[ It's a few weeks after the whole Shigeru-goes-all-Jekyll-and-Hyde incident, and Cisco hasn't been... avoiding him, exactly. It's not that the two of them saw each other all that regularly. But there had been a few times, when Cisco had seen him here and there, where before he would have called out to get his attention, say hello, when it just... seemed easier not to say anything.
He'd justified it to himself, said that the both of them would be grateful for a little space, that he is taking precautions to let the awkwardness pass. But he knew, even as he thought that, that it wasn't entirely the truth. He was nervous, now at the thought of being around Shigeru, and he didn't want to admit it to himself, much less to let the other man see. Cisco remembers how much it had seemed to relieve Shigeru, when he first mentioned his powers, that Cisco wasn't all that scared by him. Now, well. It's a different story.
But that can only go on for so long, especially when Cisco has been following up on his offer to make Shigeru a device that will block his powers. He's done as much work as he possibly can without actually testing the prototype, however. So one day, out of the blue, he texts: ]
hey, shigeru think you could drop by my workshop sometime tomorrow or the day after? i've got a prototype power dampener and i wanna test it out, see how well it holds up
[ Honestly Shigeru wasn't expecting Cisco to contact him much after what he'd seen. Shigeru is really just glad that he didn't completely ruin his friendship with Cisco because the other was just so...supportive towards him. There's some relief that comes with the text knowing Cisco hasn't given up on him and knowing that he's trying to find a way to make sure Shigeru doesn't lose control again. ]
Yes that's fine! I can stop by tomorrow! Or I can stop there now. I just finished my shift at the hospital.But only if you're alright with that...
[ He doesn't want to make Cisco uncomfortable after all. He's done enough of that as is. ]
[ Cisco is surprised by Shigeru's offer to swing by right then. Truth be told, he'd anticipated having an extra day or two to prepare. Not that there is more work to do on the tech itself - it was just his courage that needed screwing up. He hesitates before texting back, wanting to delay the meeting, but not knowing of any good excuse for it that he could give.
And besides, perhaps this is the best way. He doesn't have that extra time to dread and overthink. No, better to just go for it. ]
sure, now works too! just come in when you get here, the door is open! see you then!
[ He's overcompensating with cheerful exclamation points, a little. Cisco starts tidying his workspace, partly because it's a bit of a disaster at the moment, and partly because it's a good distraction. ]
[ Shigeru will arrive shortly after Cisco sends that text. He's...really unsure of himself and lately has just been feeling absolutely horrible about everything that's happened. Shigeru didn't have good self esteem to begin with but this wasn't helping either.
When he arrives at Cisco's shop he'll give a little knock on the door before entering. ]
Cisco? It's me, Shigeru. [ He sounds and looks hesitant as he steps inside fully and closes the door. He also has in his hand a bag of what can be assumed are donuts. ] I-I didn't know what you liked and I passed by this pastry shop on the way here so II just thought you might want something to eat?
[ It's a sort of thank you too, for not running away and never speaking to him again. ]
[ Cisco knows that Shigeru has some troubles with germ phobias, but he doesn't know that might extend to accepting gifts of food and drink from others. So he has made a fresh pot of coffee, and the smell of it is strong as Shigeru comes into the workshop.
Because the truth is, Cisco is feeling unsure, too. He wants to put the whole thing into the past. To think of it as little as he did that time Rainbow Raider had gotten into Caitlin's head, made her go all rage monster and tackle him and start hitting him. This is just as little Shigeru's fault as that was hers. Cisco firmly believes that.
But he's worried that his nervousness will show, despite his best intentions. So he's overcompensating, by trying to be as cheerful as possible. ]
That's perfect! I just made some coffee, so we can have a little snack while we talk.
[ Cisco pours coffee into two mugs, sets one down by an empty chair and then drops back down into his own chair, cradling his coffee between both hands, trying to seem as normal as he can. There's tension in the air, but he ignores it. ]
Um, how've you been?
[ It's a polite question to ask, of course, but there's some worry behind it, too. Shigeru had said that he was concerned, that he was getting worse. Cisco also isn't sure if Shigeru had told Genji about the whole thing yet, or run into Dodger again... ]
[ The tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Where has he felt this way before...oh, right, after he had turned when he fought Jern to save Alex and himself. He knew the atmosphere and he hated it just because it was a familiar feeling. He hated that his powers had made someone he enjoyed the company of...so distant and scared of him.
His smile is shaky at best as he looks at the mug before he sits down in the chair, not really touching the mug or the coffee. He's been a ball of nerves since that text so it's...things like this that make his phobia hard to manage. Even now his gloves are speckled with blood but it's hard to notice with the way he folds his gloved hands in his lap. But he also does want to offend Cisco either. He just fiddles with the hem of his shirt instead, resisting that nagging urge to scratch at his hands. ]
Fine! I-I've been...fine. I...met Genji when he was younger and I was younger too. [ There's a slight blush on his cheeks as he remembers their date. ] But aside from that nothing too strange has happened. [ He looks away before looking back at Cisco. ]
[ Cisco thinks he understands the meaning of 'nothing too strange'. There hadn't been another incident with Shigeru's powers. Which is a good sign.
It's all too obvious from his friend's body language that he's intensely anxious and uncomfortable, and despite his lingering fear, Cisco sympathizes, wants to make this process easier if he can. If only he were braver, could say confidently and honestly that he'd forgotten the whole thing... ]
I've been good. Managed to hear about those make-you-a-teenager flowers before I ran into one, so I avoided that, which is a good thing, 'cause I would've hated that shit.
