[ open ] call it your 2.0, your rebirth, whatever

[franciscoramon]

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all + tdm prompts + fajro prompts
when: february
where: various places!
warnings: will add as needed

I. DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

[ Cisco thought that the crystal caves sounded exactly like something from a fantasy series he had loved as a child, so of course, he dragged Eddie to go and see them with him. There had been nothing ominous about the place, at the time. It isn't until a few days later that Cisco's dreams start to show the sign of outside influence. They become vivid, surreal, and most importantly, he starts having guests. A few times he'll have a passing thought about a friend before falling asleep, only to run into them in his dream. He's no stranger to unusual dreams, and - after what had happened in October - not even a stranger to encountering other people in them.

But it's still pretty damn weird. ]

You see that, right? It's not just me?

[ Cisco asks the question to whoever is standing next to him, pointing down an empty city street at the looming figure of what is, unmistakably, a Godzilla-sized robotic panda. ]

II. CLEANING HOUSE

[ Cisco had rolled his eyes at first at the idea of a whole holiday based around cleaning. What could be less fun? He's always been somewhat inclined to keep stuff. After all, you never know what use it could be later. He spends plenty of his time scavenging the things other people left behind in the abandoned parts of the city, for materials and parts for his work.

But once he and Eddie decide to share the same room, he realizes he is going to have to get rid of at least some of his stuff, to make room. So he reluctantly starts, only to find himself getting more and more into the task. He can be seen either having a cute little yard sale to get rid of various items (clothing, books, etc.), or else taking what remains after the sale down to the bonfires by the river. ]

III. CLEARING THE AIR

[ Along with everyone else in the Quarantine, as the month progresses, he finds himself dwelling on resentments from his past. Unfortunately for Cisco, most of those resentments pertain to people who aren't even here. Once the 15th rolls around, he finds that his sense of taste has vanished completely. A few conversations with others tell him that this is probably something to do with the holiday, that he needs to clear the air.

But what is he supposed to do, when the people he's feeling resentful towards aren't even here?

So Cisco can be found all that week making his way around town, sitting in a park or perhaps at a bar, slump-shouldered and wan and uncomfortable, needing (but not knowing it) someone to talk to. A good heart-to-heart will put things right, but he's not aware of that yet.

He is also, despite his distraction, more than happy to listen to others' woes, or any resentments held against him. ]

Comments

[bythehand]

[ He expects an "oh." The tone comes as a little bit of a surprise, if a pleasant one. More pieces of a puzzle coming together than something sharp, wary. Even when he told Rey on Takodana, there was sort of a... moment. Everything coming together, on top of him leaving. He's never asked if it was because of what he said or because he'd been lying. ]

I never planned on joining the rebels. Not at first. [ At this juncture, honesty feels like the best policy to adopt. ] I just left because I didn't wanna kill for them. My first battle, I couldn't do it. So I ran. Busted Poe out of holding and asked him to help me steal a ship. Met Rey and BB-8 on Jakku. Poe and Rey treated me more like a person in five minutes than anyone ever had.

[ If there's a shade of bitterness there, it's certainly not aimed at Rey and Poe. A lot of the important things in his life have just. Happened to him, he's realizing. Luck, maybe. ]

Now I have a name. A place where I fit. I know I can't stand back and let a war keep going like it's not my problem. Took me a while, but I got there.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco can see the wariness in Finn, the expectation of... something. He doesn't know what. But he can tell that the stakes for Finn couldn't be higher, and he listens quietly, without interruption, even though there's a million questions spinning around in his mind. Some of them, he knows, are none of his business. Others, Finn might answer on his own, given opportunity.

His dark eyes stay fixed on Finn as he admits that he didn't plan on joining the rebels, that he "just" left and wanted to be free at first. Cisco can tell from the way he frames it that Finn sees that as less virtuous, somehow, but he doesn't really get why. ]

Doesn't matter how long it took you to get there. When it really counted... you made the right call. Despite everything. You didn't want to kill, so you ran away, even though it must've been real fucking dangerous.

[ It hurts, hearing Finn talking about being dehumanized, about not even having a name. But Cisco swallows and tries to keep as much of his horror as possible from showing externally (he only succeeds somewhat). ]

Sounds like my instinct was right about you. You're a total hero, Finn.

[ Cisco's eyes are a little brighter, now, and it's clear he means every word fervently. ]

[bythehand]

[ One stormtrooper can't make a war stop. One stormtrooper is as negligible and replaceable as the armor they wear. Cannon fodder. Fighting didn't cross his mind.

But he could make it so they didn't have him to use. He could have that much control. Which made a nice overall plan, since once he left, his options narrowed down to "get away" or "die trying." And those both fit nicely into that slot. Better than staying, he thinks.

If anyone has given him a look like that before, so close to the fear and repulsion he was preparing for but not quite on the mark-- feeling it for him, not because of him-- he hasn't managed to catch sight of it. Finn files it away, a small, complicated point of hard light behind his ribcage. ]

I'm not a hero. [ In light of everything he got from that canister, and remembering his talk with Poe a while back about people generally thinking what they're gonna think, he's trying not to sound too insistent. ] But I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

[ Then Finn hesitates. Leans in closer, intent, and reflexively reaches for one of Cisco's hands (not too tight, he reminds himself. if you can't feel it you can't grip hard and hope for the best, because it isn't just your hand. and for all that the First Order didn't deal in gentleness, it at least taught him how to deal in calculated restraint).

