[Eddie is still for a few moments, waiting for Cisco's response, his reaction, to see if he'll insist on leaving or if he'll give in and stay the way Eddie wants him to. When Cisco stops trying to pull away and looks at him, Eddie feels a little surge of relief, at least until Cisco asks him why he would think he doesn't count as much. And how can Eddie explain that, without shifting the focus from Cisco to himself the way he's trying so hard not to?
But then Cisco is explaining, how he sees Eddie as this person who can care about everyone, cites so many examples - Barry and Yuri and the cats and people at work. Says it like how he cares about Cisco is the same as Barry or people at work, a default, and he's shaking his head even before Cisco sobs out that nobody could ever, that he's so...]
Look, Cisco, I don't know what you think you are, but people...
[For a moment, he feels an intense wall of frustration. At himself, for not being able to just tell Cisco about all the complicated feelings he's been having, for not being able to convince Cisco that he's worthwhile, that he can't just...make everything better, again. That he doesn't know how to express all the complicated things going on in his mind and find some perfect, eloquent way to make Cisco believe how special and amazing he is.
And then he pushes past that wall, and reaches out, and it's bad that he doesn't ask first, he knows, but he needs to be holding Cisco. So he gets to his knees, wraps his arms around him, and pulls him close against himself, as much as he can, his arms around him. Eddie speaks, tries not to censor himself too much, tries to let go of wanting it to sound perfect and scripted like the final scene in a romcom.]
That's not how I care about you, Cisco. Not like Barry or Yuri or the cats or the people at work. This...how I feel about you, it's not default. You're important. You're special. I...
[Gently, he squeezes Cisco, eyes sinking closed.]
You're more than my best friend. It's not just that. It's all...complicated and hard to put into words and I'm scared of it, a little, but it's more than that. I just can't stand to hear you say no one could care about you when you matter so much to me, and all I want to do is be around you all the time, and hear your jokes and your voice and look at your face.
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But then Cisco is explaining, how he sees Eddie as this person who can care about everyone, cites so many examples - Barry and Yuri and the cats and people at work. Says it like how he cares about Cisco is the same as Barry or people at work, a default, and he's shaking his head even before Cisco sobs out that nobody could ever, that he's so...]
Look, Cisco, I don't know what you think you are, but people...
[For a moment, he feels an intense wall of frustration. At himself, for not being able to just tell Cisco about all the complicated feelings he's been having, for not being able to convince Cisco that he's worthwhile, that he can't just...make everything better, again. That he doesn't know how to express all the complicated things going on in his mind and find some perfect, eloquent way to make Cisco believe how special and amazing he is.
And then he pushes past that wall, and reaches out, and it's bad that he doesn't ask first, he knows, but he needs to be holding Cisco. So he gets to his knees, wraps his arms around him, and pulls him close against himself, as much as he can, his arms around him. Eddie speaks, tries not to censor himself too much, tries to let go of wanting it to sound perfect and scripted like the final scene in a romcom.]
That's not how I care about you, Cisco. Not like Barry or Yuri or the cats or the people at work. This...how I feel about you, it's not default. You're important. You're special. I...
[Gently, he squeezes Cisco, eyes sinking closed.]
You're more than my best friend. It's not just that. It's all...complicated and hard to put into words and I'm scared of it, a little, but it's more than that. I just can't stand to hear you say no one could care about you when you matter so much to me, and all I want to do is be around you all the time, and hear your jokes and your voice and look at your face.