[ Cisco sets down his coffee and picks up the prototype. It's discreet - a little bracelet, with what appear to be unlit LEDs running along the center, sandwiched between shiny chrome. It has a hinge, and Cisco opens it, but doesn't hold it out for Shigeru to take. They need to talk a little more, first. ]
So... have you had a chance to talk to him? About... any of the stuff that happened?
[ Breaking up with Dodger, getting hurt, how he'd lost control afterwards, what he'd nearly done. Cisco knows that he and Shigeru have a few things in common; he suspects that Shigeru's instincts are like his, that when bad things happen, he tries to hide them, suppress all thoughts about them, pretend they're not real as if he could make it so. And maybe he is going to need a gentle nudge in the right direction, when it comes to telling Genji the truth.
How many months had Cisco wasted, pretending everything was okay, when he first got his powers, and he was still dealing with all the aftermath of the Eobard stuff? It hadn't been 'til he came here that he was forced to confront it - but awful as that was, it had been better in the end. ]
He was...very different from Genji now, wasn't he? But he was still nice to me, even if I was sure he wouldn't be. We were so different at that age, it was really eye opening to see.
[ Still he can't help but smile widely as he speaks about the other. But it's short lived when Cisco brings up that small, but important, detail. ]
I...I haven't had the chance. It's not that I'm hiding it or trying to forget it. A lot of things keep happening and I don't really know...what he'll say. Maybe with the power suppressor it'll be easier to keep his mind at ease about it.
[ he does eye the bracelet with some uncertainty but there's a resolve in his eyes when he looks away. ] I talked to him about breaking up with Dodger but I didn't mention the...turning into-into a monster.
Very different in some most, but... not so different, in a few.
[ The younger Genji had been rude, brash, short-tempered, puffed-up with pride, but... there had been traces there os the grown-up him. They'd mostly shown through when he had spoken about Shigeru. Cisco can't be sure, but he thinks it is because being with Shigeru brings out something youthful in Genji, in the best possible way. It's nice to know he hadn't lost all of that humor, and mischief, and lightness, when Hanzo had tried to kill him.
But when Shigeru gives the exact answer that Cisco had been expecting - a no, with some perfectly reasonable-sounding excuses of course - his shoulders sag. He nods a few times, not saying a word. He doesn't speak for a long moment. After all, now the thought is in his head - if he's too harsh, if he says the wrong thing, is Shigeru going to go off once more? Cisco had definitely not intended for that sort of field test.
Eventually, he says: ]
I'm gonna level with you. Right now, I feel like... if we test this out, and it works, and I give it to you, you're just gonna use this to find more reasons to keep not telling him. Just like you found reasons to try to deal with everything all on your own, before. And that makes me feel like I'm enabling you, and I'm not.... super comfortable with that. I mean - no matter how awesome my tech is, this is not a magic bullet. It's not foolproof. It gets damaged, or lost, or you forget to put it on one day, and- and we're right back where we started.
[ Cisco sets down the bracelet, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and doing his best not to remember how his blood had turned to ice when Shigeru had advanced on him, shadow writhing unnaturally, black smoke pouring out of his mouth. He's not trying to make an ultimatum, here, but all his pretense at cheerfulness and nonchalance earlier is gone. He clears his throat, not looking at Shigeru, voice gone just a touch throaty with emotion as he explains: ]
I know you said... you don't remember stuff, after, so, I'm just gonna tell you this... I'm just gonna tell you this not because I want you to feel bad or apologize or any of that, but because I want you to understand why I really think you need to tell Genji, for everybody's sake, beyond just, you know, respecting him and being honest to the guy you're with.
[ Cisco risks a glance up at Shigeru, and then drops his gaze to somewhere on the ground near to their feet again. He knows his friend is miserable, that this will likely make him feel worse, but it needs to be said. ]
I'm... we're lucky things didn't go worse. A lot worse. You were... [ A long, uncomfortable pause as Cisco decides how to word this. ] ... about to hurt me. And just by accident, I mentioned Genji's name, talking about meditation techniques, and that was- you kind of snapped out of it, right then. I'm pretty sure, if I hadn't...
[ Cisco looks up again, and there's no hiding the hurt in his face. He tries to be casual, gives a feeble shrug though his arms are still crossed. Looking back, he thinks that saying Genji's name on accident had meant the difference between how things had played out, and running for his life, and probably getting murdered because who could outrun magic? But he needs to not think about that, right now. ]
Maybe you only would've hurt me real bad. I don't know. The point is... I think Genji, uh, Genji and how you feel about him, reminded you that you weren't a monster, after all. And so at a certain point, it's not about his peace of mind, or your relationship, it's about - having another card up our sleeve, in case the dampener ever gets broken.
[ Shigeru just hunches in on himself as Cisco speaks. He knows Cisco isn't trying to make him feel bad, at least he doesn't think so, but he still feels horrible regardless. He looks away and then shakes his head turning to give Cisco a rather dismayed look. ]
I-I'm not! I'm not going to use it as an excuse. I...I know just how serious this is, that's why I asked you for your help. And I know it might not be a foolproof plan. I am going to tell Genji, it's just a been crazy week. But I am going to tell him. I...he already knows about what I am anyway.
[ He'll clench his hands together as he says that. ] I don't know why he's...still with me even knowing and seeing what I am. I don't know how he has so much faith in me.
[ He doesn't understand, especially now, but it's rather obvious that Shigeru is losing this battle. ] But I don't want to let him down either so I...I am going to talk to him about it.
[ Cisco says it with conviction; more than he is, indeed, entirely feeling. Cisco wishes he trusted Shigeru, without hesitation. He thinks that Shigeru means his promises, at this moment. But that doesn't mean he isn't going to change his mind later, put it off, come up with reasons why he couldn't possibly...
