[ It was an interesting contrast, the high that he was feeling, with the guilt that was digging its claws into his lungs already. Tony knows that it is his own fault for all of this, that he was toeing a line to begin with when he made the choice to put himself in a situation where there would be so many reminders of the times before; bodies and booze and the reminder of being able to escape the thoughts. He should never have shown up.
But he did.
And now he is barely staying on the right side of the chasm, the bright colours and euphoric feeling bleeding out until all that is left is the familiar taste of self-loathing and guilt.
So yeah, maybe Tony is clinging a little to the feeling the powder gives him, trying to keep the blinders on in a sense. At the same time--]
Why Steve, that sounds positively-- wait--shit. [ There was a reason that Tony called Steve between one terrible choice and another, because Tony knows that the other will have his back. That Steve gets why this is such a terrible idea, a terrible place, better than most.
So when Steve scoops him up (a move that leaves Tony spinning, the world tilting and rearranging around him in flashes of light and sound), Tony focuses on playing to the crowd rather than trying to hide the way he kind of wants to. Tony waves almost cheekily at the few that are cheering at the blonds move, while trying to focus on the sparks of something that bloom wherever Steve grips at him. Fucking drugs.
It isn't until they are out of the rave, the quiet near deafening in Tony's ears, that Tony deflates a little, head dropping to Steve's chest in a way that he will forever deny is cuddling thank you very much.]
no subject
But he did.
And now he is barely staying on the right side of the chasm, the bright colours and euphoric feeling bleeding out until all that is left is the familiar taste of self-loathing and guilt.
So yeah, maybe Tony is clinging a little to the feeling the powder gives him, trying to keep the blinders on in a sense. At the same time--]
Why Steve, that sounds positively-- wait--shit. [ There was a reason that Tony called Steve between one terrible choice and another, because Tony knows that the other will have his back. That Steve gets why this is such a terrible idea, a terrible place, better than most.
So when Steve scoops him up (a move that leaves Tony spinning, the world tilting and rearranging around him in flashes of light and sound), Tony focuses on playing to the crowd rather than trying to hide the way he kind of wants to. Tony waves almost cheekily at the few that are cheering at the blonds move, while trying to focus on the sparks of something that bloom wherever Steve grips at him. Fucking drugs.
It isn't until they are out of the rave, the quiet near deafening in Tony's ears, that Tony deflates a little, head dropping to Steve's chest in a way that he will forever deny is cuddling thank you very much.]
I can walk, you know. [ Thank you.]