riverviewlogs | ( open ) ; tell me about the days where your body feels nothing like a body

Entry tags:

( open ) ; tell me about the days where your body feels nothing like a body

who: Taako + you
what: A spa day, a fight with a god, and a bad time
when: Novemeber
where: Around!!
warnings: Violence in the threads with Thor & Dodger. Vague Thor 3 spoilers in the thread with Thor.

cisco; tired little laughs, gold-lie promises

[They've all had a shitty month and it feels like a perfect excuse to splash out a little at the fanciest fucking spa Taako can get them into; he catered an event here a few months ago and made sure to keep in touch with the event manager, so the discount isn't anything to scoff at, and he's gone all out in the treatments they're getting.

But after a massage (nice), manicure (even nicer), and a dip in the pool (hella nice), Taako has dragged Cisco to try out the sauna where they can chill for a little while. He tried to bring a glass of sparkling in but was gently deterred by one of the staff, which is rude but probably for the best, since he's already on his way to decidely tipsy.

On the plus side, that helps him finally bring up something that's been on his mind for a while; once Taako is comfortable and the room is full of steam, he casts a lazy look at Cisco.]

Can I ask you a question, my man?

thor; what's a god to a nonbeliever?

[If he's being honest with himself, this is probably a very bad idea, but Taako tries not to be honest with himself and anyway, he's been itching for another fight since the tangle with the cultists, as if that wasn't quite satisfying enough. Or maybe he's just finally remembered how fun it is to wreck some dipshits, since things are so damn quiet in the Quarantine. Either way, there isn't any real danger in what he's doing here; Thor might hurt him, but he won't kill Taako, and there's not much else that a potion can't fix.

It's been a long time since he's had to prepare for a one on one, but Taako doesn't get too involved with it (a lot of his attention has gone towards studying the books he borrowed from the cultists), he gets dressed in his regular adventuring gear and makes sure he's got all his useful items on him, just in case he can use any of them. The umbra staff is in his hand, as per usual, and he has a little mental list of spells that he thinks will work for this. He can't exactly predict how the fight will go, but he knows what his personal priorities are and has a handful of backups in mind. His hair is braided out of the way and he's left most of his jewellery at home, just in case.

Between Bryn, Loki and the members if the IPRE in the Quarantine, they've got a little crowd nearby to watch the show, and that only makes Taako more into it, because he gets to show off.]

You ready to go, or are you gonna need a little more time to warm up?

[He's just being a shit, but it's good natured.]

open; now I've got you here I'll never lead you back

[The month starts of… mostly fine; there's the awkwardness with Magnus and Taako finds himself a little more irritable than usual, but he's brushed it off as a side effect of everything dredged up by the ghosts and the memories he's been forced to share and relive. He'll get over it eventually, and at least he has a project to throw himself into. The handful of books he brought back from the cultists hideout are full of weird and interesting magic that he wants to decipher, if only to make sure no one does that shit again.

By the fourth, he's starts to feel as though someone's watching him whenever he leaves the house, and he starts picking up the pace whenever he has something to do outside, eschewing taxis out of some misplaced worry that they aren't safe. He ends up on Garyl a lot, since he's faster on Garyl than he is on foot, and no one can mess with the illusory horse that he summoned. It makes of a bit of a curious look, this stupid wizard elf making his way through the streets on a unicorn, but it offers him a sense of safety that he's struggling to maintain, right now.

As more time passes the feelings start to get worse, enough that a visit from Cisco and way too many security cameras don’t help to alleviate the paranoia. He has a feeling it must be someone from the cult, having escaped during the fighting and coming back for the items he took, which makes him more eager to figure out the magic in them so he can know how to protect himself.

Every day, he carefully reinforces the wards around their house, stretching them out a little further each time, bolstering them with small spells that don't just block, but also harm anyone who tries to get past them. The magic around the houses shifts from protective to violent, something that's echoed in the way Taako conducts himself.

He's short and sharp with people whenever he has to interact with them, whether it's at the markets or clothes shopping or out at a bar. For a long time, he tries to push past the paranoia to maintain his usual routine, but that just gives him more places to feel snappish and irritated, and it paints a bigger target on his back for whoever's watching him. Even going out for a drink becomes a struggle; he picks a fight with someone because he's sure they were watching him and ends up getting swiftly escorted out after throwing a bunch of lightning around.