Still, Cisco senses there's no point in belaboring it. He'd said what he needed to say, about how Genji might be an important safeguard. The rest is up to Shigeru. ]
He's with you 'cause he cares about you. Anybody can see that. And he's got faith in you 'cause... that's the sort of person he is.
[ Picking up the bracelet again, Cisco holds it out for Shigeru to take with a small smile. ]
You know, it might... be a good idea to find somebody else to talk to, too. About all this stuff. The powers, and Dodger, and feeling like that about yourself, like you don't deserve people liking you. Obviously, I mean, telling Genji what happened is the right call, but... sometimes it's a good idea to have someone separate you can go to when stuff is getting tough. That way, even if something bad happens, but you aren't ready to tell Genji about it, you'll have support. I could... give you the number for my therapist, if you wanted? She can always get you a referral if it's not a good fit.
[ Cisco still only knows a small amount about the world Shigeru comes from, so he doesn't really know the degree to which therapy was even a thing, there. But he's been living in this place for long enough, working in a hospital, that he must be familiar with the concept at least by now? ]
I don't...want to disappoint him. [ He's already did that enough with Dodger, unhealthy or not, it still hurt to think about. Shigeru worries his lip as he looks away. He doesn't really get it, why Genji has so much faith in him, even after he's lost control countless times already. He wishes he could believe in himself but it's just...really hard. Still he tentatively take the offered bracelet not putting it on quite yet. ]
I-I guess so. I...I've tried therapy before, back home, for my phobia and other things. It's to help prevent our gates from degrading and they have ways of repairing the d-damage a little bit. But I don't...have access to those things here. [ Either way the therapy he has had doesn't really stick and it shows. ]
No one would ever want to talk to me after I turned, because to everyone at home I-I'm just turning into a monster. Like a ticking time b-bomb. But it might help here. I don't know what else to try. [ And he'll wringing his hands a little as he fiddles with the bracelet. At least with something like this he might have a good chance of not turning into a Forenthieth and it does give him some peace of mind. ]
I just...don't want people to be afraid of me. [ He hates his powers and this stupid curse. ] I wish I didn't have these powers sometimes. It just makes everything more difficult. [ Why couldn't he just be normal? ]
[ Cisco's smile softens, and he watches as Shigeru takes the bracelet and then just holds it, gnawing his lip and looking away. It's easy, at that moment, to let the memory of the monstrous Shigeru fade a little in the background of his mind. Cisco has never been someone who could ignore the pain of others, especially not when they are sitting right in front of him. In the face of that, his fear doesn't seem so important anymore. ]
I know you don't. And I know how that feels, believe me. But- but you can't let the fear of letting him down turn into a wall you keep in between you. Because all he'll feel is... shut out.
[ As soon as Shigeru doesn't immediately say 'no', Cisco pulls his phone from his pocket so he can forward his therapist's contact info to Shigeru. He tosses off a quick text to her, letting her know that Shigeru could be getting in touch soon, and that he might be a bit jumpy about follow-through but that he really needs some help. He talks even as he types, saying: ]
She probably can't help you with your gate, since I'm pretty sure she isn't from your world or anything, but I bet she could help with the phobia stuff, and I talk to her about my powers all the time. She said she gets a lot of people with scary abilities, working here. I doubt there's anything you could tell her that would make her think- that would make her feel like those people did back home.
[ And just as he's finishing the message, Shigeru says he doesn't want people to be afraid of him, in that miserable, defeated voice. Cisco looks up, face quiet and sad. He wishes so badly he could say I'm not afraid of you, but it would be a lie, now, and they would both know it. So he just swallows and says, softly: ]
I... I know. I'm gonna do my best to help.
[ He makes a little motion to the bracelet, gesturing for Shigeru to put it on. If it were someone else, in different circumstances, Cisco might give him a pep talk about accepting his powers, about not wishing them away. But... he doesn't really have it in him right now. ]
You'll know what mode it's on based on the colors of the little lights, so, white is powered on but deactivated, blue is powered on and activated, and purple is, uh. Lockdown mode.
[ Shigeru nods at that. He...definitely gets it when put that way. Of course Shigeru is still just so new to this whole relationship thing that he sometimes doesn't know what to do with himself during times like these. Even still he'll try to do whatever he can to make sure he doesn't mess up, even if that ends up stressing him out.
He might watch Cisco with some uncertainty, his hands clenched in his lap, as he fidgets with the mentioning of his phobia. ]
I-I am trying to get better with it. When it comes to Genji he can touch me as much as he w-wants. With other people though...it's still uncomfortable. But I...still don't like taking my gloves off. [ It's super uncomfortable for him to even think about doing. ]
Th-thank you. I...really appreciate everything, even after what's happened. [ And how Cisco is probably nervous around him now...
Still he'll tentatively look at the bracelet before slipping it on over his gloves. It'll click into place, snug around his wrist, as he looks at the colors when Cisco explains them. ] Um. What happens if I try to use my powers in the activated mode?
Hey, sounds to me like you're making progress. You should be proud. You can't do it all in a day.
[ In this case, Cisco thinks offering up his own example of gradual progress is probably not the best idea. The only two applicable areas that come to mind for him are control of his powers (which would feel like rubbing it in Shigeru's face, after the whole incident) and his ability to get close to people without being afraid they'll turn on him and hurt him (an area where he'd had a recent setback, but like hell is Cisco going to let Shigeru know how very much of a trigger that is for him). So he just grabs his coffee again, drinks and lets the awkward silence hang. ]
Of course. What are friends for?
