[people keep... giving him lanterns. he manages to refuse some of them - politely - but when the whole festival first starts happening, it leaves cassian feeling very uncomfortable. they are lanterns for the dead; he is the dead. does that mean someone should be making one for him? memoria. like the way rogue one is memorialized in their deaths.]

[he listens on the outside sometimes of some of the locals telling their stories, mostly to tell himself it's to get a better sense of these people and this place. the reality is maybe he just... wonders how people deal with their grief and death. it's not something he's tackled head on much. he doesn't really know how to mourn properly, on account he's never really gotten the chance. he never wanted to try.]

[there's a lot about this that's making him very emotionally uncomfortable. not only does he think about the people he misses, but he thinks about the people he's killed. he didn't even always know their names. their failies probably mourned them. catch him sulking and brooding off on the sidelines, very stiff and still.]

[sometimes he just doesn't want any of this lantern business, so he holds them out towards the nearest person. if you don't take them, they're gonna fall! what a tragedy pls stop it!] Here. All yours.

[he doesn't want to write any of his feelings on the lantern. cassian has a hard enough time dealing with them internally and too much experience tucking them away to feel safe baring his soul, so to speak, on a lantern that's going to float away who knows where.]

[he does write names though. on a grayish lantern, he draws the symbol of the rebellion and writes K-2SO. on a blue one, he draws little stars in red and yellow, this time with the names Chirrut Imwe and Baze Malbus. a red one, Bodhi Rook, with the bravest pilot scrawled hastily underneath.]

[on two white lanterns, he writes his parents' names. he wonders again if he should write his own name, but what would he even want to tell himself? that's a little too much self reflection. part of him feels silly sitting here quietly under a tree near the river with so many lanterns, but he's been so unhappy about mortality thanks to this stupid holiday that anything feels worth a try. maybe it'll be as cathartic as everyone says.]

[jyn gets sick first. it's a strange position to be in, that of a caregiver. he knows how to keep himself alive in battle, undercover, but illness is another area entirely. he feels a little out of his element.]

[a few days into it, he's perusing a grocery store and stockpiling ingredients in his basket for what's clearly soup. or several kinds of soup. that's what's on the menu, for jyn and maybe if any other of his friends are falling ill too. only when he finds himself prodding at some of the spices, cassian is suddenly hit with a heavy wave of dizziness.]

[it startles him and he grabs the shelf to keep his balance. after a few moments he presses his fingers to his forehead and finds his skin has gotten very warm. his throat has been a little scratchy all day, but he's been ignoring it like he's always done when it comes to vaguely sick symptoms. but he's finding that quite suddenly he's having a hard time keeping upright. this is definitely jyn's fault.]

[ hit me up ! come visit him being a sick grumpy lump. ]