riverviewlogs | [open] try to tell the difference

[She looks at the tricorder again. Does it? So much of that era was lost to the wars, to despots and anarchies that she has no idea if that's true or not.

Noting Cisco tucking his hands into his sleeves, she waves over one of the other medics, who has a medkit in hand.]

We brought gloves, if you think we'll need them?

[It is an abandoned medical facility after all. Better safe than sorry.]

Uh... yeah, um. Can't hurt, right?

[ Cisco feels a twinge of guilt at that, because he's pretty sure that from a medical standpoint (as far as he knows anyway) the gloves are probably not necessary. But there's no good way to say "not you guys, but I should wear some" without coming up with some bullshit lie that Beverly will probably see through in an instant. So he bites his bottom lip, hopes that that feeling of guilt and self-consciousness just comes across as nervousness, and he takes the gloves from the medic, pulling them on and heading inside.

They head inside, and Cisco pulls a flashlight from his vest, flicking it on and looking around the entryway. There's not much there: dust particles getting caught in stray beams of light, a few crates full of old papers and x-rays, and in the back of the room, a staircase leading up. Cisco moves over to it, looking over his shoulder to check that Beverly is following him as they go up to the main room. ]

This is it.

[ It looks just as Cisco had remembered it: one big room, with various old pieces of high-tech looking equipment, and rows of chairs that look like they would belong in a dentist's office. The thick layer of dust on the floor has been disturbed by two sets of footprints - Cisco's and Rey's. From the sight of it, there's really no indication that this was a place that had been involved in the outbreak of plague. Cisco clears his throat, shifting his weight from foot to foot. ]

It doesn't look like much...

[ He realizes right then that he should have come up with some sort of lie, some reason he could give Beverly that he'd known this place was a makeshift hospital. He'd been too specific, in his descriptions to her of how this place was used, and now there's here and there is no real evidence around to justify him knowing all that. ]

[Following his lead, she and the rest of the team slip on gloves as well. Honestly, Cisco is probably worrying too much about what Beverly might be reading into his actions: it's a reasonable enough precaution, given the situation.

Beverly circles some of the old crates with the tricorder and once it's confirmed there's nothing in there but documents, she waves at a fews of people to give them instructions. She leaves a couple of guards posted on the main floor, by the door and at the foot of the staircase, while a med tech starts prying open crates to see if there's any useful information to be had. The rest of the team follows Beverly and Cisco up the stairs.

The dust makes Beverly sneeze upon entering - which, weirdly enough, is an unusual experience for her. With the common cold cured long ago and with living on a ship with highly filtered air, Beverly rarely has to sneeze and she looks kind of surprised about it for a brief moment.]

Excuse me!

[Despite the dust, she walks over to the nearest piece of equipment and starts to examine it.]

Have you tried to boot any of these devices up?

Bless you.

[ Cisco, far more accustomed to sneezing than Beverly, tosses off the response automatically. He doesn't notice her surprise over the experience, however; his eyes are fixed on the rows of chairs. He swallows, remembering the vision. How they had looked when they were filled with people dying, in very not-pretty ways. ]

What? Oh. No, we didn't. Once I realized what this place was, we left right away. We didn't touch the equipment.

[ He stands a little out of the way; he'd been here to guide Beverly and her team, and to answer any questions he could, but this part of the mission isn't something he can help with. He understands tech, but he's not a doctor. He doesn't know what he should and shouldn't touch.

When he'd been putting on those gloves, Cisco had been making an assumption - that if he kept himself from touching anything, especially with his bare hands, that he wouldn't vibe. But, as it turns out, that conclusion was incorrect. As he takes a few steps back, Cisco feels a familiar dropping in his stomach, and once that happens, there's no stopping it. From the outside, it will appear that he has merely gone still, staring off into the middle distance, not hearing or seeing anything around him. ]

[For a moment, Beverly doesn't notice, distracted as she is by the machines and directing the rest of the team in getting things cleaned off and a record of their findings started. But (and she means this in the most loving way possible) when Cisco falls completely silent, that worries her and she turns back to face him.]

Cisco!

