[ open ] where I end, we'll begin

[franciscoramon]

who: cisco + anyone!
what: a catch-all post
when: january
where: various places
warnings: will add as needed

[ PROMPTS TBA or come plot with me @ platoapproved. ]

Comments

[causational]

[Licking his lips anxiously again, Eddie opens his eyes and looks at Cisco's face, and then he closes his teeth on his lower lip, lifting his hand to brush his thumb against Cisco's lower lip.]

I don't know. I know you're really close with Taako and share a lot with him. I'm not a woman, and I couldn't be, and you're bi. I don't know what else, I can't think of...any other specific examples, I just know that one person can't give another person everything they always need, you know?

[There's a pause, for a moment, while Eddie holds his breath and tries to figure out if he should say what's on his mind, but then blurts it out, his voice a little fragile.]

I knew that Iris needed things from Barry I couldn't give her. And in the end, she needed those things more than me. You know? She did. And...I don't know.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco bites the inside of his cheek to keep from interrupting; he wants to let Eddie finish speaking, before he says anything. His chest aches, hearing the hurt in his boyfriend's words, but he waits, and listens, and when Eddie is finished, he reaches up, running his hands through Eddie's hair, combing it back from his face as he organizes his thoughts. ]

Hate to be the one to point this out, babe, but you're bi, too, and I'm not a woman, either. So unless you're gonna tell me to my face that I'm not enough for you, there's no way you can say I'm not enough for you. And yeah, Taako's my friend, but like- no, and also, ew, and... [ Cisco swallows, eyes breaking away from Eddie's for the first time as he admits, a touch of hoarseness coming into his voice ] ...I share way more with you. I mean. Stuff I'd never tell him.

[ Cisco's not surprised, that it comes back to Iris, but hearing Eddie talk about it from that particular perspective is jarring, and Cisco shakes his head. ]

But she didn't. It's not like Barry had something you didn't. You're - that's not what happened. Trust me, okay. I had no horse in that race, back then. Barry wasn't a better model she wanted to upgrade to. I mean... no offense to Barry, but, like, puh-lease. She didn't need him, she was just already in love with him before you even came into the picture. But you weren't insufficient for her, and you are definitely, definitely not insufficient for me. Okay?

[ Carefully, Cisco reaches out, taking both of Eddie's hands into his and lacing their fingers together. ]

And sure, okay, you can't give me everything I need, always, one hundred percent of the time. If I get sick and need brain surgery or something, I'm gonna get a brain surgeon to do that for me. And if I want somebody to come double-check some code I wrote at 2 AM, I'm gonna ask Tony Stark, not you. But that doesn't mean you're not enough for me. And- and... it doesn't change the fact that. I love you more than I've ever loved, like. Anybody.

[causational]

[Eddie laughs, a soft and slightly hysterical thing, shaking his head and wrinkling his nose.]

You were a woman for me. So nope, I win that one. Sorry.

[He knows what Cisco's point was, of course, but the evasion is easy, avoids an argument, gets him out of the impossible place Cisco had trapped him, verbally. Swallowing hard, he keeps touching Cisco's face as Cisco explains where he's coming from, explains his relationship with Taako and how Eddie is enough for him despite being a man. Eddie lets his fingers trace Cisco's precious face, his jaw and cheeks.

And then Cisco is speaking about Iris and Barry, and it hurts, more than he'd expected, to hear Cisco say that Barry hadn't been better than him, that he wasn't a better model she upgraded to, that she didn't need him, that she'd just been in love with him before she ever met Eddie. Something in his gut twists up, his heart aches for a moment, and unexpectedly tears well up in his eyes even as he smiles slightly at Cisco.]

It's just...hard to believe that, I guess. [Licking his lips, he lifts his head a bit to look Cisco in the eyes.] Sometimes I wonder if they had something behind my back, and I'm never sure if I want to know or not.

[Exhaling, he drops his gaze again.]

Then Taako didn't like me enough to be willing to commit to anything serious, never opened up to me, and I don't know. I feel like you're going to realize, just like both of them did, that there's better out there, that I'm not enough.

[franciscoramon]

[ The corner of Cisco's mouth twitches up, the tiniest ghost of a smile, just for a moment, when Eddie reminds him of that night with the sex swap potion. But he says, affectionate and firm: ]

I could text Magnus and ask him nicely to whip us up another one of those potions, if you wanted a turn, so, nope. I win.

[ Cisco sees the tears welling into Eddie's eyes, and he worries he's gone too far, overstepped. He believes, firmly, that he is right, that he could see more objectively from his perspective what it was that had gone wrong, between Eddie and Iris and Barry. But he hadn't lived it the same way that Eddie has, and he usually treads more carefully, talking about it with him. When Eddie shakily voices that uncertainty of his, Cisco hesitates for a moment (Eddie had said he wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but in this case...) before he says, quietly: ]

They didn't. Believe me. If anything at all had happened, Barry would've told me. He was not, like, discreet. She might've... felt stuff, I don't know, but she didn't cheat on you.

