open ✪ i'm on the pursuit of happiness and i know

[causational]

who: eddie thawne & OPEN
what: rainbow fireflies, catch-all; open prompts under the cut
when: april 20th forward
where: around the quarantine
warnings: tba in subject lines



✪ i. riverwoof pet café

[Eddie has owned more cats than dogs, but that's mostly down to cats being a bit easier to maintain - it isn't that he likes them more. And sure, he'd asked about cats on the network post he'd replied to about this place, and he's interested in adopting one...but he definitely loves dogs. They're so cheerful and friendly, they love so unconditionally in a way that makes Eddie feel at ease.

So here he is, carrying a strong americano with a bit of cream and sugar-free-vanilla that tastes way better than the sugar-free-vanilla at home, wandering among the seats and trying to find an empty one while he tries to decide which dog he wants to pet first.]

Oh...excuse me, do you mind if I share this space?

[It's said pleasantly enough to the person occupying the other half of the only table with an empty spot in the place. Well. At least it's doing good business.]

✪ ii. rainbow bite

Eddie is going to be out and about around the city, both on the job as a police officer and off-duty. He frequents bars, coffee shops, outdoor markets, clubs to dance at, and anywhere you can get a good craft beer or weird street food.

While out and about, he might get bitten by fireflies:

✪ YELLOW: Eddie is not one to give in to fear, but he definitely feels it. This firefly will make him a bit jumpy and paranoid, looking over his shoulder a lot.

✪ GREEN: Eddie is not a naturally jealous or envious person, so if he gets bitten by one of these, it'll wear off fast. But not fast enough to stop him from asking for a bite of whatever you're eating, because it looks delicious...

✪ BLUE: Eddie is carrying a lot of grief and loneliness that he's hiding very comfortably under happiness. While he's still good at hiding it if he's bitten, if you run into him at a bar or when he's had a beer, he'll look off-kilter and upset and be more open to talking about sad stuff. CW: The blue firefly will probably come with talk of his death by suicide.

✪ PURPLE: Eddie's already an affectionate person by nature, and he has zero interest in hiding it, so if you so much as chat with him he'll probably end up giving you shoulder squeezes, hugs, and more depending on how real the conversation gets.

I know these prompts are either vague or very limited, and I don't wanna make you do all the work, so feel free to just set your character up in an open space (optionally drop your preferred firefly colour in the subject line) and I'll approach with Eddie.

I am also open to honest orange firefly bites, or lustful red firefly bites, but would like to plan those out a bit first, so hit me up in PM or at caffemisto to figure it out.

Comments

[causational]

[Eddie has seen a lot of panic attacks in his time as a police officer, in victims, in fellow cops, and he's become accustomed to the signs - it wasn't hard to tell that was what happened to Cisco, as unusual as the blanking out might have been. It makes sense. If the firefly bite is heightening his fear responses, then it's logical to assume that he's flashing back to something negative he's experienced, that might have triggered a panic attack. And while Eddie hasn't seen the blank-out thing before, it's not out of the realm of possibility for a person to respond that way to a panic attack.

It doesn't even occur to him that Cisco's response is over the top or to overreact, to give it not enough or too much power. It's simply a psychological and physical response to trauma, and whether or not Eddie said it directly, there are a dozen things he can think of off the top of his head that have happened to Cisco that could cause that level of trauma, and the thing with the heart shredding is only the most major.]

Yeah. I see a lot of panic attacks. It feels awful, but it's not weird. [A pause, while he tries to wrangle his overly-honest mind into being more tactful.] I have to admit, I haven't seen anyone go blank like you did, though. I don't think it's just a more rare response, maybe? And...

[Licking his lips, he furrows his brows a bit with the effort of trying to word things better, more tactfully, more empathetically while his mind is refusing to let him obscure the truth. Because the truth is that he thinks it's a little distasteful that Barry and the others could forget about Cisco's problems. Eddie's seen them interact before, all of them, and noticed it before, in a vague sort of subconscious way - that Cisco and Caitlin are on a different level than Barry. Hell, he's felt it himself, before, like Barry's destiny and Barry's struggles come before anyone else's.]

