[There's something about the way Maia looks at him when he asks, in that cracked little voice, if there truly are other people who make no distinction with regards to the sex of their partner when choosing lovers, that makes Csevet feel both incredibly fond and incredibly pained. It isn't difficult to forget that Maia was raised in isolation, sheltered from most of the outside world, but it's even more apparent in moments like this.
Csevet smiles a little, ducking his head, when Maia says he didn't know such thing was allowed.]
Beg pardon, Serenity, but in matters of this kind of inclination, there's very little 'allowing' to be done, as it's something we- [The plural, this time.] -are born into, just like our families.
[A soft exhalation, and he goes quiet, watching Maia as he processes what Csevet has volunteered about himself. He'd expected a pause while Maia considers how to look at him now, how to feel about him, but before he can even finish the sentence, Maia is speaking, saying that he would be a monstrous hypocrite for feeling differently about him because of his inclinations. Maia speaks in the informal again, shifting into it as he says that Csevet needs to fear his judgement as little as Maia fears Csevet's.
He can see the tears in Maia's eyes, and the sincerity and warmth on his face, and he holds his breath for a moment, against the warm rush of pleasure at connecting with Maia in this way, sharing this moment, this information, intimate and personal. It's a dangerous pleasure, because Csevet is at least somewhat aware of his own feelings for Maia, unacknowledged in words or even conscious thought, though felt deeply. It's dangerous, potentially devastating, holds the potential to destroy his life - job, friendships, standing, even future employability - if it goes wrong in any way. And yet, for a moment, he indulges enjoyment of the intimacy, the connection.
Then he exhales and lets the sensation go, still smiling, his eyes softer than usual.]
We have known since we were quite young, Serenity. Since we first realized how romance and more intimate enjoyments worked, we knew that we had no interest in indulging in such with women. To be sure, we tried, but it came to nothing, for we love women, but only as friends. By the time we were thirteen, we knew that there was no use in forcing ourselves anymore to try for a more...acceptable connection.
no subject
Csevet smiles a little, ducking his head, when Maia says he didn't know such thing was allowed.]
Beg pardon, Serenity, but in matters of this kind of inclination, there's very little 'allowing' to be done, as it's something we- [The plural, this time.] -are born into, just like our families.
[A soft exhalation, and he goes quiet, watching Maia as he processes what Csevet has volunteered about himself. He'd expected a pause while Maia considers how to look at him now, how to feel about him, but before he can even finish the sentence, Maia is speaking, saying that he would be a monstrous hypocrite for feeling differently about him because of his inclinations. Maia speaks in the informal again, shifting into it as he says that Csevet needs to fear his judgement as little as Maia fears Csevet's.
He can see the tears in Maia's eyes, and the sincerity and warmth on his face, and he holds his breath for a moment, against the warm rush of pleasure at connecting with Maia in this way, sharing this moment, this information, intimate and personal. It's a dangerous pleasure, because Csevet is at least somewhat aware of his own feelings for Maia, unacknowledged in words or even conscious thought, though felt deeply. It's dangerous, potentially devastating, holds the potential to destroy his life - job, friendships, standing, even future employability - if it goes wrong in any way. And yet, for a moment, he indulges enjoyment of the intimacy, the connection.
Then he exhales and lets the sensation go, still smiling, his eyes softer than usual.]
We have known since we were quite young, Serenity. Since we first realized how romance and more intimate enjoyments worked, we knew that we had no interest in indulging in such with women. To be sure, we tried, but it came to nothing, for we love women, but only as friends. By the time we were thirteen, we knew that there was no use in forcing ourselves anymore to try for a more...acceptable connection.