There was a very long silence before he could bring himself to answer.
"Hickey and his men captured our captain, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he would murder Crozier as well. He would do anything to survive, that man. And I—I suppose I had succumbed to despair, by then."
He drank then, but only a little.
"I took poison, and contrived it to look like suicide so that Hickey would not know." He turned his arm up and rolled back his sleeve to expose the inner skin of his wrist and forearm, revealing a long pale scar. "I warned Crozier so that he would not fall victim as well, and I hope that he lives yet. As for the others..." He shakes his head. "I have wrestled daily with what I did since I woke here. I am not sorry for HIckey, but for the other men ... I tell myself that they were spared a longer, more wretched end." But Alex could undoubtedly tell from his face that he didn't believe that self-justification.
cw: The Terror spoilers, survival cannibalism, murder, suicide
"Hickey and his men captured our captain, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he would murder Crozier as well. He would do anything to survive, that man. And I—I suppose I had succumbed to despair, by then."
He drank then, but only a little.
"I took poison, and contrived it to look like suicide so that Hickey would not know." He turned his arm up and rolled back his sleeve to expose the inner skin of his wrist and forearm, revealing a long pale scar. "I warned Crozier so that he would not fall victim as well, and I hope that he lives yet. As for the others..." He shakes his head. "I have wrestled daily with what I did since I woke here. I am not sorry for HIckey, but for the other men ... I tell myself that they were spared a longer, more wretched end." But Alex could undoubtedly tell from his face that he didn't believe that self-justification.