[ He'd like to argue that it wouldn't make him a murderer, but the fact is, he knows better. It would be murder. And in the end it would be personal, not defense or battle-brought necessity. It would be about control. Everything he ever did learn.
He could still do it. For Rey, for Poe, who would both probably go out of their way to make sure he didn't have to. He's grown new pieces of himself since he defected, but that isn't worth more somehow. He isn't worth more. He could burn his new pieces off and make that choice. Wanting to stay a person isn't more important than protecting what he's taken root in.
He could.
(The part of him that didn't fire, in the mining colony or down on Jakku, tells him that if it comes to it, even if he can, he doesn't want to. But if there's anything in the galaxy worth trying to burn that off for, he's found it already.) ]
I can stay.
[ Zero hesitation. Finn pulls back and stands up, possibly a little contradictory to the words he just said. He tries to be careful not to jostle Poe too much in the process. Time to make and enact a new game plan. Put the rest aside for later. Function. ]
Have to clean up first. Then I can head out, get some clothes-- if you want anything from the room, I can bring it back with me. And Rey's here, I called her. She'll wanna see you. She could stay until I get back. If you want.
[ Of course she would, she's Rey. Plus he has no idea where BB-8 even went in this godforsaken place of healing, so Rey is an easier promise to make. ]
no subject
He could still do it. For Rey, for Poe, who would both probably go out of their way to make sure he didn't have to. He's grown new pieces of himself since he defected, but that isn't worth more somehow. He isn't worth more. He could burn his new pieces off and make that choice. Wanting to stay a person isn't more important than protecting what he's taken root in.
He could.
(The part of him that didn't fire, in the mining colony or down on Jakku, tells him that if it comes to it, even if he can, he doesn't want to. But if there's anything in the galaxy worth trying to burn that off for, he's found it already.) ]
I can stay.
[ Zero hesitation. Finn pulls back and stands up, possibly a little contradictory to the words he just said. He tries to be careful not to jostle Poe too much in the process. Time to make and enact a new game plan. Put the rest aside for later. Function. ]
Have to clean up first. Then I can head out, get some clothes-- if you want anything from the room, I can bring it back with me. And Rey's here, I called her. She'll wanna see you. She could stay until I get back. If you want.
[ Of course she would, she's Rey. Plus he has no idea where BB-8 even went in this godforsaken place of healing, so Rey is an easier promise to make. ]