serving multiple gunshot wound realness [closed]

[killthepast]

who: Kylo Ren and Various
what: Catch-all for February/March things while Kylo recovers from getting shot up in a street by some COMMON CRIMINALS (it was Poe and John). Mostly for threads that have already been planned, but feel free to poke me somewhere if you'd like me to put up a starter for you.
when: February & March
where: Mostly a skeevy motel
warnings: References to violence and torture

Comments

[talentedscavenger]

At the cost of my friends! [Rey fires back.] I wanted both. I didn't want to lose one or the other! [Rey didn't have much The material things didn't interest her; money or power. She wanted--craved to have her friends in her life. She found friends in Poe, Finn, and Leia. She couldn't let them die. She wasn't about to--but she wanted Ben in her life.

She thought in going to the Supremacy, that Ben would walk away from Snoke. Rey's vision of Ben turning away from the evil creature was something she was clinging to. She knew there was light in him, knew there was good. Maybe he wouldn't join the Resistance, but as long as he tore away from the dark, then they could figure something else out. But that's the trouble with expectations. The pressure to bend to them, and the pain that came from them.]

I fought with my friends for you. I wanted both. I didn't want to choose.

[Now she's broken Poe's trust with her, possibly Finn's too. The first two friends she made in her life--friends who didn't just use her for a ship, or to steal portions from. People she cared about. People she would protect again and again. Their friendship to her was precious, and now it was crackling, threatening to break all because she defended Ben. Wanted to show he was more than what both men thought him to be.

Yes, it was cruel for Ben to simply discard her fight with her friends. She thought he would understood how valuable any connection was. How she clung tightly to those connections as she had with her connection to him. She thought...well, that was the trouble wasn't it? Clearly, she doesn't know Ben as well as she thought she had. Between the expectations and lacking of truly knowing him, she had set herself up for failure.

Even though she tried, she wanted to get to know him. She wanted to know more about him.]

I fought with them and have barely spoken to them since then. For you. [Cutting herself off, thinking it was for the best while she dealt with the emotion backlash of it. They both made sacrifices in this, and both were trying to get the other to understand.

The sorrowful look on his face makes her heart ache and causes more tears to flow. Yes, she remembers how he looked when he held the dice in his hands. It would be so easy to try and reach out to him, to try and place a hand on his cheek and try to comfort him as she had done in his bed. He meant something to her, and she...she meant something to him too.

They both feel something for each other--or felt, it's hard to tell now, and she can't bring herself to answer his question.]

I had to get them to safety. [The words ring hollow, but they were her truth. She couldn't chance his men taking the rest of the Resistance in chains. To have any of them be executed.]

It's....your decision. [The silence that flows in is hard to swallow. Rey doesn't know if Ben staying here is a good or bad thing. Perhaps good, if he was no longer part of the First Order, or if this is something he'll change his mind on...but she is torn to what to do. To try and figure something out, to comfort him and seek refuge in the one place where she felt peace...and maybe love, or put more distance between them.

Could she fully walk away from him? No...no she couldn't.]

I closed the door, but I haven't locked it.

[There was still a chance that...their fragile friendship could still live. Or there could be something more between them. ]

[killthepast]

[ She wants both, but he has to choose to join her side of the fight, despite his hatred of the Republic, the Resistance, the Rebellion, whatever name it wants to use today. Were all the changes and sacrifices supposed to come from him alone?

And for all that he feels for Rey, he doesn't find it in him to believe that her argument with her friends is in any way equivalent to him cutting down his Master for her. He'd betrayed the First Order, in a move that could very well end in his death, should his deception ever be discovered.

The more they talk, the more it becomes clear. Like Leia, she will always cling to them, her family in the Resistance. He will always come second. As if he hadn't had enough of that in his life. No, he's only now faced with a chance to learn who he even is without the legacy of his parents, or the Jedi, or the First Order looming over him. That needs to be his priority now, not vying for attention in an unwinnable competition.

He stares at Rey for a long moment, mulling over her words. At least she doesn't question his decision again, try to guilt him into stepping back into the fray. ]

Tell me why I should open it again.