[ He means the words, even smiles to show it, but it's a small smile, and doesn't change the tense watchfulness that flickers into Cisco's expression when Shigeru leans forward to take the bracelet. Thank goodness, Shigeru starts asking technical questions. Technical questions are easy as pie. ]
Well, hopefully, nothing. That's the point. It's not like- it doesn't do anything to you, just nullifies your powers temporarily. Shouldn't have any long term effect, it's just... emitting a field that the energy can't get through. In theory. Twist that bit, right near the LED?
[ He tells Shigeru to do it, rather than reaching over to do it himself, knowing it's wise. He could probably do it without touching even Shigeru's glove if he were careful, but better to just avoid even getting close. Cisco waits for Shigeru to twist the activator; the light shifts from a faint white to a bright blue, and there is an almost imperceptible little whine and hum as the nullifier kicks in. ]
Do you feel anything?
[ When Cisco uses the cuffs, there is a definite deadening sensation. Like he's gone numb, but in a way he can't quite put his finger on. It's not painful, or even all that noticeable after the first few moments. But he knows that, long-term, it can grow irritating. ]
I-I'm not so sure. Every time I make progress I just...fall back again into old habits. Nothing ever really sticks with me. [ Sometimes he wonders if it's just easier to give up but then he remembers he has Genji and doing something like that wouldn't be fair to the other man at all. ]
So it...doesn't shock you or anything like that? [ He's really serious about that question. Because having seen the power nullifying collar Dodger had worn made him think all of them came that way. But he nods mutely as he turns the dial to get the bracelet started. It's a jolt of...not pain but this odd sense of lacking something. ]
It's like a dull...ache I guess? I-I've never been without my powers before. It's just...different. [ He's totally unsure how to really feel about all of this. ]
Shigeru lets out a soft, surprised, exhale of air as he looks down at the bracelet, his hands shaking a little.
No, man, it doesn't shock you. That'd be fucked up.
[ Cisco can tell that Shigeru means it, that he genuinely expected the cuffs might do something like that. And that gives Cisco serious pause. He sets down his coffee, giving Shigeru a serious and worried look. His nervousness fades, replaced by a more urgent feeling or worry. Cisco waits until Shigeru meets his gaze and then says, quietly: ]
Shigeru, I would never make something for you like that. I mean, no matter what. I know... I know I'm acting all... but you're my friend, okay? This is not- I'm not trying to punish you. And I'm not gonna make anything that would hurt you.
[ If Shigeru is worried that the cuffs might do something like that, Cisco's not going to wait to tell him the rest. ]
If it goes into lockdown mode, which should only happen if it detects you losing control, there's some other stuff that'll happen, but it's nothing like that. You won't be able to switch them off like normal, until I input a particular code into my phone and it transmits an 'all clear' frequency. Once lockdown gets activated it'll automatically send out a ping to my phone, with the time it got set off and your location. But that's only so I can make sure- make sure you don't hurt anybody if you manage to break out of it, and even if not, make sure you're okay, and figure out what happened to make you go all limit break. Okay?
[ He'd tried to balance those emergency features, to guarantee his own safety, and avert any crises as quickly as possible, but not to harm or humiliate Shigeru, when he will probably already be hurting. ]
Does it hurt? I know, like, when I have it on, it's kinda low-key annoying, but it shouldn't be outright painful. Try, um. Try using your powers on something.
I-I just...wasn't sure. The collars that Dodger had...they shocked him every time he used his powers. [ He looks nervously back at the bracelet. ] S-Sorry. I didn't mean to assume that you would ever make something like that for-for me or anyone else. I didn't know if...they came any other way.
[ Truth be told Shigeru feels like he deserves a collar or bracelet like that. Especially when he turns into that monster. Perhaps it would be even better if that were the case. He doesn't say it outright but his expression...certainly has that look to it that suggests what he's thinking. Even back home they had shock collars for phrobiests who were criminals. But he knows Cisco wouldn't do something like on purpose. ]
I understand. How does it know to differentiate between when I use my powers normally and when I...lose control though? [ It's something he'd been wondering since he asked and wanted the bracelet made. ]
It's not painful...not really. It's just...weird I guess. I feel sort of...empty? But maybe that's because Malnemnious's influence isn't there. [ Still he nods silently as he tries to tap into his powers. There's a dull ache as he does so as if something isn't connecting properly when he tries to do it. His eyes briefly flicker to their state when he activates his powers but it lasts a second before they turn back to normal. Shigeru lets out a surprised huff of air. ]
It's really amazing...what you can do with technology.
[ Cisco doesn't comment on that little tidbit of information, but it's probably clear from his lack of outrage that he doesn't seem to think a shock collar is all that bad a idea, in Dodger's case. Cisco's not going to say it, because he knows Shigeru's got guilt and complicated feelings about the whole thing, but he doesn't think much of the guy, to say the least. ]
It's a combination of factors. Pulse rate, muscle tension, hormone levels in your sweat, spikes in how much you're drawing on your powers... it might take some tweaks before we get it right, and for the first few versions you might get some false positives. But if that happens I can just come to you and unlock it. Better too often than not often enough, right?
[ Cisco knows there are risks. If Shigeru gets really angry or really scared, but isn't losing control of his powers, it might go off regardless. But in that case, the worst that will happen is that Cisco will know something is wrong. It might not be a DANGEROUS something, but... even so. ]
If you've got any ideas how to refine that further I'm all ears. I'm working with a relatively limited knowledge base when it comes to abilities like yours.
