into town looking like this, I bet you that's what's gonna happen. And then Dodger's the one who wins. I don't want him to win.

[ It's hard, seeing Shigeru look so distressed, so hurt. Cisco takes a tiny, tiny step forward, compassion battling his fear. This feels like a crucial moment: if he can just say the right thing, offer the right comfort, perhaps the monster will recede, and Shigeru will be himself again... ]

The pain will fade. I know it's obnoxious to hear it, but time helps. Talking helps. Crying, too. You can't fight the pain. You can't pretend it's not there. You have to let yourself feel it, and then... hold onto it a little less tightly. Genji taught me some meditation stuff, to do when I'm feeling really horrible. Do you wanna try it with me? Can't hurt, right?

[mysophobic]

[ He does and doesn't all at once. There's a huge conflict of emotions and feelings that spread themselves across Shigeru's face at that moment. But he still looks hurt throughout all of it. That raw and intense pain which led to anger makes him shake his head, clutching at it again as he tries to think beyond anger and pain.

He doesn't want to get hurt either and he doesn't want...Genji to get hurt. Genji. That's right. The name when Cisco speaks it makes Shigeru's eyes widen. Almost as if he snaps out of it hearing the other's name. It's almost enough to get himself back to normal. If Genji saw him like this right now...he'd probably be so disappointed in him, right? He almost looks defeated as he finally starts to seemingly wake up. Noticing all the blood, the pain in his side, and just everything else. What was he even doing...he'd be no better than Dodger at this point. ]

I... [ he wants to see Genji. Ugh but in this state he knows Genji will hate him. Or that's what he tells himself. He just wants to stop hurting and he'll bring both his hands to his eyes as he fights off tears. He'll nod silently then back at Cisco. He...doesn't want this, he doesn't want to be this but it feels like he's out of his depth and losing control more and more easily nowadays. It's scaring him to death and he knows Cisco will probably be afraid of him after this is all over too. ] Don't-Don't tell Genji...

[ His voice sounds so...scared and broken as he wills himself to not cry. He'll tell Genji at some point but not right now. ]

[franciscoramon]

[ He should have thought of this sooner. Of course, Genji's name would have an effect on Shigeru. It's the magic word, the key to remind him of all the things in his life that are good. The actual antithesis of Dodger, who hurt Shigeru, took him for granted, made him into... this.

Cisco watches, fear fading slightly, giving way to sadness and worry - for Shigeru's sake again, rather than his own. He can hear the change in Shigeru's voice, as it becomes more like his usual voice, only strained with unshed tears. He takes a tiny, hesitant step forward. When that doesn't make Shigeru lash out or yell at him again, he takes another. ]

Shigeru?

[ He's not the world's best liar, but he is capable of keeping a secret when it's not his own. And while he doesn't know how wise it is, for Shigeru to keep this kind of thing hidden from his boyfriend, that's not his call to make. This is between the two of them. It's none of his business. He just happened to be in the right place at the right moment. Besides: how could he say no to such a pitiful request? ]

I won't. I promise. Not a word.

[ Cisco can see it, in Shigeru's body language, hear it in his voice, how hard he's trying not to cry. That, and those awful bruises, and the fear, and all of it, are enough to make Cisco's eyes go a bit wet, too. He's always been like this - quick to express emotion, unafraid to let people see it. But he hates that he can't fix this, the way he would a machine that had broken down. People are just so much messier. ]

It's okay. You can let go. I'm here. I've got your back.

[mysophobic]

[ Shigeru just flinches away, shaking his head. ] D-Don't! Don't...come near me. I-I'm sorry.

[ That Cisco had to see him like this at all. It's one of his biggest nightmares and fears...that everyone he loves and cares about will hate him if they ever saw what he could turn into. It was already happening back home and here is no different. He's sure Cisco will be afraid of him from now on and he can't exactly blame the other for that either. But for now he listens to Cisco's words and just...cries. He hates this ring sometimes because now his sobs are actually audible and they hurt as he clutches at his side with the claw wounds. At least the large floating sigil behind him will fade away and along with it the black sludge and those black tendrils sprouting from Shigeru's shadow.