[Gently, she lays a hand on his arm.]

Cisco, can you hear me?

[When he doesn't move or respond, she turns to another doctor.]

Looks like it could be an epileptic seizure...

[She sounds uncertain though. Did Cisco have epilepsy? He never mentioned it but then why would he? There was no occasion for it before and she's not his regular doctor. The other doctor nods - it's the best guess. "I'll start timing it," they say. Everyone else clears a space around him, in case he collapses.]

[ The vibe only lasts around 30 or 40 seconds. In it, Cisco looks around and sees the doctors and nurses evacuating the facility. There are the sounds of commotion coming from outside, and everyone is rushing around in a hurry. ]

Where's the fire?

[ He watches as one of the doctors opens the door to something that looks like a mini-fridge, except that it doesn't seem to be plugged in anywhere, and there's a strange glow coming from the inside. Magic? Cisco can't tell. All he sees is the doctor shoving in a rack of vials - samples of something? - and slamming it shut, then pulling a canvas over the whole thing. Then he stacks some random items on top, trying to hide the thing and whatever was in it. ]

What are you up to?

[ Cisco looks around the room for clues, notices with a lurch of his stomach that some of the people coming and going aren't taking equipment - they're removing large, heavy bags that are stacked near to the stairs. Body bags. Before Cisco can even properly wrap his head around that, the vision is flickering around him, the tinted blue fading out as the lights and colors and sounds of the present come back. Only they come back a bit different than before. Beverly is closer, her face on him, worried and intent. The faces of all the medics are on him, watching, expectant.

Cisco is all too aware of his own thin, panicked breathing, of the fact that they must have noticed something wrong with him. There's no pretending he had just zoned out. This has clearly gone way beyond that. How long had he been out? What had he missed.

He looks to Beverly, eyes round. Makes a split-second decision not to try to hide it with smiles and jokes, but instead just gasps out: ]

I'm fine. It's all good.

[A small sigh of relief escapes her when Cisco starts to move, though her eyes are still full of concern.]

Has this happened before?

[ This is a double serving of bad with extra bad sauce on the side. Cisco has never been a good liar, and he is particularly bad at it when he's put on the spot. His mouth has gone dry all of a sudden and he can't seem to catch his breath. Unhelpfully, his eyes are drawn to the spot over by the stairs where that pile of bodies was, and he feels a swell of nausea that thankfully he manages to swallow back. ]

It's... under control.

[ The words come out clipped, defensive. He'd thought it was under control. He'd thought that if he didn't touch anything, he wouldn't vibe. But he'd been wrong, hadn't he, and now Beverly is staring at him. Cisco has to resist the urge to just run right out of the room, telling himself that he's in the middle of the Abandoned City, that there was no place to go and it was a long journey back home, especially on foot.

He crosses his arms over his chest, doing his best to look calm and composed and not as if his knees are trembling. It's been a while, since a vibe caught him off guard like that. He'd forgotten how scary it could be. ]

Edited 2017-12-20 03:10 (UTC)

[Frowning, Beverly gets the sense that maybe it would be best to talk about this more one on one, so she tells the others to keep working, then motions for Cisco to follow out into the corridor.]

Let's talk outside.

[Her tone is polite but firm - she's not going to let this go, especially not out here. If a member of the team is in trouble, she needs to know. More than that, she considers Cisco a friend: a friend who could use some support right now.]

[ There's no saying no to that; not when Beverly is using what Cisco can only assume is her Doctor Voice. It was something that Caitlin did, too. Cisco could hear the way her tone shifted, when she was talking to him not only as his best friend, but also as a medical professional who was not going to tolerate being argued with.

So Cisco follows her, grateful to no longer have the attention of those strangers focused on him, but worried about the impending conversation. His brain is spinning out dozens of possibilities at once. What would be riskier - telling Beverly the truth, or lying? She clearly hadn't been buying it, so far. Cisco really, really wishes he were better at deceiving people. It had been easy enough, back home, for a while. Barry and Caitlin and even Joe were so caught up in their own lives that they didn't much notice when Cisco acted very strangely. But there'd been no hiding it from Stein.