[ He watches as Shigeru tries to use his powers, and he can tell just from Shigeru's expression that the cuff is working, that his powers are being blocked. Cisco recognizes that look of surprise, knows how it feels to reach for your powers and not feel them there. It's a lurch, like missing a step going up a staircase. He sees the shift in Shigeru's eyes, and for a moment he's worried the bracelet won't be strong enough. But then they're shifting back to normal, and Cisco exhales. ]
It's not a perfect fix. You don't wanna leave it on all the time. That sort of gross empty feeling isn't gonna go away, probably, and the couple times I tried wearing a dampener for more than a few days in a row it wore me out. Like, I just felt exhausted and irritable and it sucked. So - it's a sometimes solution. If you need to not have your powers for a few hours, or you know you're going into a situation where stuff might get out of hand.
I-I guess you're right. [ But having it activate when someone wasin dire need of his powers might get to be a bit...bad. Especially at the hospital when he worked. But there's always room for improvements. ]
My...our powers as phrobiests are also connected to our emotions. I-I don't know if there would be a way to have it turn on when I get angry or-or something like that, since that's how it happens in the first place.
[ He fiddles with the bracelet and nods as Cisco explains. ]
No. I...I don't think leaving it on would be a good idea. Especially if someone needs my abilities in a life or death situation.
'Angry' is difficult to pinpoint. I-I'm not really sure how I could do that, except...
[ He hesitates, rubbing a hand across his mouth, gaze distracted and fixed in the middle distance. ]
Naw. It wouldn't work. The only way I can think of is you get really mad while I'm monitoring your vitals and a bunch of other physical reactions, then I could tailor the cuff to focus just on that, and distinguish it from just- feeling stressed or afraid.
[ Even as he's saying it wouldn't be possible, Cisco is wondering if there would be a way to set that up. It feels like playing with fire, and besides, he'd so recently narrowly avoided getting burned. Besides, emotions don't work like that. Shigeru couldn't just get mad on cue.
He would have to give it some more thought. ]
And it wouldn't be good for you.
[ Cisco can tell that Shigeru has a tendency not to take care of himself, so there's a hint of insistence in the way he says that. After all, it's one thing to be totally self-sacrificing and not take care of yourself when the only one who could suffer is you. But if Shigeru is unhappy, that will have a ripple effect. It'll impact Genji, and other people in Shigeru's life. And it might increase the risk that he is so miserable that he loses control again. ]
You gotta take care of yourself, too. And ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
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🐙 shigeru
He'd justified it to himself, said that the both of them would be grateful for a little space, that he is taking precautions to let the awkwardness pass. But he knew, even as he thought that, that it wasn't entirely the truth. He was nervous, now at the thought of being around Shigeru, and he didn't want to admit it to himself, much less to let the other man see. Cisco remembers how much it had seemed to relieve Shigeru, when he first mentioned his powers, that Cisco wasn't all that scared by him. Now, well. It's a different story.
But that can only go on for so long, especially when Cisco has been following up on his offer to make Shigeru a device that will block his powers. He's done as much work as he possibly can without actually testing the prototype, however. So one day, out of the blue, he texts: ]
hey, shigeru
think you could drop by my workshop sometime tomorrow or the day after?
i've got a prototype power dampener and i wanna test it out, see how well it holds up
no subject
Yes that's fine! I can stop by tomorrow! Or I can stop there now. I just finished my shift at the hospital.But only if you're alright with that...
[ He doesn't want to make Cisco uncomfortable after all. He's done enough of that as is. ]
no subject
And besides, perhaps this is the best way. He doesn't have that extra time to dread and overthink. No, better to just go for it. ]
sure, now works too!
just come in when you get here, the door is open!
see you then!
[ He's overcompensating with cheerful exclamation points, a little. Cisco starts tidying his workspace, partly because it's a bit of a disaster at the moment, and partly because it's a good distraction. ]
no subject
When he arrives at Cisco's shop he'll give a little knock on the door before entering. ]
Cisco? It's me, Shigeru. [ He sounds and looks hesitant as he steps inside fully and closes the door. He also has in his hand a bag of what can be assumed are donuts. ] I-I didn't know what you liked and I passed by this pastry shop on the way here so II just thought you might want something to eat?
[ It's a sort of thank you too, for not running away and never speaking to him again. ]
no subject
Because the truth is, Cisco is feeling unsure, too. He wants to put the whole thing into the past. To think of it as little as he did that time Rainbow Raider had gotten into Caitlin's head, made her go all rage monster and tackle him and start hitting him. This is just as little Shigeru's fault as that was hers. Cisco firmly believes that.
But he's worried that his nervousness will show, despite his best intentions. So he's overcompensating, by trying to be as cheerful as possible. ]
That's perfect! I just made some coffee, so we can have a little snack while we talk.
[ Cisco pours coffee into two mugs, sets one down by an empty chair and then drops back down into his own chair, cradling his coffee between both hands, trying to seem as normal as he can. There's tension in the air, but he ignores it. ]
Um, how've you been?
[ It's a polite question to ask, of course, but there's some worry behind it, too. Shigeru had said that he was concerned, that he was getting worse. Cisco also isn't sure if Shigeru had told Genji about the whole thing yet, or run into Dodger again... ]
no subject
His smile is shaky at best as he looks at the mug before he sits down in the chair, not really touching the mug or the coffee. He's been a ball of nerves since that text so it's...things like this that make his phobia hard to manage. Even now his gloves are speckled with blood but it's hard to notice with the way he folds his gloved hands in his lap. But he also does want to offend Cisco either. He just fiddles with the hem of his shirt instead, resisting that nagging urge to scratch at his hands. ]
Fine! I-I've been...fine. I...met Genji when he was younger and I was younger too. [ There's a slight blush on his cheeks as he remembers their date. ] But aside from that nothing too strange has happened. [ He looks away before looking back at Cisco. ]
How, um, h-have you been?
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[ Cisco thinks he understands the meaning of 'nothing too strange'. There hadn't been another incident with Shigeru's powers. Which is a good sign.
