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who: finn and OPEN
what: tdm prompts (dreamshare, big robits)! canon updates! and a general february catchall.
when: backdated late january through all of february. various.
where: idk, dreams. big robits. generally around.
warnings: violence towards Big Beetles, nightmare content (which includes death, more violence, and maybe vague body horror idk). spoilers for the last jedi. will add as things crop up.

[ splitting starters off into the comments below to save on wall-of-text properties! can be reached by PM or at

comatoseroses for plotting! ]

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She had time to think. She made her own choice. We all did. I haven't known her long, but I'm pretty sure there's no forcing Leia into anything.

[ That's what it comes back to, every time. Choices. He doesn't care about Kylo Ren's family, where he came from. He doesn't understand the Force, he doesn't care about the struggle Ren told Han was tearing him apart.

He cares about Rey. He cares about Poe. He cares about Rose, and the Resistance, cares about Leia.

He cares that Kylo Ren hurt the two people he cares about most. Dug into Poe's head like he had a right. Took Rey, tried to do the same thing to her. Would have killed the both of them, given the choice. Killed Han Solo, given the choice. Nearly killed him. He cares that Kylo Ren ordered the execution of a village of civilians, including their children, for no justifiable reason. He cares that Kylo Ren came here, where the First Order has no hold, and tried to kill Poe all over again.

He cares that Kylo Ren has had chances, had them delivered all but on a silver platter, had a family waiting, willing to do anything to help him get out-- every day is a day Kylo Ren could have made another choice.

And maybe, deep deep down, some tiny part of Finn occasionally resents that, how easy it could have been for Kylo Ren to walk away. He can't change the past, and the hand he was dealt is what's given him what he has-- and what he has is so, so much more than he'd ever thought he would get. Friends and purpose. A reason to fight. The sense of knowing where he's meant to be and what he's meant to be doing. A name, an identity, he's- he's a person. Nothing can ever take that from him again, because he knows. He wouldn't change it if he had the chance.

But sometimes he thinks about Kylo Ren and tries to fathom what it would have felt like, to have someone hold out their hand and offer an open door away from the First Order. A family, a place to belong. To not have to somehow get out alive through a combination of quick thinking and sheer luck: luck that Poe looked him in the eye and was willing to trust him, that he didn't die on Jakku, that Rey ran with him, flew with him.

What it would have felt like, in the middle of his fear and the sharp understanding that he'd been taken and raised as part of something fundamentally wrong all his life, for someone to offer him a home and a safe path there: only for him to turn away from it in one of the most visceral, violent possible ways.

Finn can't understand that. He can't make himself understand that. On every level, to him, even somehow discounting the damage he's seen Kylo Ren do with his own two eyes not only back home but right here in the Quarantine, it registers as so fundamentally wrong that he's almost unsure what to do with the feeling. He can't understand Kylo Ren. He can't understand wanting guidance from him, no matter how hard he tries to put himself in that place. He doesn't have the Force, it's true. He can't understand that, either.

All he knows is all he knows. That he was raised the same as any other stormtrooper, but if one tries to kill him or someone he cares about, he'll still shoot back. That Rey wields hope like a banner, scrubs away at things until she finds softness and life and humanity there, just by existing. Finds potential, maybe seeks to bring that potential into reality.

And that if Leia was willing to argue so strongly in favor of the idea of Rey training with Ren, of somehow being able to pull him back over to the Light with that connection-- well, quite frankly, he fails to see how Rey having an idea that she supported could be more disappointing to Leia than a son who's willingly tortured and killed for years. ]

And I think if disappointing someone was as easy as thinking they should be disappointed, you and Poe would've dropped me before we were on this moon for a week. [ He swallows. ] Sometimes people just think what they think.

[No, there was no forcing Leia into anything. The woman was made of stronger stuff, having been part of the original rebellion, becoming a Senator and trying to raise a family. She had a son who had so much potential, and people who would've used him for their own games. She sent Ben to Luke in the hopes of doing good, but things tumbled down a dark spiral and here they were.

Ben, the man who had the potential to do so much good, who had been at war with the darkness in him, was pushed into Snoke's grasp because of a misunderstanding. Because his Uncle was afraid and thought killing Ben would be for the greater good. That moment had haunted Luke, he admitted to his failure and Rey...she didn't want to face hers. She failed Leia and maybe deep down, she felt like she failed herself in thinking Ben would turn away from the Dark. Not to join the Resistance, but to simply let go of the darkness he clung to and seek something else.]