I guess, I just thought that Barry was a nicer person than that, you know? He's always putting other people first, I didn't think he'd take you or Caitlin for granted.

[It comes out before he manages to even try to police himself, and he groans, shaking his head as Cisco starts pushing hair behind his ears, taking deep breaths.]

I don't mean that to make Barry sound bad. I'm not sure what I'm saying.

[He doesn't miss the slight hollowness in Cisco's tone when he says that Eddie doesn't have to apologize, the emptiness that comes in the wake of Eddie's words, and again, he's blurting out exactly what's on his mind instead of the right thing, and he thinks he might go crazy if this goes on much longer.]

I guess I'm saying that what you went through matters. I know, I remember, how it always felt like we were all focusing on Barry's destiny. For a while, I forgot that I had my own life to live, my own future, because I was so caught up in his. You do too, you know?

[franciscoramon]

[ Just when Cisco had finally, really been settling down, feeling like he could loosen his hold on the careful control of his fear, Eddie mentions him 'going blank' and Cisco knows at once what he's talking about. That had been when he was having his vision; Eddie had been there, and not just in the room. He'd been watching him, carefully, and he knows enough about panic attacks to spot that this was something else. Cisco draws the blanket a little tighter around himself and shuts his eyes; the inrush of overwhelming fear that his secret might be exposed is not unexpected, this time. Cisco is ready for it, so he rides it out, quietly. If Eddie was expecting some kind of explanation, he's going to be disappointed. And after a few moments, Cisco opens his eyes again; eventually, he goes back to breathing slowly without needing to focus to do it.

Defending Barry proves a nice distraction, one that Cisco throws himself into whole-heartedly. He knows that it isn't Eddie's fault; he's saying everything that comes into his mind, right now, and even Cisco has had passing thoughts of resentment and skepticism about his closest friends, once or twice. It's just something that happens to everyone, something no one else is supposed to know about. But Eddie isn't afforded that regular privacy right now. ]

He is a nice person. He's not taking me for granted, it's just, with his mom, you know, you can see why he wouldn't wanna spend a lot of time thinking about Dr. Wells killing me, 'cause it makes him think about her. And Caitlin- y'know, she had the hardest time believing it was true, that he was really evil. Of course she doesn't wanna dwell on it. Plus, it's not like they're, y'know, changing the subject every time I try to talk about it because I don't talk about it, like, ever anymore, so it's not...

[ Cisco means for these explanations to come out strong and confident, but even as he says them, they're not adding up to the solid defense he had intended. He lapses into silence as Eddie, obviously frustrated at something (whether it's his own compulsive truthfulness or Cisco himself is anyone's guess), talks about how he'd de-prioritized his own life in favor of Barry's. And that... there's a sting of truth in that. Because hadn't Cisco told Barry how much he didn't want things to change, before Barry ran into the past? And sure, he'd made the right call eventually, but Cisco had been willing to let his entire life get rewritten for Barry's sake. For just a moment, he has a glimpse of the fact that maybe that was not the healthiest thing. ]

...Yeah.

[ It might only be one word, one syllable, but it's heavy with agreement. The fight, the will to argue just completely goes out of Cisco. He thinks about Eddie's destiny. Eddie's life, that he hadn't gotten the chance to really live. Only a few years older than Cisco, and already dead. A fucking tragedy.

He sighs and, without saying anything else, lets his head drop to rest on Eddie's shoulder. Probably this strange need for contact is the fireflies at work again, but Cisco's not going to waste energy fighting that side of things. He has to save up his strength if the fear comes back. ]

Sorry tonight is such a disaster, man.

[ If he'd known things would go this disastrously wrong, he wouldn't have convinced Eddie to come firefly catching with him. Cisco hopes, glumly, that this hasn't totally ruined their chances at real friendship. In a quiet voice, he asks: ]

Can I stay here a little while longer?

[causational]

[Detective or not, Eddie simply doesn't have the information to put together the fact that Cisco might've been having some kind of vision - he doesn't know the details of how Cisco had remembered that alternate timeline, the signs of it, isn't completely used to dealing with metas and sci-fi concepts like time travel and superpowers just yet. He simply doesn't have the mental vocabulary to put those things together and get to the right conclusion.