In the end, wise or not, Cisco's so nervous and keyed-up that he ends up babbling, very unconvincingly: ]

Listen I'm just a really spaced out dude you know and sometimes I get super wrapped up in my thoughts and start daydreaming. [ A nervous, nervous laugh, as he tucks his hair behind his ears and twists his hands together, not even quite realizing he's doing it. ] And I don't always notice when somebody's talking to me but that's totally normal so it's nothing to worry about so we didn't even really need to come out here 'cause I'm just fine and everything's fine.

Edited 2017-12-22 06:58 (UTC)

[He chose the riskier path by far - Beverly does not like being lied to, especially so baldly. She crosses her arms and fixes him with a penetrating stare. No, you're not getting out of this so easily. Her voice hardens considerably when she speaks again.]

Don't insult my intelligence, Cisco. That was no daydream and we both know it - and so does everyone else in that room. [You can't hide from a pack of doctors and medics.] Now I respect that you need your privacy, which is why I brought you out here, but we are in dangerous territory, miles from help, and if a member of my team is in trouble, I need to know.

So, let's try this again.

[ Even before he finishes speaking he can tell he's made the wrong call. Beverly looks deeply unconvinced - he must have been out a long time, or else they had noticed right away, or perhaps both. When he hears the steeliness in Beverly's voice, Cisco's shoulders slump. He knows, then. He's going to have to tell her. He doesn't have another story ready - not one that would make all this go away.

His voice is much quieter when he speaks again. ]

I'm not in trouble. That part wasn't a lie. There really isn't any reason to worry.

[ He sighs, running his hands over his face. No point in pretending to be fine, now. His legs are still shaking badly, so he drops down, sitting on the edge of a crate. ]

It wasn't a seizure or anything. I know that's what it looks like, but... I was having a vision.

[ The story is more far-fetched sounding, perhaps, than saying he was daydreaming, but there's no doubting the sincerity in his voice as he says it. The words come out heavy, with a ring of truth about them. ]

That's how I knew what this building was in the first place. I had a vision, of during the plague, when I came with Rey. And... another one, just now. Usually, I only see stuff when I'm touching something, but that place is just... potent, I guess. I couldn't stop it.

Edited 2017-12-22 17:00 (UTC)

[It's not so far-fetched, not for her. She's encountered much stranger, much more unbelievable things. At least now she can understand why he tried to lie and why he was so nervous. It calms her ire considerably.]

Oh, Cisco. (Her gaze softens.) I'm sorry. To see something like that...

[She doesn't have to imagine how he felt. She knows.]

It's horrible.

It was-

[ The details are so fresh in Cisco's mind that he almost babbles them out. The sheer suffering he'd seen, in the first vision. That awful pile of body bags, in the second. But he remembers their conversation in the jeep on the way out here, and he sees the look of understanding on Beverly's face, and he stops. He doesn't have to tell her what it was like. She knows.

So instead Cisco just swallows, shoves his hands into his pockets and says: ]

I'm sorry I lied. I wasn't- I didn't mean to insult your intelligence, and it wasn't because I don't trust you, I just...

[ He almost says I just hate this and don't want anyone to know about it. But he stops himself. He really is putting in an effort, to think and speak about his powers differently. It's much easier some days than it is on others. Today it is very hard. But he corrects to: ]

...I've been hiding this, what I am, for almost a year now. Recently I've been trying to be more open about it, but when I get scared it's just force of habit to deny it.

Edited 2017-12-24 20:14 (UTC)

[If only Deanna were here, for well... many reasons. It's not the first time she's wished that, nor will it be the last. Particularly right now though - Deanna would understand what he's going through more intimately than Beverly ever could. But she can still offer Cisco her support.]

I can't pretend I know what it's like, to be trying to hide something like this, but I promise you, it doesn't change what I think about you. I'm here for you, whatever you need.

[She comes to sit next to him on the crate.]

And I'm sorry I snapped at you. I was scared too - I didn't want something to happen to you.

