[He feels a little sick, and certainly doesn't laugh at the light banter. He just rubs his hand up and down his bicep and tries to think of how to just spit it out. And Pete's here, waiting expectantly for some kind of answer. If he doesn't say it now, he never will. It'll be another long quiet spell that just makes it all worse. He doesn't want to let it get any worse than it already is.

He squeezes his eyes shut, heart thudding in his chest. It comes out of him like a punch.]

I knew what was going to happen on Titan. I knew we lost. That's why I was being such a dick, because I was scared of how to say it, and I knew — I knew if I said anything, it'd ruin your time here, but I didn't even think that you'd go home, so I just — I just didn't say anything. And I'm so sorry, Pete, I'm really sorry.