So he allows Cisco his privacy, thinking it was just a unique response to a panic attack, and doesn't ask more, doesn't wait for an explanation. To him, there's no point in pushing, there's nothing to find out, nothing to dig for. So he's quiet and he lets Cisco change the subject to a defense of Barry, which isn't unexpected when they're so close, but is, in a way, a bit concerning.]

I get it. You're a nice person, so you don't mind that they're putting themselves first.

[Not worded in the best way, but certainly the truth of what Eddie's thinking in the moment, as harsh as it might sound. It's that last part, though, that really bothers him - when Cisco says that he doesn't talk about it, not ever, and Eddie gets a surge of fond concern, suddenly. Wonders why he never paid attention to Cisco or Caitlin or what they might be quietly going through that gets subsumed under Barry's problems. Having gotten closer to Caitlin in his time here, and now with this conversation with Cisco, he's starting to see the sides of them he hadn't before. To see them as complete people and not just the brains behind the magic that happened at STAR Labs.]

Well, if you need to talk about it, you can talk to me.

[It's impulsive, the kind of offer he normally would've thought through more carefully, worded more carefully, sent a day later after he'd parsed all the implications. But it's raw, honest, the offer is genuine, even if he has a feeling Cisco probably won't take him up on it.]

It's okay. How many times have we tried to do something with Barry and it ends up being a disaster. It happens.

[The head on his shoulder is unexpected, and for a moment, Eddie feels a weird surge of some emotion he can't put his finger on. Loneliness? Longing? It's impossible to say, but it's like some need he hadn't been aware of is being satisfied, just a little, by Cisco's head on his shoulder. Human contact. It occurs to him that it's been months since he touched anyone other than Taako, who isn't the most physically affectionate person. So he lifts his arm and drapes it loosely across Cisco's shoulders and rubs his far arm.]

Yeah, of course you can stay. You can at least get a bit of privacy here. And seriously, after all this, I owe you dinner. What do you like to eat?

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco's mouth drops open a little at that succinct and rather ruthless assessment. It's harsh; not only to Barry and Caitlin but also, implicitly, a little bit to Cisco as well. Nice person or not, Eddie is saying he likes things the way they are, that he is contributing just as much by tolerating the situation. And it's true, but it's certainly not tactful.

But he doesn't argue any more, to defend his friends or to defend himself, because he can see from the look on Eddie's face that that was another one of those thoughts he would rather have filtered out, or at least delivered a bit more delicately. Cisco closes his mouth, accepts the words and the situation and that there's nothing he can say now that won't make things worse, and lets it go.

And those less fortunate results of Eddie's honesty only underline how much he must really mean it when he says that if Cisco needs to talk, he can talk to Eddie. For plenty of people, it is all too easy to say 'you can talk to me' without them having any intention on following up. But Eddie hadn't said "the right thing for me to say now is that you can talk to me" or even "you should talk to someone but not me because I find you tedious and off-putting". ]

I'll keep it in mind.

[ Cisco lets out a long sigh when Eddie rest an arm over his shoulders. Here he is, freaking out about old things that don't matter, when probably, he knows, he should be freaking out about how good this feels. He knows it's at least someone the influence of the firefly that makes him go a bit boneless, enjoying the warm solid presence of Eddie next to him. But it's the one thing he doesn't seem to be afraid of, right now, for better or worse. Why fight it? ]

Anything.

[ He doesn't have much of an appetite, but he isn't about to turn down an offer that means he gets to spend more time with Eddie. Not when he is feeling this weirdly needy and affectionate. ]

What's your favorite? If we're gonna be tight we've gotta start somewhere. I don't even know what kind of food you like. You could be a vegan and I wouldn't even know it.

[ Cisco turns his head slightly so he can press his cheek against Eddie's shoulder, voice coming out a little muffled as he asks: ]

You're not a vegan, are you?

[causational]

[That thought hadn't even occurred to Eddie, that he was saying anything bad about Cisco, though if he paused to consider it, he might realize what he was implying, what he does think, to some extent. That if Cisco were as demanding about his feelings as Barry and Iris are, that he'd get more attention for them. Still, he doesn't see that as a fault, not really, for a person to put others before themselves, which speaks a lot to his own personality, his priorities, his own tendency to ignore his own needs and not speak up for himself when he should.