It feels...better to just cry and not really have to think right now. But his chest still hurts, for other reasons now other than Dodger's mistreatment of him, and he hates the fact that even for a second he had forgotten about Genji. He just feels so...horrible and exhausted. He almost looks like he's going to collapse. He'll finally look back at Cisco, his eyes normal again albeit red and puffy from crying. ]

I. I didn't hurt you d-did I? [ Another worrisome detail is that Shigeru can't remember much once he turns into that monster. What happens during it is often a foggy haze that he can't really picture quite easily. ]

[franciscoramon]

[ The suddenness and vehemence of Shigeru's words startles Cisco; they don't have the harsh edge that his voice did before, when he yelled, but Cisco's still more than a little jumpy. He flinches, too, and stops trying to approach Shigeru entirely. Instead, he stays where he is, trying to stay as still as possible, as if Shigeru were some kind of wounded animal he is afraid to anger or alarm.

There's an awful stretch of silence, broken only by the sounds of Shigeru's sobbing. Cisco watches him, ready to rush forward if he has to, if Shigeru loses his balance the way it looks like he might. Ready to rush away, too, if the sadness gives way to more seething anger. But it doesn't. Cisco sees that sigil disappearing into the air, the sludge and tentacles curling up and vanishing, until Shigeru's shadow is just a shadow, his breaths are just breaths, and the non-metaphorical monster is gone.

It's only then, when the worst of the danger appears to have passed, that Cisco notices his knees are shaking, that his teeth are almost chattering with how much he's trembling. But hopefully, Shigeru can't see that. Because now, he thinks, it is time for an entirely different sort of crisis. The threat of being unmade at a molecular level or whatever might be less, but it isn't as if he can just relax. Shigeru is still hurt, still raw and very vulnerable. ]

No. No, you didn't.

[ It's the truth, and Cisco says it simply. Wants it to be simple so Shigeru won't have to feel guilty. Water under the bridge, right? But, Cisco thinks, guts twisting unpleasantly... it feels like a close call. He'd seen the hate in Shigeru's face as he snapped at him to shut up. He'd seen those tentacles manifesting, had seen Shigeru's hand tightening on his sword. ]

You don't remember?

[ Obviously there is some level of amnesia, but just how much is important for him to know. Cisco is thinking that he can just lie, make the whole thing sound like a much smaller deal than it was. And it wasn't a big deal! Nothing had happened. Nothing at all. They'd had a very weird conversation, and that was it.

(He is, of course unintentionally, overestimating his own skills as an actor. Even now, the strain and fear are nakedly apparent in his face and his voice. He couldn't fool a child.) ]

You're hurt. Let's... let's just, um. Get you to a doctor, okay?

[mysophobic]

[ Well thank god for that. Cisco seems fine but he knows that he isn't, that Shigeru scared him to death and that he probably won't trust him much after this. Still he appreciates the effort the other is making to try and help calm him. His wounds are killing him now that he actually feels the pain and the strain of them. He'll shake his head and just let out a few huffs of breath taking deep breaths afterwards. ]

I-I can't...remember much after I got attacked by those monsters.

[ He recalls getting hit very hard into a rock and the pain caused him to black out, but after that he just...doesn't remember anything at all. He'll wince, his expression turning to pain as he looks down at his side, that wound has finally stopped bleeding but it still hurts. ]

I can...go myself if it makes you uncomfortable. [ He wouldn't blame Cisco in the slightest if he was unsure around Shigeru now. He can see and hear it in all of Cisco's actions and words. He doesn't want to be around him and that's a valid emotion to have. ]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco wonders whether that's a blessing or a curse. On the one hand, it means that whole time that the monstrous version of Shigeru was speaking, it wasn't like he was trapped like a prisoner in his own mind, observing but powerless to stop it. He was just sort of... not there, apparently.

On the other hand, it can't be a great feeling. The uncertainty. At least this time, Cisco can help with that, a little bit. ]

I... don't know if anything happened between there and here, or how much time passed, but I can tell you about what happened after you came past the wall.

[ He sees Shigeru's wince, gets out his phone to text his contacts in the Guard that there's someone with injuries incoming. They were closer to the barracks than the hospital, and Shigeru was probably not injured enough that he would need surgery or anything like that. Cisco nods in the direction they need to go, taking a few steps before Shigeru offers to go alone.

He laughs, then; it's short, more like a huff. ]

If I didn't run away before, what makes you think I'm going to, now?