I'm not disappointed in you. [The words quickly leave Rey's lips,her expression turning to one of concern and confusion. Was Finn referring to him leaving with Poe? Or did he mean the Resistance?] Why would I be disappointed in you, Finn? You made mistakes, you wanted to walk away from the Resistance but you came back. You wanted to stay and fight.

[Granted, he tried to walk away from the Resistance not once, but twice, would make anyone skeptical of him, but not Rey. He acted out of fear, but he over came it. He saw something worth fighting for, something that he could protect and build something with--maybe with that girl he was taking care of on the Falcon.

Whatever his reasons were, he found them. He wasn't going to wait for things to go away or to die down. No, he was willing to do what was right. He was willing to help. He has the potential to do more, and that's what Rey saw in Ben. The potential to become something other than the expectations set on his shoulders by the world.]

I know, and I know you can't make them change their minds. [No matter how badly she wanted them to. It's what got her into this mess to begin with their strained friendship.]

Either way, we're all safe...and we're here. [They're together, so at least there's one tiny speck of a silver lining in this whole mess.]

[ Finn lifts his eyebrows, sort of pulls a face. ]

Exactly. That's what I mean. It doesn't always make sense. [ He spent the first month here in Quarantine with Rey and Poe waiting for a second shoe to drop. Thinking that inevitably he would do something or say something and they'd realize he couldn't be anything they expected, that he wouldn't be worth the effort, fully prepared not to blame them for that because the problem was something inside of him.

It took him a while to... sort of relax into the realization that it doesn't work like that. Or at least not with the two of them.

Almost nothing out there is simple like that. ]

Yeah. [ He reaches for her hand, reflexively. ] I'm glad you're safe. There wasn't any way to reach you when I woke up, and then we had to run this op-- ended up all over the place.

[Even with their friendship strained, Rey didn't hesitate to take Finn's hand. The last time she saw that action was when he and Poe walked out the door. Poe reached back for Finn, and he took it. Rey didn't hold it against Finn. Someone needed to be with Poe. Someone needed to hold down the fort and she was upset with herself for letting things get thing complicated--so tangled and such a mess.]

I kept asking Chewie for any updates on you. When I didn't hear anything, I figured you were still healing.

[Which he needed to do. As for the op he ran, did he ran it with that girl? The one he looked over while they were leaving Crait on the Falcon? Had Rey been replaced? Part of her said no, that couldn't be it. Yet, at the same time, it was possible. Considering the rift she created between them, maybe Finn felt like he needed someone else to rely on.]

What was the op? Were you sent by Leia to complete it?

[ Part of him knew she cared. Even separated that much, even off on a mission to find Luke Skywalker, even when they'd only known each other for for such a short time. He knew she'd think about him, spare a thought when she could. Because she's Rey. She's different, but she's still the same.

It's not him-- getting hung up or imprinting or something, it's Rey being Rey.

He left the First Order on his own.

Rey being Rey was the first thing he ever found worth turning around to fight for.

Hearing her say that so easily-- I kept asking-- smooths some proverbial feathers he didn't know were ruffled. ]

The First Order was tracking the fleet through hyperspace. We had to get onto the Supremacy to shut it down. Just for six minutes, long enough for one more jump. I mean, we had to go get a codebreaker first. And Leia was out of commission for a while, she didn't exactly know about it. Poe held things down with the Resistance, I went on the op with Rose. But Poe wasn't really in charge, it was a little off the books. Oh-- and Rose is a friend. A mechanic. I think you'll like her.

[ Finn stops. Frowns. That all came out more jumbled than he thought it would. ]

Like I said, a lot happened. It might be better if I start at the beginning?

[ He gives Rey a questioning look, a tip of the head, as if to ask if she's got time for the story. ]

[Rey listens, trying to piece together what happened to her and line it up to what happened when she was trying to convince Luke to go to the Resistance. He seemed very much at home on that island. He wanted to die there. He wanted the old Jedi ways to die with him, but they hadn't. Instead, she learned from his mistakes and...a few other things.

However, it's hard to think clearly when the words tracking through hyperspace were mentioned. The First Order had that kind of technology? It seemed impossible--far fetched, but who would've thought the Death Star could ever come into existence?