It's all too obvious from his friend's body language that he's intensely anxious and uncomfortable, and despite his lingering fear, Cisco sympathizes, wants to make this process easier if he can. If only he were braver, could say confidently and honestly that he'd forgotten the whole thing... ]
I've been good. Managed to hear about those make-you-a-teenager flowers before I ran into one, so I avoided that, which is a good thing, 'cause I would've hated that shit.
[ Cisco sets down his coffee and picks up the prototype. It's discreet - a little bracelet, with what appear to be unlit LEDs running along the center, sandwiched between shiny chrome. It has a hinge, and Cisco opens it, but doesn't hold it out for Shigeru to take. They need to talk a little more, first. ]
So... have you had a chance to talk to him? About... any of the stuff that happened?
[ Breaking up with Dodger, getting hurt, how he'd lost control afterwards, what he'd nearly done. Cisco knows that he and Shigeru have a few things in common; he suspects that Shigeru's instincts are like his, that when bad things happen, he tries to hide them, suppress all thoughts about them, pretend they're not real as if he could make it so. And maybe he is going to need a gentle nudge in the right direction, when it comes to telling Genji the truth.
How many months had Cisco wasted, pretending everything was okay, when he first got his powers, and he was still dealing with all the aftermath of the Eobard stuff? It hadn't been 'til he came here that he was forced to confront it - but awful as that was, it had been better in the end. ]
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[ Still he can't help but smile widely as he speaks about the other. But it's short lived when Cisco brings up that small, but important, detail. ]
I...I haven't had the chance. It's not that I'm hiding it or trying to forget it. A lot of things keep happening and I don't really know...what he'll say. Maybe with the power suppressor it'll be easier to keep his mind at ease about it.
[ he does eye the bracelet with some uncertainty but there's a resolve in his eyes when he looks away. ] I talked to him about breaking up with Dodger but I didn't mention the...turning into-into a monster.
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[ The younger Genji had been rude, brash, short-tempered, puffed-up with pride, but... there had been traces there os the grown-up him. They'd mostly shown through when he had spoken about Shigeru. Cisco can't be sure, but he thinks it is because being with Shigeru brings out something youthful in Genji, in the best possible way. It's nice to know he hadn't lost all of that humor, and mischief, and lightness, when Hanzo had tried to kill him.
But when Shigeru gives the exact answer that Cisco had been expecting - a no, with some perfectly reasonable-sounding excuses of course - his shoulders sag. He nods a few times, not saying a word. He doesn't speak for a long moment. After all, now the thought is in his head - if he's too harsh, if he says the wrong thing, is Shigeru going to go off once more? Cisco had definitely not intended for that sort of field test.
Eventually, he says: ]
I'm gonna level with you. Right now, I feel like... if we test this out, and it works, and I give it to you, you're just gonna use this to find more reasons to keep not telling him. Just like you found reasons to try to deal with everything all on your own, before. And that makes me feel like I'm enabling you, and I'm not.... super comfortable with that. I mean - no matter how awesome my tech is, this is not a magic bullet. It's not foolproof. It gets damaged, or lost, or you forget to put it on one day, and- and we're right back where we started.
[ Cisco sets down the bracelet, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and doing his best not to remember how his blood had turned to ice when Shigeru had advanced on him, shadow writhing unnaturally, black smoke pouring out of his mouth. He's not trying to make an ultimatum, here, but all his pretense at cheerfulness and nonchalance earlier is gone. He clears his throat, not looking at Shigeru, voice gone just a touch throaty with emotion as he explains: ]
I know you said... you don't remember stuff, after, so, I'm just gonna tell you this... I'm just gonna tell you this not because I want you to feel bad or apologize or any of that, but because I want you to understand why I really think you need to tell Genji, for everybody's sake, beyond just, you know, respecting him and being honest to the guy you're with.
[ Cisco risks a glance up at Shigeru, and then drops his gaze to somewhere on the ground near to their feet again. He knows his friend is miserable, that this will likely make him feel worse, but it needs to be said. ]
I'm... we're lucky things didn't go worse. A lot worse. You were... [ A long, uncomfortable pause as Cisco decides how to word this. ] ... about to hurt me. And just by accident, I mentioned Genji's name, talking about meditation techniques, and that was- you kind of snapped out of it, right then. I'm pretty sure, if I hadn't...
[ Cisco looks up again, and there's no hiding the hurt in his face. He tries to be casual, gives a feeble shrug though his arms are still crossed. Looking back, he thinks that saying Genji's name on accident had meant the difference between how things had played out, and running for his life, and probably getting murdered because who could outrun magic? But he needs to not think about that, right now. ]
Maybe you only would've hurt me real bad. I don't know. The point is... I think Genji, uh, Genji and how you feel about him, reminded you that you weren't a monster, after all. And so at a certain point, it's not about his peace of mind, or your relationship, it's about - having another card up our sleeve, in case the dampener ever gets broken.
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I-I'm not! I'm not going to use it as an excuse. I...I know just how serious this is, that's why I asked you for your help. And I know it might not be a foolproof plan. I am going to tell Genji, it's just a been crazy week. But I am going to tell him. I...he already knows about what I am anyway.
[ He'll clench his hands together as he says that. ] I don't know why he's...still with me even knowing and seeing what I am. I don't know how he has so much faith in me.
[ He doesn't understand, especially now, but it's rather obvious that Shigeru is losing this battle. ] But I don't want to let him down either so I...I am going to talk to him about it.
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[ Cisco says it with conviction; more than he is, indeed, entirely feeling. Cisco wishes he trusted Shigeru, without hesitation. He thinks that Shigeru means his promises, at this moment. But that doesn't mean he isn't going to change his mind later, put it off, come up with reasons why he couldn't possibly...
