[Eddie's been trying his hardest not to think about that. About how afraid he'd been or how much it had hurt, how sure he'd been that he was going to die, again, that he was going to lose this life he's just started getting really attached to. The people who he's only met or just started to get to know. Taako. Yuri. Cisco. Even John, because Eddie had been more than aware that the person who was hurting him was not the John that he knows.
But it's not easy not to think about it, honestly. It's harder to drag his mind away from it and focus on the fun easy things that Cisco talks about than it is to lie here and ruminate. When Cisco starts faltering, his voice hesitant, his tone overly light, overly casual in a way that suggests he's really struggling with the fun distractions, struggling not to overthink. When Cisco, overly-perky, mentions the drugs, Eddie winces and then shakes his head, laughing.]
Seriously. I'm kinda tired of the drugs, honestly. They make me say the stupidest things, and I'm just...perpetually disoriented, you know? When I first woke up and Taako was here, I asked for Iris. I still feel bad about that...
[His voice trails off, and he tries to listen to Cisco talking about the show, tries to follow, but he can't drag his eyes away from the carefully neutral set of Cisco's mouth, the way his knuckles go white as he clings to the edge of the bed. The tension is written all over him, and even if Eddie hadn't been starting to know him well enough to tell when he's struggling with his demons, he'd be able to tell from how his voice falters and he loses track of what he's saying, talking about the show. It's a relief when Cisco trails off, non-verbally admits that he's not really focused on the talk about a stupid show.
Eddie can't blame him.
And when Cisco finally says that they should get some kind of stamp card for the ER, Eddie laughs, abruptly, without much humor.]
Yeah, I...it's kinda getting to be a habit, you know?
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But it's not easy not to think about it, honestly. It's harder to drag his mind away from it and focus on the fun easy things that Cisco talks about than it is to lie here and ruminate. When Cisco starts faltering, his voice hesitant, his tone overly light, overly casual in a way that suggests he's really struggling with the fun distractions, struggling not to overthink. When Cisco, overly-perky, mentions the drugs, Eddie winces and then shakes his head, laughing.]
Seriously. I'm kinda tired of the drugs, honestly. They make me say the stupidest things, and I'm just...perpetually disoriented, you know? When I first woke up and Taako was here, I asked for Iris. I still feel bad about that...
[His voice trails off, and he tries to listen to Cisco talking about the show, tries to follow, but he can't drag his eyes away from the carefully neutral set of Cisco's mouth, the way his knuckles go white as he clings to the edge of the bed. The tension is written all over him, and even if Eddie hadn't been starting to know him well enough to tell when he's struggling with his demons, he'd be able to tell from how his voice falters and he loses track of what he's saying, talking about the show. It's a relief when Cisco trails off, non-verbally admits that he's not really focused on the talk about a stupid show.
Eddie can't blame him.
And when Cisco finally says that they should get some kind of stamp card for the ER, Eddie laughs, abruptly, without much humor.]
Yeah, I...it's kinda getting to be a habit, you know?