Then there was the girl--Rose. Had Rey been replaced? Someone to go on an adventure with Finn, someone to keep him safe...

And Leia was out of commission?! That's the more shocking thing.]

You...we both should start from the beginning, but you should probably go first...

[She pauses for a moment, briefly looking down then back up at him.]

Do you want to talk about it here...or did you want to go back to my place? [So they're both more comfortable? Assuming he wants to, if not, they could talk out here.]

[ Yeah, that seems about right. The look that comes over her face. So much to explain, so many details, and no way to cover them briefly without getting extremely confusing.

Something about watching the shifts in her expression lands and sticks.

He was this close to never seeing her again. A few times, he guesses. Starkiller, the fleet being attacked, the Supremacy. Crait. He was this close to getting his memories and meeting her here and having to explain why he flew himself down the throat of a cannon instead of living to fight another day, instead of living long enough to run up to her and embrace her.

Being faced with Poe in the aftermath-- being faced with Rey now, when she wasn't even there, and knowing how close he got--

It's easy to think it would've been okay to go out like that if he's just considering his own life. Easy to understand what Rose and then Poe said on an objective level, without applying it to his own decisions. It's harder to justify trying what he did when he thinks about his people.

He wonders if he got close to losing Rey for good without even realizing. ]

We can go to your place. Starting to look like it'll rain out here.

The rain isn't so bad..it's nice actually.

[Rain meant water, and that was life on a planet made of sand, dust, and rock. However, it wasn't for everyone. On Ahch-To, it was refreshing. The pitter and patter sound of it as it hit the pavement was melodic, bringing a smile to her face and wanting to simply run out into the rain to enjoy it. But, she had to focus on Luke...and deal with Ben whenever the Force--Snoke bridged their minds.]

But, we can go to my place, it's not that far.

[Not at the Community Housing, in the small room they all shared at one point. No, after their fight she packed her things and left. Granted, there wasn't much she actually had, but she took what belonged to her and left the slow cooker for Poe and Finn to use...they needed it more than her.

Leading Finn back to her studio apartment doesn't take long. She's right by the river, by the water. Something to connect her to nature and to feel life. Though, that was forever entangled with death. In the ground, the death and decay helped to nourish the soil to bring forth new life. A cycle that wasn't broken, and had so much balance to it, whereas now...her life felt so unbalanced from what happened.

Stepping inside her apartment Finn would notice how small it was. Just enough room for a a bed in the corner, and half of a wall to make it look like there was a living room/kitchen area. It wasn't fully furnished, but she had the essentials: a bed, a mirror, a clothing rack, and some electronics to help her cook.]

Make yourself comfortable... [And they could figure out where they wanted to begin with...everything.]

[ She would say that. She was in awe just seeing Takodana from a distance. Jakku probably didn't offer much by way of rain, Finn figures.

Something about seeing the room-- the simplicity of it, her penchant for bare essentials over things chosen for the look or comfort-- it makes him realize how similar this is to his first day in the Quarantine.

Finding Rey. Going to her room. Just trying to get on the same page, get everything in order. He sits at the foot of the bed, can't help the ghost of a smile. ]

So we're not dead. I thought that was pretty good. All things considered.

No, we... [A faint smile comes across Rey's face as well. She watched him take a seat at the foot of her bed, looking at her best friend and wondering what exactly happened to him when they were forced to part ways. Yes, he gave her the over view, but she wanted to know the details, to try and piece together the bigger picture.]

We're not dead. Came close a few times.

[Rey found herself taking off the small pouch she always had on her, the same one that contained the lightsaber--Luke's lightsaber, and placing it down by her bed before taking a seat next to Finn. Now it was her turn to tell him what happened. She already told him the big part of it, that Snoke was dead, but not who took him out.]

We found Luke and he... [Her smile becomes more pronounced, fond even with a twinge of sadness.] He wasn't like the legends. He was a different man from those tales, and he lived a hermit's life. He didn't want anything to do with the Resistance, with the Jedi or anything. He was done with it, and I was...I was tempted to drag him back to the General.

[With or without training, which was a bit childish thinking about it now. Yes, she needed to be trained, but her main goal was getting him to the Resistance. He was needed--he was important, and Rey was trying to figure out where she fit into all of it.

It hurts to talk about Luke in the past tense, even though he was part of the Force, even though it was peaceful for him. He was someone she cared about even with the fight they had. He was her mentor, regardless of how short their time was together...and he probably tell her to suck it up and continue on.