[ He wants to not be uncomfortable, of course. Logically, it seems that the danger has passed. But of course, it's not as simple as that. For now, Cisco's just going to... not think about how his view of Shigeru may have changed, or whether he's afraid of him or not. He's going to focus on making sure he gets the care he needs. ]

So, uh, good news first, I don't think anybody saw you but me. Unless you ran into anybody out there, of course. You were... you said you were looking for Dodger. To hurt him, because he hurt you.

[ Cisco is telling the truth, but he's skirting around the bits that involve himself. Keeping it to the facts. It's clear he's holding back, from the careful way he's picking his words, and glancing at Shigeru now and then in his pauses. ]

[mysophobic]

[ Ugh this is the worst. It's getting even worse than he realized. At least when it had happened last time he was actually able to remember things, mostly because he saw it through a fog.He looks so...distraught and tired as he wobbles a little on his feet. ]

Because I...I almost hurt you. [ Or he figures he almost had. He can't exactly say what he would have done in that state. If he could just...remember. Still at the mentioning of Dodger his face goes pale and he wipes at his eyes again, taking another shaky breath. Of course his pent up anger would come out that way, wouldn't it? And he of course would focus on the one person who has caused him so much pain here... ]

I...I didn't mean that. [ He says with a dour and heartbroken look. But it's obvious that he doesn't want to hurt the other man. It just manifests itself so much more easily when he's possessed like that. Thank god he hadn't actually gotten to Dodger either... ]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco doesn't deny it, when Shigeru says he'd almost hurt him. That lack of argument speaks volumes. But Cisco hates seeing his friend, crying and so clearly distressed. So he tries to brush it off. With unconvincing airiness, he shrugs, says: ]

No worries. It's okay. I almost joined a ska band, once. We all make mistakes.

[ He doesn't expect the joke will get a smile out of Shigeru, but this is just what he does. When bad stuff happens to him - or almost happens - he makes jokes. It's how he deals with things.

And he really wants it to be okay. Cisco would like be able to forgive Shigeru and move past it like it's nothing. But he might need a little bit of time, to do that. He walks with Shigeru, but he keeps a little bit of distance between them. Close enough to catch his friend, if he stumbles, but... not too close. ]

I knew you didn't. That's why I talked you out of it.

[ This was what he'd been sure of; that the moment he was thinking like himself again, Shigeru would change his mind, wouldn't care about revenge. It's possible that Dodger would have deserved what he got, but Shigeru wouldn't have deserved the guilt he would have felt, after.

Cisco points to the little medical office attacked to the barracks: just a small room, but clean, professional, and they know Cisco, there. He designs tech for the guard, and on occasion, that has meant tech to help with the medics. ]

And... and I'm not gonna tell Genji about any of this. Or anyone. I promised you that. Don't know if you remember.

[ ...He's probably going to tell Eddie but that doesn't count. ]

[mysophobic]

It's...it's getting worse. [ Ugh he just sounds so self deprecating as he looks down at his gloves. He also looks and sounds terrified as he glances back at Cisco. ] I'm so scared I-I won't be able to turn back if it keeps happening.

[ He just presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and takes another shaky breath. ] I don't want to hurt anyone...

[ He never wanted this. He hates his powers, he hates that he scared and probably made Cisco wary of him now. That's not what he wanted to use his powers for. That's not what he...wanted to turn into. But he does finally look away when Cisco talks of Genji. ]

Thank you. I-I'll tell him. I just need some time.

[ He just needs to think on how to really stop this. Maybe with Dodger out of the picture now it won't get any worse. But the damage done is rather evident and it only gets worse from here. ]

[franciscoramon]

That's not gonna happen, Shigeru.

[ There's conviction in Cisco's voice, now, though it's still quiet. If Shigeru turns to look at him, he'll see determination overriding the fear in his expression. Cisco isn't about to let something like that happen to a friend of his. ]

We'll find a way to prevent it, okay? Now that... now that I know it's an issue, we can start figuring out how to manage it. Maybe I can build, uh, a sensor that'll send an alert to me or Genji or whoever, when you- when things get a little out of hand. That way, we can make sure you don't- make sure nobody gets hurt.

