[There are a lot of things Eddie's not saying about his realizations, because right now he'd rather be thinking about Cisco's problems than his own, especially when those problems are pointless because they're related to Iris, and Barry, and neither of them are here. There's no use even thinking about it because that relationship is over and Eddie's in a new one, and he's never going back to Central City anyway.
But it does bother him. It hurts. That squirming, painful, humiliating feeling of being the one that doesn't get chosen, the one that isn't wanted.
Ignoring that is for the best. Thinking about how he and Cisco both have uncomfortable histories with being kidnapped and held hostage is somehow easier than thinking about what might have happened in that alternate timeline that made Barry so confident that he'd basically ask Iris out while she was still in a relationship with Eddie. Even talking about Taako is a little easier than that.]
I get that. I feel like Taako just sort of makes jokes and acts like he's tough all the time. I wonder if there's anyone he opens up to.
[Tilting his head back, Eddie just gives up. Lets the feelings about Iris merge with his fears about his relationship with Taako, lets them wash over him and make his throat tighten a little, and when Cisco asks how his life is a mess. Eddie makes a sharp humourless laugh.]
Well, for one thing, I'm dead and can't go home. I don't have any close friends here besides you, and I'm terrible at making them. I'm in the hospital after being stabbed in the heart by a guy I considered a mentor. [A second after he says that, he winces, because he knows that's probably going to hit a little close to home for Cisco, and barrels forward with an easier topic to focus on.] I just found out that my boyfriend probably doesn't think we have a future. Which, okay, I thought I was okay with when we went into this thing, but it's making me really, really sad right now. Especially since I think I just realized that Iris probably alternate-timeline cheated on me with Barry that one time, and I'm not even surprised. I'm just...
[He bites his lip and stops, stares at the ceiling for a moment, eyes wet, trying to get control and not continue that sentence, because 'I'm tired of being everyone's second choice' sounds really, really high school.
After a few moments, he manages to choke out.]
You know.
[A vague wave of the hand that doesn't have the IV in it.]
no subject
But it does bother him. It hurts. That squirming, painful, humiliating feeling of being the one that doesn't get chosen, the one that isn't wanted.
Ignoring that is for the best. Thinking about how he and Cisco both have uncomfortable histories with being kidnapped and held hostage is somehow easier than thinking about what might have happened in that alternate timeline that made Barry so confident that he'd basically ask Iris out while she was still in a relationship with Eddie. Even talking about Taako is a little easier than that.]
I get that. I feel like Taako just sort of makes jokes and acts like he's tough all the time. I wonder if there's anyone he opens up to.
[Tilting his head back, Eddie just gives up. Lets the feelings about Iris merge with his fears about his relationship with Taako, lets them wash over him and make his throat tighten a little, and when Cisco asks how his life is a mess. Eddie makes a sharp humourless laugh.]
Well, for one thing, I'm dead and can't go home. I don't have any close friends here besides you, and I'm terrible at making them. I'm in the hospital after being stabbed in the heart by a guy I considered a mentor. [A second after he says that, he winces, because he knows that's probably going to hit a little close to home for Cisco, and barrels forward with an easier topic to focus on.] I just found out that my boyfriend probably doesn't think we have a future. Which, okay, I thought I was okay with when we went into this thing, but it's making me really, really sad right now. Especially since I think I just realized that Iris probably alternate-timeline cheated on me with Barry that one time, and I'm not even surprised. I'm just...
[He bites his lip and stops, stares at the ceiling for a moment, eyes wet, trying to get control and not continue that sentence, because 'I'm tired of being everyone's second choice' sounds really, really high school.
After a few moments, he manages to choke out.]
You know.
[A vague wave of the hand that doesn't have the IV in it.]