Still, Cisco senses there's no point in belaboring it. He'd said what he needed to say, about how Genji might be an important safeguard. The rest is up to Shigeru. ]
He's with you 'cause he cares about you. Anybody can see that. And he's got faith in you 'cause... that's the sort of person he is.
[ Picking up the bracelet again, Cisco holds it out for Shigeru to take with a small smile. ]
You know, it might... be a good idea to find somebody else to talk to, too. About all this stuff. The powers, and Dodger, and feeling like that about yourself, like you don't deserve people liking you. Obviously, I mean, telling Genji what happened is the right call, but... sometimes it's a good idea to have someone separate you can go to when stuff is getting tough. That way, even if something bad happens, but you aren't ready to tell Genji about it, you'll have support. I could... give you the number for my therapist, if you wanted? She can always get you a referral if it's not a good fit.
[ Cisco still only knows a small amount about the world Shigeru comes from, so he doesn't really know the degree to which therapy was even a thing, there. But he's been living in this place for long enough, working in a hospital, that he must be familiar with the concept at least by now? ]
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I-I guess so. I...I've tried therapy before, back home, for my phobia and other things. It's to help prevent our gates from degrading and they have ways of repairing the d-damage a little bit. But I don't...have access to those things here. [ Either way the therapy he has had doesn't really stick and it shows. ]
No one would ever want to talk to me after I turned, because to everyone at home I-I'm just turning into a monster. Like a ticking time b-bomb. But it might help here. I don't know what else to try. [ And he'll wringing his hands a little as he fiddles with the bracelet. At least with something like this he might have a good chance of not turning into a Forenthieth and it does give him some peace of mind. ]
I just...don't want people to be afraid of me. [ He hates his powers and this stupid curse. ] I wish I didn't have these powers sometimes. It just makes everything more difficult. [ Why couldn't he just be normal? ]
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I know you don't. And I know how that feels, believe me. But- but you can't let the fear of letting him down turn into a wall you keep in between you. Because all he'll feel is... shut out.
[ As soon as Shigeru doesn't immediately say 'no', Cisco pulls his phone from his pocket so he can forward his therapist's contact info to Shigeru. He tosses off a quick text to her, letting her know that Shigeru could be getting in touch soon, and that he might be a bit jumpy about follow-through but that he really needs some help. He talks even as he types, saying: ]
She probably can't help you with your gate, since I'm pretty sure she isn't from your world or anything, but I bet she could help with the phobia stuff, and I talk to her about my powers all the time. She said she gets a lot of people with scary abilities, working here. I doubt there's anything you could tell her that would make her think- that would make her feel like those people did back home.
[ And just as he's finishing the message, Shigeru says he doesn't want people to be afraid of him, in that miserable, defeated voice. Cisco looks up, face quiet and sad. He wishes so badly he could say I'm not afraid of you, but it would be a lie, now, and they would both know it. So he just swallows and says, softly: ]
I... I know. I'm gonna do my best to help.
[ He makes a little motion to the bracelet, gesturing for Shigeru to put it on. If it were someone else, in different circumstances, Cisco might give him a pep talk about accepting his powers, about not wishing them away. But... he doesn't really have it in him right now. ]
You'll know what mode it's on based on the colors of the little lights, so, white is powered on but deactivated, blue is powered on and activated, and purple is, uh. Lockdown mode.
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He might watch Cisco with some uncertainty, his hands clenched in his lap, as he fidgets with the mentioning of his phobia. ]
I-I am trying to get better with it. When it comes to Genji he can touch me as much as he w-wants. With other people though...it's still uncomfortable. But I...still don't like taking my gloves off. [ It's super uncomfortable for him to even think about doing. ]
Th-thank you. I...really appreciate everything, even after what's happened. [ And how Cisco is probably nervous around him now...
Still he'll tentatively look at the bracelet before slipping it on over his gloves. It'll click into place, snug around his wrist, as he looks at the colors when Cisco explains them. ] Um. What happens if I try to use my powers in the activated mode?
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[ In this case, Cisco thinks offering up his own example of gradual progress is probably not the best idea. The only two applicable areas that come to mind for him are control of his powers (which would feel like rubbing it in Shigeru's face, after the whole incident) and his ability to get close to people without being afraid they'll turn on him and hurt him (an area where he'd had a recent setback, but like hell is Cisco going to let Shigeru know how very much of a trigger that is for him). So he just grabs his coffee again, drinks and lets the awkward silence hang. ]
Of course. What are friends for?
[ He means the words, even smiles to show it, but it's a small smile, and doesn't change the tense watchfulness that flickers into Cisco's expression when Shigeru leans forward to take the bracelet. Thank goodness, Shigeru starts asking technical questions. Technical questions are easy as pie. ]
Well, hopefully, nothing. That's the point. It's not like- it doesn't do anything to you, just nullifies your powers temporarily. Shouldn't have any long term effect, it's just... emitting a field that the energy can't get through. In theory. Twist that bit, right near the LED?
[ He tells Shigeru to do it, rather than reaching over to do it himself, knowing it's wise. He could probably do it without touching even Shigeru's glove if he were careful, but better to just avoid even getting close. Cisco waits for Shigeru to twist the activator; the light shifts from a faint white to a bright blue, and there is an almost imperceptible little whine and hum as the nullifier kicks in. ]
Do you feel anything?