[ That hits Cisco a lot harder than he had expected - the immediacy and conviction of her support, like there's no question of it. And it doesn't hurt that he already looks up to Beverly a great deal, had been looking forward to getting to be better friends with her. So when she says it doesn't change how she thinks about him, much to Cisco's embarrassment, his throat goes all tight and suddenly his eyes are hot and prickly with tears. He looks up, blinks them back quickly, but there's no disguising that initial reaction. After a moment or two, when he trusts his voice again, he says: ]

Thanks.

[ Cisco shakes his head when Beverly apologizes. It's an odd feeling, realizing he had scared her. That she'd been worried about him - not just as a liability, but as a person. But he can't think about that too much or he is definitely going to cry for real. ] Naw, c'mon. You were totally right. Should've known better than to try to lie to a doctor. [ He sits there for a couple minutes with her in silence, letting the panic subside. It takes longer than he'd like, but gradually, by degrees, he stops trembling, and his heart rate slows, until he feels more tired than skittish. ]

In the vision, I saw one of the doctors, he was- it looked like he was hiding something? Samples or... I'm not really sure what it was. But I saw where he put them. Maybe we should look and see if they're still there. In case it's something dangerous.

[There is no question in her mind. Cisco is still Cisco - brilliant and enthusiastic and funny and empathetic. None of that changes with this revelation. And even if she hadn't become so quickly attached to him, she has always been taught and believed that it's not what people are or their powers that define them, but what they do with what they've been given, how they treat others. To ostracize someone simply for having different mental abilities is not in her nature.]

No one else has to know. [Once again, she takes his hand to steady him.] Doctor-patient confidentiality you know.

[Then she falls silent, giving him the space to work through this. She hopes that in the future he'll feel comfortable talking to her about it, but it doesn't have to happen now.]

I think that's a good idea.

[ Cisco squeezes her hand back, tightly. Again, for a few moments, all he can manage is a tight-voiced: ]

Thanks.

[ And he believes her - that her role as a doctor is important to her, that she will keep his secret out of professional pride, but also, friendship. It is a huge relief, even though more and more people are finding out about him, and he is trying (in theory) to accept his powers and be more open about them.

When Cisco's ready, he gets to his feet, letting Beverly's hand go with one last squeeze and then heading back into the main room. The other medics turn to look at them, but Cisco ignores them, heading directly towards the pile of rubble where he'd seen the doctor in the vision concealing the samples. He pulls aside the debris, carefully unearthing that canvas layering. When he tugs it off and leaves it on the floor, that small not-mini-fridge is visible. Carefully, Cisco stands back, letting Beverly lead from here. She should probably scan it with her tricorder, then decide whether to open it, and what to do with what she found inside. ]

[Beverly follows Cisco back into the room, nodding at the other medics to let them know he was okay. None of them ask any questions about it - after all, they too, have their oaths to abide by. And truth be told, they're now more interested in the rubble Cisco is removing than Cisco himself. Clearly, there's something worth investigating under there.

Keenly aware of the room's eyes on her, Beverly squats to get a reading with the tricorder. What she gets is... confusing. Frowning, she hums thoughtfully before standing up and shutting the tricorder.]

Results are inconclusive. I hesitate to open it right now... I think we'll have to bring back another expedition with more specialized equipment. For now, let's leave it alone.

[ Cisco nods, exhaling slowly and taking another step away from the thing for good measure. He's relieved, actually, that Beverly made the call to examine it later. He knows she did so for medical, scientific reasons. But his gratitude is partially selfish. After that vibe, he is feeling a little hollowed-out, a little exhausted. He's not sure how well he would handle more surprises, much less any actual danger.

He's oddly glad, though, that things had unfolded the way they did. The truth is... it'll probably be good. He's not sure they would have found that container, if it weren't for the vibe. If whatever is in it is important, or dangerous, it's a good thing, that he'd been able to direct them to it. Besides that, though, it might be important, having a friend who is a doctor and who knows about his powers. And it will also be nice, not lying to Beverly. It might have happened in a messy way, but he's sure now, she is someone he can trust. Or at least, as sure as he ever is. ]

[open] try to tell the difference

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