Despite everything going on, he's always immaculately put together, more so than usual, as if he can cover up how rattled he's feeling by making sure his outfit and hair are always perfect. The same can't be said for the state of his room; while he's not the tidiest person in the world, it grows worse during the month, as he eschews things like cleaning up in favour of practicing spells and still trying to decipher those fucking books.

It's gonna be a long month.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It's been twenty four hours since Lup destroyed the items and while Taako spent a lot of that asleep, he also spent a considerable amount of time staring at his phone, finger hovering over the call button, or typing, deleting, and retyping text messages.

None of it felt right, so in the end he hauled himself out of bed, into a shower, and into a cab to Loki's apartment. He's dressed down today, jeans, a sweater, his hair piled up into a bun, though he still has his glamor on.

He was going to bring something, but it felt... silly, so he's empty handed as he knocks on Loki's door.]

[ His own wards inform him of who is behind his door. He tenses. Loki knows his sister is not far and she is sworn to protect him from all harm. But he knows Taako would not harm him, regardless of what has come to pass. No, this will be worse. Though Thor had expected Loki's presence for the hunting trip, Loki knew it had come to an end.

( loki lied and thought it was better, he doesn't understand why this wasn't better, shouldn't thor prefer a dead saner brother over a darker, living one? but loki knew it was going to end, because that's how things are, they end and he's left in the same place he was before, what was the point — )

He swallows. He didn't want to answer the door. He didn't want to look Taako in the eye and be told, it's over, you fucked it up, what were you thinking, you really thought you were helping, that you could help anyone when you can barely help yourself? He didn't want to believe that and Loki is nothing if not a master of delusion. Rising unsteadily, he goes to open the door, removing all expression from his face. ]

[Enough time passes that Taako seriously considers just bailing on this and trying again another time, except he knows he could put things like this off forever so he forces himself to wait, until finally the door opens.

He manages to actually look at Loki's face for all of three seconds before his gaze drops to Loki's shoulders, where he won't have to deal with expressions.]

Hey, uh-- [He didn't have a plan here, mostly due to the fact every time he tried to string a sentence together it sounded stupid in his head.] You were right. I mean - I think you know that, cause you're not fucking stupid, but now I know it. So... yup. You were right, and I'm sorry.

[ Not a muscle twitches out of place. ]

I don't care about that.

Have you recovered?

Getting there.

[It's been an emotional day, after the initial shock wore off he'd had a lot of guilt and pent up negative emotions to deal with, not to mention the exhaustion from spending so long trying to fight the effects of the curse.]

But it's not-- [He sighs, tries again.] I care, even if you don't. I was a total dick to you.

[ His eyes flash, the first real display of emotion. ]

What makes you think I don't?

[ He moves closer, dark and deadly. ]

Why would I do such a thing, why would I risk it if I did not care? Is that what you think of me?

Hey, stop.

[It's half a warning and half worried, as Taako holds up his hands in a gesture of surrender. He's not here to pick a fight, he couldn't handle one.]

You just said it, you just said you didn't care. That's what I meant.

[ Loki chuckles, utterly mirthless. ]

You think so little of me.

[ But isn't that the same as what happened with Thor? Loki weaseled himself out of telling the truth until it came barreling through the doors. I've got nothing, Thor's voice comes back to haunt him and he hates it, he hates that it's sunken so deep, Loki cannot simply rip out. ]

I don't want an apology. I know I was right. I know what I was doing. I deemed it necessary. I was, foolishly enough, trying to help. You survived. Your other relationships remain intact. The paranoia hasn't wrested the rest from you. That's all.

[ That's all. It's over, it's over. ]

[He has no idea what happened here and the confusion is obvious in his expression, because he's looking at Loki now, as if somehow that will help him put the puzzle pieces together.]

What are you-- I don't--? [He's too tired for this, too unsteady still.] What the fuck, Loki? I'm here to apologize cause I know you were trying to help and I was an asshole. I was trying to make sure we were cool....

