[ Finn's own pause isn't quite as long. Less awkward, more a moment of consideration. The whole-- spell thing, it weirdly doesn't crop up in Finn's mind in regards to this. Just the question, and the elaboration. ]
Okay.
[ And a pause again while he thinks, this one on the longer side. At this point, with as much as Cisco's ever done to help him, as good as he's always been to Rey, it's not a matter of trust. He trusts Cisco. It's usually about control over what people know, for a lot of reasons. About, despite knowing he didn't get to choose it, despite knowing that he left, still feeling... that curl of shame, for what he was. Could have been.
If he said I can't or I don't want to, if he started and stopped, he knows he could trust Cisco not to push it. To let him still have that control.
That's no small thing to him. People he can place that trust in are few and far between in his life so far, no matter how much he might trust them to be good people or to watch his back. So Finn leans forwards, elbows to knees, hands clasped. Looks out towards the people passing by a little ways off, minding their own business, and holds himself still. ]
I was a stormtrooper. [ It comes out soft. He tries to sound measured and matter-of-fact with it, but it's safe to say his tone veers more into uncertain territory. Waiting for second shoes to drop is sort of his hobby. He's not one to assume things will automatically go well. ] The, uh. The First Order raised me. That's what I was getting out of.
no subject
Okay.
[ And a pause again while he thinks, this one on the longer side. At this point, with as much as Cisco's ever done to help him, as good as he's always been to Rey, it's not a matter of trust. He trusts Cisco. It's usually about control over what people know, for a lot of reasons. About, despite knowing he didn't get to choose it, despite knowing that he left, still feeling... that curl of shame, for what he was. Could have been.
If he said I can't or I don't want to, if he started and stopped, he knows he could trust Cisco not to push it. To let him still have that control.
That's no small thing to him. People he can place that trust in are few and far between in his life so far, no matter how much he might trust them to be good people or to watch his back. So Finn leans forwards, elbows to knees, hands clasped. Looks out towards the people passing by a little ways off, minding their own business, and holds himself still. ]
I was a stormtrooper. [ It comes out soft. He tries to sound measured and matter-of-fact with it, but it's safe to say his tone veers more into uncertain territory. Waiting for second shoes to drop is sort of his hobby. He's not one to assume things will automatically go well. ] The, uh. The First Order raised me. That's what I was getting out of.