It's a relief when Cisco says he'll keep the offer in mind, and really seems to mean it. Eddie still doesn't expect that he'll take him up on the offer, but he seems, at least, to appreciate it. He also seems to appreciate the arm over his shoulder, judging by the long sigh and the way he rests his head against his shoulder, his voice quiet as he says he'll have anything, that Eddie should tell him what his favourite is if they're going to be tight. Smiling a little, Eddie tightens his arm around Cisco's shoulders and rubs at the opposite one gently, his eyes bright as he looks down at him.]

Definitely not vegan. And it's pasta. Basically any kind of pasta. Tomato. Cream. Cheesy or not. Plain or with meat. If it comes on pasta noodles, I'm sold. Of course, I can't really eat a lot of pasta, but, you know, when I'm having a cheat day or something? That's what I go for.

[Shifting, he nudges against Cisco a little, surprised at the weird lightness he feels, the comfort, when Cisco presses his cheek into his shoulder and his voice can't help but come out muffled. He's a little startled, a little distressed, by how pretty Cisco looks with his hair hanging around his face.]

By the way, I'm totally not letting you skip out on answering that question. What's your favourite? If you could pick any meal in the world.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco smiles quietly at Eddie's answer - as straightforward and unpretentious as Eddie is, himself. And it's not lost on Cisco, either, the way he talks about pasta as an indulgence, says it's something he only has on 'cheat day's. That tells Cisco a lot: that Eddie is someone who eats healthy, in a way that is more scrupulous and even perhaps grudging than self-righteous.

Which is interesting, but perhaps not too surprising. One of the things Cisco had noticed right away about Eddie was that he took good care of himself. He dressed well, knew what to do with his hair, that he was never not put-together. That distinguished him from a lot of the other cops Cisco had met. Hell, from a lot of men. Stereotype or not, maybe he should've guessed a little sooner Eddie wasn't entirely straight.

He doesn't notice Eddie looking at him; the after-effects of the panic attack are sinking in, a kind of weakness and exhaustion that Cisco feels down to his bones. He's glad Eddie doesn't mind having Cisco draped on him like this He exhales slowly, considering the question.]

Wasn't skipping out on it. Just... considering my options. Do gummy worms count as a meal? Skittles?

[ Cisco huffs a tiny laugh, brushing his hair from his face and adding in a more serious voice: ]

Just kidding. Probably breakfast. Pancakes, and hash browns, bacon and eggs with hot sauce, and coffee. Lotsa coffee.

[causational]

[Part of him is intensely relieved when Cisco doesn't ask about the 'cheat day' thing, because it isn't really something that he'd intended to say. The fact that he has to be careful about what he eats isn't something he's exactly proud of, and even if he's comfortable talking about his history as a fat kid, it's not really something he usually brags about. And when he does, well, it's always in the past tense, focusing on the fact that he's better now, not that it's something ongoing, something he still has to work on in order to avoid becoming that person again. To avoid becoming the fat slob who doesn't fit in, he has cheat days, he makes his hair match up to whatever's in the magazines, he picks the right clothing, he makes sure he's well presented. Anything to fit in.

But that's not what Cisco asked about and so it's easy to keep it to himself. Easy not to say it out loud, honesty or not. Admitting it to himself is enough, and it's easy to move to the next topic, to focus on Cisco's body resting against his and the casual comfort of rubbing his shoulder, providing comfort. There's something about it that makes Eddie feel strong, stable.]

Gummy worms and Skittles do not at all count as meals. How do you not have scurvy?

[It's gentle, teasing, and he shakes his head a bit, brightening at the mention of breakfast.]

I love breakfast too! I make big ones for myself and Yuri every morning, you know? I haven't got any hot sauce, but why don't I make you one? If you want, you can borrow one of my hoodies, and you can come stay in the kitchen with me and I'll cook for you.

[And when Cisco agrees, Eddie finds one of his biggest comfiest clean post-gym hoodies, and then leads him out into the kitchen, where he makes them both a big breakfast-for-dinner. And it's good. It's better than he could've anticipated considering the circumstances. In fact, by the end of the night, he's glad all of this happened.]