When his hand came to rest on Jim's chest, he took a slow breath. Every fiber in him focused on the feeling of that heart beat so steady and pronounced under his palm. And it made him think of that moment he'd touched Jim looking for a pulse and found none. The thought caused his fingers to twitch, curl slightly in the fabric as his lips parted to breath in slowly. A careful breath to keep himself from getting too worked up over something he shouldn't be afraid of anymore.

And yet he was.

Hazel eyes flicked up to Jim's as he watched the flicker of everything bright and beautiful about him through a smile or how soft his lips felt with each tiny playful kiss. Shit, he couldn't be more in love with this man if he wanted to be. For a moment all he could do was stand there, the smallest of lines furrowing in his brow as he watched the blonde settle on the blanket.

"Do you ever resent me for putting your life before everything else?" It came out quiet, a low question as his hands dropped to his sides, mind caught in that moment he'd had to 'call a time of death' on Jim. And he refused to. Refused to let him die no matter what horrible thing he had to do or try. He let other people die. Called times of death and forced himself to accept somethings he couldn't fix. Couldn't do.

But everything was different when it came to Jim. And it never really occurred to him what Jim thought about that. Because even if Jim asked him to, he likely wouldn't break his oath to save anyone else like that. Strangely enough, that realization was sobering. So as he lowered down onto the blanket next to Jim, he couldn't help wondering, had it ever bothered him?