[ It is an automatic response, quick and just a touch defensive. A lie, and a bad one, and Cisco knows that the second he says it. Maybe there's a reason he and Eddie hadn't had this conversation until now, that isn't just because Cisco hadn't gotten around to it. It's much harder, talking about this with Eddie, precisely because he'd known Barry and Caitlin, had seen the three of them together.
Cisco turns with Eddie down the right street to head towards the river, and he swallows, saying in jerky, hesitant stops and starts. ]
It's not like we had a big fight. It wasn't... an event. Just- after the singularity they just- didn't want me around anymore. The first time we thought Ronnie died, with the particle accelerator explosion, and Dr. Wells was in the hospital and the media was a shitshow, Caitlin and me... we helped each other through it. But this time she- just never wanted to see me. I kept making plans and she kept canceling. I'd show up to her apartment and she wouldn't- she'd always have an excuse not to let me in. She got a job at Mercury Labs and after that just. Stopped calling back. Or answering my texts. I had to show up to her work to beg her to help when Atom Smasher was making trouble.
[ Cisco can feel Eddie looking over at him, as he talks, knows somehow that if he turns he will see - what? Horror? A sympathetic look? A gently baffled face, like he's making a big deal out of nothing? Maybe he is. But Eddie had asked, had insisted, so... Cisco is going to tell it as he'd experienced it. ]
It was the same thing with Barry. He- just didn't want to be the Flash anymore. I tried to ease him back into it but he wouldn't budge. I tried so many times. But... after a while I took the hint so I tried just- you know, I just wanted to see him as friends, but maybe I reminded him of Dr. Wells or something, I don't know. He avoided me, too. I'd text him a stupid meme and he wouldn't text back for two weeks, and it'd just be 'lol' or something like that. A couple times- cause I started consulting with the CCPD... a couple times I'd show up to Joe's because I had a question about work stuff, and Barry'd be there and he just. Would leave.
[ He knew that probably Barry had wanted to let them work in peace and privacy. Probably. But it didn't make it feel any less awful. Cisco looks down at their hands, Eddie's fingers laced with his. His voice is quieter as he finishes: ]
I know they were going through a lot, and they're both just... the kind of people who need space when stuff's bad maybe, but. I was going through some stuff, too. With the... you know. PTSD stuff, and the oh shit I'm a meta stuff. I didn't even want anything from them I just- wanted them around. But like. Even I can take a hint eventually.
no subject
[ It is an automatic response, quick and just a touch defensive. A lie, and a bad one, and Cisco knows that the second he says it. Maybe there's a reason he and Eddie hadn't had this conversation until now, that isn't just because Cisco hadn't gotten around to it. It's much harder, talking about this with Eddie, precisely because he'd known Barry and Caitlin, had seen the three of them together.
Cisco turns with Eddie down the right street to head towards the river, and he swallows, saying in jerky, hesitant stops and starts. ]
It's not like we had a big fight. It wasn't... an event. Just- after the singularity they just- didn't want me around anymore. The first time we thought Ronnie died, with the particle accelerator explosion, and Dr. Wells was in the hospital and the media was a shitshow, Caitlin and me... we helped each other through it. But this time she- just never wanted to see me. I kept making plans and she kept canceling. I'd show up to her apartment and she wouldn't- she'd always have an excuse not to let me in. She got a job at Mercury Labs and after that just. Stopped calling back. Or answering my texts. I had to show up to her work to beg her to help when Atom Smasher was making trouble.
[ Cisco can feel Eddie looking over at him, as he talks, knows somehow that if he turns he will see - what? Horror? A sympathetic look? A gently baffled face, like he's making a big deal out of nothing? Maybe he is. But Eddie had asked, had insisted, so... Cisco is going to tell it as he'd experienced it. ]
It was the same thing with Barry. He- just didn't want to be the Flash anymore. I tried to ease him back into it but he wouldn't budge. I tried so many times. But... after a while I took the hint so I tried just- you know, I just wanted to see him as friends, but maybe I reminded him of Dr. Wells or something, I don't know. He avoided me, too. I'd text him a stupid meme and he wouldn't text back for two weeks, and it'd just be 'lol' or something like that. A couple times- cause I started consulting with the CCPD... a couple times I'd show up to Joe's because I had a question about work stuff, and Barry'd be there and he just. Would leave.
[ He knew that probably Barry had wanted to let them work in peace and privacy. Probably. But it didn't make it feel any less awful. Cisco looks down at their hands, Eddie's fingers laced with his. His voice is quieter as he finishes: ]
I know they were going through a lot, and they're both just... the kind of people who need space when stuff's bad maybe, but. I was going through some stuff, too. With the... you know. PTSD stuff, and the oh shit I'm a meta stuff. I didn't even want anything from them I just- wanted them around. But like. Even I can take a hint eventually.