Welcome to the Finn zone. Nobody has personal bubbles and almost everything merits high-octane intensity. ]

I don't want you to think you're the reason I didn't. You're a good person. I like you. I trust you. My hangups are all on me. Okay?

[ His problems, all the parts of himself that sometimes hurt and don't quite fit, aren't sparks he wants lighting to spread by proxy. If there's something wrong with him, he doesn't have to create the possibility of making someone think it's actually a problem in them. Someone he's friends with, least of all. ]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco doesn't push, with the hero thing. At least, not out loud. But there's something behind his eyes - a brightness, a conviction - that remains unchanged even after Finn's protest. He might not think of himself that way, that his one act of self-liberation was worth celebrating and honoring, but Cisco disagrees. Finn had survived. He'd freed himself. He had chosen goodness, when all the forces were stacked up against him, making it so easy for him to be evil. If that's not heroism, Cisco doesn't know what is.

But he bites that back, for the time being. There would be other days to say it, to show how deeply he felt it. For now, he wants to make sure Finn knows that Cisco's going to let him define himself, that he isn't going to take that away from him. ]

Hey, it's okay-

[ His voice trails off as Finn takes his hand. His touch is careful, and Cisco is startled by the gesture. It's so simple, and deliberate, and entirely unexpected. He can't think of the last time someone, apart from Eddie, just took his hand. He wonders what it means, if there is some bad news or awful added confession coming. But then Finn merely explains that he'd kept it secret for his own reasons, and not because he didn't trust Cisco. He says he does trust him. And Cisco, who'd been ready to laugh off the explanation, suddenly feels that his throat is very tight. He clears it, feeling perplexed and honored and happy and nervous all at once. ]

Okay. I didn't think that, Finn. Just- for what it's worth. Not because I'm, like, so obviously a great guy. Even though, I mean, duh.

[ He can't help trying to lighten the mood with a little humor, pauses to toss his hair back, a joking show of vanity and self-assurance. ]

I just. Um. I get it. The whole secrets and hangups routine. There's... stuff I haven't told you, yet. About me. And it's not because I don't like or trust you, either, so don't worry about me getting the wrong idea.

[ And maybe the day would come, sooner rather than later, when Cisco would tell Finn about his powers, about the complicated history there and all the things he can do. If he were a better person, he would do it now. Secret for secret, confession for confession. But he can't bring himself to. Not just yet. ]

I don't imagine it's the kind of thing you could tell somebody from your world very lightly, huh? I bet- there's a lot of people who wouldn't understand. Who would blame you, or be scared of you.

[ He squeezes Finn's hand lightly, forgetting for a moment that he won't be able to feel the shift in pressure, before reassuring, in a firm voice: ]

I'm not scared of you.

[bythehand]

[ The First Order builds up a certain view of the world outside of it. Haphazard and chaotic, unbalanced without cause. Rife with deprivations and depravity.

And it's true, in some ways. Injustice. Cruelty. People turning a profit on galaxy-wide suffering, people with nothing to their name. Those kids on Canto Bight, they hadn't had any more choice in being there than he'd had about being an inductee. The real world is unpredictable, uncertain. It operates in unspoken rules and languages he was never allowed to learn, and he's made the mistakes to show for it.

But it's still so much better than what the First Order wants to do to it. It's still so much better than the First Order tells any of them to believe.

The good things that walk hand-in-hand with freedom, that coincide with messy uncertainties and the unbidden anxiety of seeing how genuinely big and unpredictable the universe is-- they shine so much more brightly and go so much farther than any of the bad. ]

Yeah?

[ He grew up in something cold and sterile, not allowed to be attached to so much as a real name. He grew up meant to be a mindlessly devoted warm body, only good for shooting until he got shot down or for rising through the ranks to train up even more soldiers like himself.

He woke up.

He broke out a prisoner and Poe Dameron somehow, miraculously, trusted him enough to help them both get out. He wandered aimlessly through the desert and somehow, miraculously, he met Rey, the only kind and beautiful thing to ever grow on Jakku. He met Leia Organa, and Rose Tico, a dozen other people who've lost everything and made themselves that much stronger fighting for what they've found since.

He found things worth fighting for, for the first time. A place he not only fit into, but belonged in. Somehow. Miraculously.

Finn found the real world.

Sometimes he meets someone so inexplicably, unbelievably, unerringly kind that it's hard to figure out what a person is supposed to do with the feeling it leaves behind.

Somehow, miraculously, he wound up sitting on a park bench with Cisco Ramon. Who, while certainly far from the first person to not be afraid of him, is the first person who's ever outright said it. People he likes, even considers friends, finding out... there's a broad span of reactions Finn is ready to expect or accept if or when they do. Fear is maybe the one thing that would hurt the most to see.

He swallows. Nods once. His eyes are bright, but dry. ]

Thanks. I'm glad you're not.