[ When Cisco uses the cuffs, there is a definite deadening sensation. Like he's gone numb, but in a way he can't quite put his finger on. It's not painful, or even all that noticeable after the first few moments. But he knows that, long-term, it can grow irritating. ]
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So it...doesn't shock you or anything like that? [ He's really serious about that question. Because having seen the power nullifying collar Dodger had worn made him think all of them came that way. But he nods mutely as he turns the dial to get the bracelet started. It's a jolt of...not pain but this odd sense of lacking something. ]
It's like a dull...ache I guess? I-I've never been without my powers before. It's just...different. [ He's totally unsure how to really feel about all of this. ]
Shigeru lets out a soft, surprised, exhale of air as he looks down at the bracelet, his hands shaking a little.
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[ Cisco can tell that Shigeru means it, that he genuinely expected the cuffs might do something like that. And that gives Cisco serious pause. He sets down his coffee, giving Shigeru a serious and worried look. His nervousness fades, replaced by a more urgent feeling or worry. Cisco waits until Shigeru meets his gaze and then says, quietly: ]
Shigeru, I would never make something for you like that. I mean, no matter what. I know... I know I'm acting all... but you're my friend, okay? This is not- I'm not trying to punish you. And I'm not gonna make anything that would hurt you.
[ If Shigeru is worried that the cuffs might do something like that, Cisco's not going to wait to tell him the rest. ]
If it goes into lockdown mode, which should only happen if it detects you losing control, there's some other stuff that'll happen, but it's nothing like that. You won't be able to switch them off like normal, until I input a particular code into my phone and it transmits an 'all clear' frequency. Once lockdown gets activated it'll automatically send out a ping to my phone, with the time it got set off and your location. But that's only so I can make sure- make sure you don't hurt anybody if you manage to break out of it, and even if not, make sure you're okay, and figure out what happened to make you go all limit break. Okay?
[ He'd tried to balance those emergency features, to guarantee his own safety, and avert any crises as quickly as possible, but not to harm or humiliate Shigeru, when he will probably already be hurting. ]
Does it hurt? I know, like, when I have it on, it's kinda low-key annoying, but it shouldn't be outright painful. Try, um. Try using your powers on something.
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[ Truth be told Shigeru feels like he deserves a collar or bracelet like that. Especially when he turns into that monster. Perhaps it would be even better if that were the case. He doesn't say it outright but his expression...certainly has that look to it that suggests what he's thinking. Even back home they had shock collars for phrobiests who were criminals. But he knows Cisco wouldn't do something like on purpose. ]
I understand. How does it know to differentiate between when I use my powers normally and when I...lose control though? [ It's something he'd been wondering since he asked and wanted the bracelet made. ]
It's not painful...not really. It's just...weird I guess. I feel sort of...empty? But maybe that's because Malnemnious's influence isn't there. [ Still he nods silently as he tries to tap into his powers. There's a dull ache as he does so as if something isn't connecting properly when he tries to do it. His eyes briefly flicker to their state when he activates his powers but it lasts a second before they turn back to normal. Shigeru lets out a surprised huff of air. ]
It's really amazing...what you can do with technology.
pretend this is science
It's a combination of factors. Pulse rate, muscle tension, hormone levels in your sweat, spikes in how much you're drawing on your powers... it might take some tweaks before we get it right, and for the first few versions you might get some false positives. But if that happens I can just come to you and unlock it. Better too often than not often enough, right?
[ Cisco knows there are risks. If Shigeru gets really angry or really scared, but isn't losing control of his powers, it might go off regardless. But in that case, the worst that will happen is that Cisco will know something is wrong. It might not be a DANGEROUS something, but... even so. ]
If you've got any ideas how to refine that further I'm all ears. I'm working with a relatively limited knowledge base when it comes to abilities like yours.
[ He watches as Shigeru tries to use his powers, and he can tell just from Shigeru's expression that the cuff is working, that his powers are being blocked. Cisco recognizes that look of surprise, knows how it feels to reach for your powers and not feel them there. It's a lurch, like missing a step going up a staircase. He sees the shift in Shigeru's eyes, and for a moment he's worried the bracelet won't be strong enough. But then they're shifting back to normal, and Cisco exhales. ]
It's not a perfect fix. You don't wanna leave it on all the time. That sort of gross empty feeling isn't gonna go away, probably, and the couple times I tried wearing a dampener for more than a few days in a row it wore me out. Like, I just felt exhausted and irritable and it sucked. So - it's a sometimes solution. If you need to not have your powers for a few hours, or you know you're going into a situation where stuff might get out of hand.
"science"
My...our powers as phrobiests are also connected to our emotions. I-I don't know if there would be a way to have it turn on when I get angry or-or something like that, since that's how it happens in the first place.
[ He fiddles with the bracelet and nods as Cisco explains. ]
No. I...I don't think leaving it on would be a good idea. Especially if someone needs my abilities in a life or death situation.
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[ He hesitates, rubbing a hand across his mouth, gaze distracted and fixed in the middle distance. ]
Naw. It wouldn't work. The only way I can think of is you get really mad while I'm monitoring your vitals and a bunch of other physical reactions, then I could tailor the cuff to focus just on that, and distinguish it from just- feeling stressed or afraid.
[ Even as he's saying it wouldn't be possible, Cisco is wondering if there would be a way to set that up. It feels like playing with fire, and besides, he'd so recently narrowly avoided getting burned. Besides, emotions don't work like that. Shigeru couldn't just get mad on cue.
He would have to give it some more thought. ]
And it wouldn't be good for you.
[ Cisco can tell that Shigeru has a tendency not to take care of himself, so there's a hint of insistence in the way he says that. After all, it's one thing to be totally self-sacrificing and not take care of yourself when the only one who could suffer is you. But if Shigeru is unhappy, that will have a ripple effect. It'll impact Genji, and other people in Shigeru's life. And it might increase the risk that he is so miserable that he loses control again. ]
You gotta take care of yourself, too. And ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.