[ It can't be great for Shigeru, the way Cisco keeps stopping, reconsidering, censoring himself. A tiny part of Cisco is afraid that if he says the wrong thing, Shigeru will get so upset that he might go back to how he was, before. After all, fear and anger both seem capable of triggering that transformation. Maybe sadness could do it, too. So Cisco is trying to be extra careful with his words, but in the end, it's just another sign of how badly Shigeru had frightened him. ]

I get that.

[ But he's not sure he knows Shigeru well enough to be entirely sure he's telling the truth. He probably intends to tell Genji, right now. Except Cisco knows how these things can go. Maybe he'll put it off, and then feel guilty about how much time has passed, and then justify to himself why it's not so bad to keep it to himself just this one time...

As he's opening the door to the little medical station, Cisco adds: ]

He'll understand. He's struggled with stuff, too. And... he cares about you a lot. I know that.

[mysophobic]

You don't...you don't know that.

[ And it really does hurt to say those words because he can see how even just the tiny bit of interaction they had, had affected Cisco. He notices the stopping, the uncertainty, the fear...

He just feels so horrible because it's something he can't get rid of, even if he wanted to. He does look back at him with a grateful sort of expression on his face. ] That's why I...wanted a power suppressor. Maybe it-it could help.

[ He'll finally take a seat on one of the beds in the small station. His face contorting into pain as he lets out a shaky little gasp. Ow. That...really hurt. He definitely overextended himself as that monster and he's feeling the effects now. ]

I don't want Genji to-to worry. I tried to-to do the right thing with me and Dodger and I...I messed everything up. [ Ugh and his eyes are stinging again as he looks down at his hands again, wiping at his eyes with the back of a shaky hand. ]

I never meant to hurt him...I should have listened to you and-and took someone with me. [ His voice cracks a little as he says that. He never thought Dodger would get so angry to hurt him that badly. He was such an idiot, he should've realized it would go that way. ]

I'm such an idiot. [ He'll just fight back tears as he shakes his head again. ]

[franciscoramon]

Then I'll build you one.

[ It might not be simple, but Cisco's confident in his abilities. He's already designed power-dampening cuffs for the police. It couldn't be that hard to adapt them to Shigeru's powers, and to long-term use, if that really is the best way. Cisco might have argued at a different time, about learning to manage his powers without just suppressing them constantly. But after what he'd seen... that monstrous other Shigeru, well. Maybe a total suppressor is the right call, after all.

(And maybe that night, if he has trouble sleeping, remembering that trail of decay and the black smoke coming from Shigeru's mouth, and how quickly his friends could turn into monsters, he will start working on some schematics...) ]

You know, Eddie's a little bit like you. He never wants me to worry. Any time something's wrong, he tries to hide it, and smile, and pretend it's all good.

[ Cisco wishes Eddie were here, now. Cisco isn't some stereotype of an engineer - good with machines, helpless with people or emotions. But the fact is that Eddie's good at comforting people. He's got plenty of practice, working with victims, families of victims. Cisco does his best, and it's usually enough, but more often than not he just ends up hugging people til they feel better. With Shigeru, that's sort of off the table.

So he keeps trying, with words, and hopes it is enough: ]

I bet Genji would feel the same way about you doing that, as I do when Eddie does it. Like I wish he would trust me to be mature enough to see his flaws and still love him. Genji is incredibly strong. You don't have to worry so much, about breaking him.

[ Cisco goes over to the counter, open a cupboard or two until he finds a box of tissues. It's a tiny gesture, but he holds it out for Shigeru, voice soft as he insists: ]

You are not an idiot. It's not your fault Dodger hurt you. That's never, ever how it works, okay?

[mysophobic]

You...can do that?

[ Would it work is the real question. No ordinary and normal power suppressor is going to do. A shock to Shigeru in that state won't have much of a effect and it's the power of a god. ] I-I don't know if it'll work against a god.

[ But he's willing to give it a shot. Still he listens to Cisco knowing that what he's saying is totally on point. ]

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt Genji. [ He just wipes at his eyes again with the offered tissue now. He doesn't get how Genji can possibly feel like he's worth staying with. And if it keeps happening then...then he might have to leave and the very thought of losing Genji hurts so much to think about. But when Dodger comes up again his face goes pale as he looks momentarily guilty and pained again. ]

But I-I hurt him too. I should have never broke up with him in hospital. I should have w-waited to-to tell him. It's my fault...I said I would never give up on him but I just-I couldn't risk turning into that monster again.

