I'm not punishing myself. I'm not trying to fix anything, I'm just...
[ Trying to get out of his own head. Trying to hurt something worse than he's already hurt himself. Looking for a way to stop feeling, and this isn't perfect, but feeling nothing but pain is a respite. It's something.
It's something.
He would go to Leia, if he could. If he trusted her to do more than command him to stop and then disappear. He's starting to wonder, he has to wonder, if she's even his Leia at all. His Leia... His Leia is different.
Paige is gone. John might as well be. His mom's ship is here, rusted and out of shape, like a dark promise of how long things stay in this place. How long they'll have to wait to get home, if they ever do. (If they do, if they do, a new doubt that's been cutting Poe to pieces strip by strip.) ]
I just. [ His eyes burn. Poe closes them. ] I just need this.
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[ Trying to get out of his own head. Trying to hurt something worse than he's already hurt himself. Looking for a way to stop feeling, and this isn't perfect, but feeling nothing but pain is a respite. It's something.
It's something.
He would go to Leia, if he could. If he trusted her to do more than command him to stop and then disappear. He's starting to wonder, he has to wonder, if she's even his Leia at all. His Leia... His Leia is different.
Paige is gone. John might as well be. His mom's ship is here, rusted and out of shape, like a dark promise of how long things stay in this place. How long they'll have to wait to get home, if they ever do. (If they do, if they do, a new doubt that's been cutting Poe to pieces strip by strip.) ]
I just. [ His eyes burn. Poe closes them. ] I just need this.