[John's arms wind around Spike's waist. Holding him is grounding. John can close his eyes and lean into him. Turn his nose into Spike's hair. Breathe into him. His chest and belly rising and falling, shaping against the granite slab of Spike's torso. Stop thinking.
There's nothing good in his head. Just a series of traps in a downward spiral. The same ones he falls into every time, knowing that they're there. Stepping into them on purpose. Self-sabotage, and flagellation.
John's just as skilled at hurting himself as he is others.]
no subject
[John's arms wind around Spike's waist. Holding him is grounding. John can close his eyes and lean into him. Turn his nose into Spike's hair. Breathe into him. His chest and belly rising and falling, shaping against the granite slab of Spike's torso. Stop thinking.
There's nothing good in his head. Just a series of traps in a downward spiral. The same ones he falls into every time, knowing that they're there. Stepping into them on purpose. Self-sabotage, and flagellation.
John's just as skilled at hurting himself as he is others.]
I was married.