[ Cisco presses his forehead to Eddie's once more and sighs, his own throat going tight. It's impossible, not to get emotional himself, when he sees Eddie in so much pain, even after all this time. ]

And I've never cheated on anybody, and I'm not about to start. And- and look. Even if you feel that way, I know it's not gonna happen. 'Cause guess what, Eddie? I've got powers. And my vibes never lie. I saw you and me, together. Like this. Right on this couch, in the future.

[ Cisco pauses, to kiss Eddie, long and insistent, trying to pour every bit of his love into it, not pausing for breath until he feels dizzy and has to pull away to gasp, head spinning a little. ]

We looked so happy Eddie. There's no better out there for me.

[ A tear spills down Cisco's cheek, and he wipes it away quickly, a watery smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as he adds, with a hint of a laugh in his voice. ]

You're my freakin' soulmate, remember?

[causational]

Fine, fine. And...you know, I would be into that, if you are.

[A pause, because that's a distraction, and he knows it. It's not the crux of the issue, either, and there's a moment of guilt because Cisco had said a lot of things that Eddie didn't respond to, didn't really acknowledge to himself because he's still feeling fragile. But they linger there - Cisco tells him more than he tells Taako or anyone else, Cisco loves him more than he's ever loved anyone.

When Cisco looks at him and speaks, quietly, tells him that they didn't have anything going on behind his back, that Barry would've told him, that she hadn't cheated, something in Eddie's stomach does unwind a bit. He exhales something like a slightly relieved laugh, shakes his head, and then Cisco is continuing, saying that he's never cheated on anyone, that he's not about to start, and Eddie's shaking his head.]

Hey, hey, I know. I never thought you would cheat on me, Cisco, that's not what I meant...

[But he trails off as Cisco continues on, determined, explaining that his meta powers, his vibes, don't lie. That he saw them in the future, together, in this home on this couch, happy and content. Together.

Eddie's hands are shaking a little as he cups Cisco's cheeks, brushes his thumbs over his cheekbones. Cisco is crying, just a little, he can see it, and then he's leaning in to kiss Eddie, his mouth warm and soft and intent and perfect and it's like Eddie can feel everything Cisco is feeling in it, and he tries to match it. Tries to express through the kiss what he's feeling, the longing, how much he wants and needs Cisco in his life. And when the kiss breaks, he brushes another tear from his cheek and gives him a soft smile.]

I trust you. I just get scared sometimes. I'm so happy right now, and I don't think anyone's ever looked at me the way you do, like you really notice how I'm feeling and care about what's going on with me all the time, no one's thought about me the way you do, like I'm worth so much. I love you so much, and it's not like...I don't think you're going to cheat on me. I'm not worried about you being bad. I'm worried about not being good enough for you. But I trust you, when you say I am. Okay? And I'm gonna try to do my best to believe you.

[franciscoramon]

[ It still makes Cisco's heart skip a beat, every time Eddie says I love you, and this is no exception. He listens to Eddie, and then, without pausing to worry about it, just follows his instincts. He crawls over, settles himself into Eddie's lap, crowding him, wanting to remove as much of the space between the two of their bodies as he can. He kisses Eddie again, intently, a little relentlessly. It isn't passionate, so much as it is determined. And when Cisco pulls away finally, breathing a bit fast, his mouth and nose a touch reddened, he murmurs: ]

Okay. And I'm gonna do my best to make you feel so loved you haven't got any space left for any of that worry. 'Cause... 'cause I just love you to pieces, baby. I love you so much it hurts, sometimes. I mean. When I was stuck under that mistletoe, this afternoon, you know what I did? I talked that poor girl's ear off, about how cute you were, and how lucky I was to be with you, and how I couldn't even believe a person like you was real. I mean - I even made her look at pictures, on my phone! I'm not making this up!

[ Cisco laughs, a little shaky with emotion, and another stray tear falls down his cheek. But he is smiling, now. There are some things that can only be solved with talking - some nuanced and fragile things that require careful conversation. But there are some things which words can't cover. It was good, that the two of them talked this out, so he could reassure Eddie about the mistletoe, about his devotion. But now, he thinks, it's time to put his money where his mouth is. Or, in this case, put his mouth where his mouth is?

He drapes his arms on Eddie's shoulders, pulls him closer for another kiss. This one has a little more heat than the ones that came before it; Cisco nips at Eddie's lower lip, pulling it gently. He breaks away long enough to say: ]

You're the only one I wanna kiss, Eddie. I'm gonna show you how much.