So Rey did. She explained how her training with Luke went, carefully leaving out the parts where she and Ben were connected. That...it felt too raw for her. Too soon to talk about a wound she was still trying to mend. What she did tell Finn, was who killed Snoke. The monster who tortured her for what felt like hours as he went through her mind to find Luke's location and tried to weaken her, but she kept fighting.]

He...had the opportunity to kill me, Finn. He had it, but chose to kill Snoke...and with Hux here, that general thinks I killed Snoke. Which is fine, we can use it to our advantage... [Use the information against Ben...or protect him. It was hard to process right now. She was upset over Ben, hurt and exhausted, but she had to soldier on.]

[ It's kind of weird, hearing all the things that happened to her. And then it's weird that it's weird, because they went their whole lives doing things without each other. At the very least, she survived on her own her whole life, and he'd never been genuinely alone in his. Isolated, but not alone.

Maybe it shouldn't have felt like so much, being separated after a day or two. It did, though. Maybe that was just him. Not used to feeling adrift. Hard to wake up to a war you were trying to pretend you could choose to leave behind, without the first person you'd ever known beyond a doubt was worth fighting for.

Because she's Rey. ]

Any advantage is one more than we had. Definitely can't say I got anything like that to bring to the table. [ Information like that would only matter to Hux if it got out here, but it's definitely a powerful bit of information to have on their side.

Finn can't come up with much to say about Ren. Not killing Rey was a choice, and that says something. Snoke had it coming. He's glad that's how it played out, he's glad that Rey is alive. Kylo Ren had a hand in that, regardless of the hand he'd had in trying the opposite a couple of days earlier. No arguing that.

Not hard to notice that he rolled in with the First Order afterwards, though. One more in a line of choices. Heavy-duty warfare against twenty-something people trapped in a cave. Stalking out to face Skywalker on his own.

And life's not black and white, it's not easy sums and subtractions on a moral scale.

But there are only two sides in this war.

Finn thinks he's getting awfully good at not knowing what to think about things. ]

It sounds like you had about as hard a time as we did. Maybe worse, some of it.

[It's freeing, in a way. To tell Finn what she already told Cisco, to finally let her best in on what she's been holding. There's still much she's holding back. So much she can't say just yet. The wound is too raw. Her heart still trying to mend--and how frustrating that she can't make the pain simply stop. She was used to pain, another friend she had on Jakku. Pain from working all day in the hot sun, and going hungry at night because she had to ration her portions.

So much happened within a number of days, life changing and upped the stakes in the war they were fighting. The Resistance had fewer numbers, possibly fewer than the Rebellion. But, they had to have hope. They had to keep fighting.

Rey shook her head at Finn. There was nothing to compare in her mind. They went through their own trials, their own struggles. It wasn't a matter of who did more, or who suffered more. Rather, it was a miracle that they all got out alive.

But there would be nights where Rey would have nightmares of that moment; having Snoke ripping through her mind, looking for Skywalker's location, and then begging Ben to not kill her.

They came out alive, but they weren't unscathed.]

That doesn't matter. What matters if figuring out what to do from here. We need to keep each other safe--especially the General. [And what to do about Hux and Ben. It should be easy to imply not to engage with either men, but considering Poe's history with Ben, that's probably unlikely. But in thinking about Poe..]

How is Poe handling everything?

[ In a lot of ways, at least, the Quarantine is safer for Leia than the situation back home. Not that she can't handle herself, quite legitimately up to and including saving herself from dying in the vacuum of space.

It's still a small blessing, sort of. Only two people here associated with the First Order. No grounds for a foothold. Room to breathe, time to think. As much as it hurts not being able to go back, for real. Finn shrugs one shoulder. ]

About as well as he can, I guess. He's been with the Resistance a lot longer than us, he-- it's a lot of people to lose that fast. [ Finn can't know how that must feel in full, can't know the feeling exactly. He attaches hard and fast, yes, knowing they were picking off escape pods like it didn't even matter, that was infuriating.

Poe attaches hard and fast, too. He had longer to cement it than one or two days. And with things with Leia still being... complicated, Finn's not sure how many people Poe has to turn to who can understand what that's like. Maybe Holdo. That's where Poe is right now. ]

I think we're all just gonna be doing the best we can for a while.

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