[But apparently they're not and he doesn't understand how it got to that so quickly.]

[ Loki pauses. Was he wrong? His throat bobs as he struggles to parse this. Finally, in a quiet voice, he asks. ]

Then . . . you are not here to cut ties?

[Oh, he gets it. The confusion drains away, leaving Taako looking tired and a little sad.]

If I was gonna cut ties, bubbale, I wouldn't be here.

[He'd see no reason to. If he was angry at Loki over what happened, he just wouldn't have ever spoken to him again.]

What's going on?

[Is this really about him, or is it something else?]

[ For a minute it seems like Loki won't answer before his shoulders slump slightly, giving away. ]

I had a fight of sorts. With Thor. We received new canisters from this place and we will be opening them soon.

You wanna let me in and we can chat?

[It's a gentle prompting; there was more he wanted to discuss with Loki, but this seems kind of important so it can take priority for now, though he won't push the point if Loki doesn't want to discuss it.]

[ He hesitates briefly before nodding. He turns on his heel, opening the door wider and letting Taako into his apartment ]

[It's a hell of a lot more swish than Taako's place, but he's not really the type for jealousy in this area, especially when it's wild enough to Taako that he even has a home, albeit a temporary one.

Still, he takes off his shoes once he's inside, then follows Loki, not quite sure if he should sit or not.]

So, why are the canisters a bad thing?

[ Loki settles himself on the couch, not meeting his gaze. ]

Having one would be fine for Thor. But two meant something different. Before we came here, I was stabbed. Fatal to most. A normal Asgardian would have died.

[ His mother had, after all. It was the same blade that killed her. ]

But I survived. And I chose not to tell him that.

[Okay, okay, that's not the worst thing in the world, and Taako carefully takes a seat on the couch, not crowding Loki.]

Why didn't you tell him?

[ He knows why. It was selfish and it was stupid and in the end, Loki is still a little scared. Everything seemed so fragile again and he was once more, unable to do anything about it. Or perhaps Loki will never know what is the right thing to do, when there are easier ways. Dodge what you can. ]

He was so . . . sure that I became someone better at the end. That I went in honour. It seemed — I didn't want to rob him of that. I've taken everything else.

[It's a cruelty that Taako can't imagine, but Thor and Loki aren't Lup and Taako, and sometimes Taako remembers that Lup did leave. Still, he can't judge Loki's actions by his own relationship with his sibling.]

Have you told him that?

[If this was anyone else, Taako would have reached out by now to offer some kind of comfort, because the way Loki's talking about himself is kind of heart breaking, but he's not sure if it would be taken well.]

[ He exhales, a shaky breath. ]

It won't matter. I cannot say my intentions were good because they weren't. They never will be. When those canisters are finally opened . . . [ Loki trails off. Perhaps this is where they'll finally part ways. No doubt the canisters will show Thor unveiling Loki's final trick. ]

I know I'm not like, usually the guy to advocate the truth, but it doesn't matter if your intentions were good or bad, they're still yours. Be honest with him, pumpkin, maybe that will make the difference.

[It always makes him sad, that Loki doesn't have the easy relationship with Thor that Taako does with Lup, but he knows that both brothers share some of the fault here.]

I don't think — I can't. He won't believe and why should he? Why should anyone?

[ He rises from his seat in a burst of nervous energy. ]

What's the point? Whatever I have done here, it's meaningless. I'm still the same. I haven't changed.

[In contrast, Taako draws his legs up to sit cross legged, calm and still. He doesn't know how to help, really, but he's here and he can talk, and maybe some of it will get through.]

You won't know unless you try, and don't-- don't start on that shit, okay? You have changed, even I've noticed and that's fucking saying something.

[ He pauses, trying to recollect himself. It's true. Or at least some measure of the truth. Loki of the past would have never gotten involved with Steve. Would have never worked to protect Gramarye or maintain his connections. Would have never let Thor back in so close, too close. These were facts. ]

I've always found knowing to be worse.

Yeah, well, I've found the opposite, so let's follow my lead on this one.

[It's not dismissive of what Loki's been through, he's just trying to offer a little hope.]

loki

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