[ He'll say all that through hitched breaths and some tears. He did everything wrong and it was all his fault and he just feels so selfish and horrible. ]

[franciscoramon]

I mean, I built a time machine once, so...

[ Cisco doesn't say it as a brag - he's hardly in the mood to gloat, right now - so much as an example that there's a whole lot that shouldn't really be possible that can be accomplished by technology. And while that time capsule hadn't been his design, he'd made the changes necessary to get it working, had put it together with his bare hands. There's a lot that Cisco doubts about himself, but his engineering and his brains aren't among them. ]

We won't know unless we try.

[ It's all too clear, from the way Shigeru is speaking, blaming himself, shuddering under the weight of all his emotions, that he's not really thinking straight right now. Cisco doesn't blame him for that. He knows how messy all this is for him, what it feels like to blame yourself for any and all misfortunes.

Sitting down on the nearest bed (which is, fortunately, unoccupied), Cisco folds his hands together in his lap, waiting for a natural pause to disagree. ]

Still not your fault. I mean, just from what you've told me about the guy, there was never gonna be good time to talk with him. Right? If you'd waited, he would've just used that as an excuse to get mad and beat you up. That's how people like that think. They twist everything around so it's never their fault. They're always justified.

[ A tiny hint of bitterness creeps into his voice at the end there. Right now, Cisco thinks, he might as well be honest. After the stress and awfulness of confronting a Shigeru who'd turned into a monster, just talking about stuff doesn't seem all that bad. ]

Sometimes you think you're gonna stick by people, and then you realize they're not worth it. Doesn't make you disloyal. You tried. Gave him a lot more chances than most people would've. But at a certain point... not giving up on somebody just turns into enabling them. Helping them hurt you, and other people.

[mysophobic]

[ He looks at Cisco with a hint of awe. He'd ask more about it but he's just...too tired and drained right now to really think. ]

I-I guess so. But...I want to be able to use my powers as needed too. Something I can put on and off but maybe can stay on if I-I lose control? [ If that makes sense. Maybe something that triggers a fail safe if he turns so it can't be removed would be good too.

Still his eyes look down at the floor as Cisco speaks. He knows what the other says is true and he knows that Dodger would have gotten angry no matter what, especially when it involved Genji. ]

I know you're right. But it still feels terrible. I-I'm just...not very good at this sort of thing. I've never been in a relationship before I came here.

[franciscoramon]

A bracelet that'll come on and off, but with a failsafe. You'd have to keep it close, and it probably won't be foolproof. I'm not sure how possible it will be to make the locking mechanism automatic. But I can put a button for you to press, to make it so it can't be removed...

[ There's a distraction in his eyes, then, his mind already turning over the possibilities, what would be the best power source, the alterations he might need to make to counteract Shigeru's abilities in particular. It's soothing, to think about solutions, rather than dwell on what had happened, on what might happen in the future. Designing tech, even if it's just brainstorming in his head, makes Cisco feel a little less powerless. ]

Yeah.

[ It doesn't really surprise Cisco, that Shigeru hadn't had relationships before he came here. Part of that is to do with Shigeru himself - the circumstances he'd described in his own world, where there was a stigma around powers. The fact that, well, now Cisco has seen just how terrifying Shigeru's powers are. There's also the simple fact that, a lot of the people who get drawn in by the portal are disconnected from others, from the world around them. That isolation makes them good candidates, to come here. ]

I'm not very good at it, either. I'm... a lot better at giving advice, than following it, or making smart decisions.

[ The medic shows up, then, and Cisco goes quiet, stepping back a few paces to give room as she asks Shigeru what the problem is. He knows that he can probably leave, now - in fact, he probably ought to, so he's not in the way. But he feels a certain reluctance to go. A tiny, awful voice from the back of his mind is worried that if he goes, Shigeru might slip back into being that monster, hurt the medic or anyone else nearby. Cisco should maybe keep an eye on him...

But he shakes that thought off, says an awkward goodbye, and leaves. And, as much as he hates to admit it, it's a bit of a relief, when he's out of the room, and away from Shigeru. That unease will fade, Cisco thinks, with time. At least, he hopes so. ]