[ It's one of the more frustrating parts of his recovery, that Cisco is becoming more aware of how his mind works, the traps he slips into, but still isn't able to stop himself. For instance, right now, he knows that what Shigeru is describing is different to what he'd been through. Comparable, in some ways, but different. He wants to listen, kindly, and with enough distance that he can offer comfort and advice. But instead, he can feel his heartbeat speeding up, his body starting to shake a little with entirely unnecessary adrenaline.
Cisco twists his hands together, trying to hide his increasing discomfort, but only making it more obvious as he does. When Shigeru says he says he loves me, Cisco's stomach twists, the nausea somehow worse because it's been so long since he ate last. He swallows and tries to ignore it, and to under no circumstances think about Eobard saying we love you, too.
He only realizes how obvious he's being when Shigeru apologizes, and by that point, it's too late to hide it better. Cisco opens his mouth, starts stammering a denial: ]
Oh, I'm not- it's- I'm fine-
[ He stops, with a short little sigh of frustration. He wouldn't fool a child, right now. ]
Not this sort of thing, exactly. Something different. But it's not- you don't have to apologize. It's just been... on my mind, lately.
[ Cisco rubs his hands over his face, as if he could scrub the memories and all the awfulness away. It doesn't work, of course. But he tries to keep the focus on Shigeru, to actually say something that will help him, rather than just... freaking out about his own issues, like he always seems to. The only problem is that the most important piece of advice he wants to give comes much closer than he'd like to his own situation.
There's obvious effort in the way Cisco tries to keep his voice neutral, a strain in it that is only too audible. ]
People who... the sort of people who will tell you they love you and then- hurt you that badly, don't actually love you. That's not love. Even if... they used to treat you nice. To get you to like them. Even if they're good sometimes. And make other people think they're good all the time. People who love you don't- isolate you, from other people. They don't make you feel like- like you were nothing before you met them, or they're the only ones who understand you, or any of that bullshit. And they don't kill you and leave you there on the ground.
[ He realizes his slip a moment to late, and corrects, face going hot, the shaking in his hands even worse now: ]
Nearly kill you. I meant... they don't nearly kill you.
no subject
Cisco twists his hands together, trying to hide his increasing discomfort, but only making it more obvious as he does. When Shigeru says he says he loves me, Cisco's stomach twists, the nausea somehow worse because it's been so long since he ate last. He swallows and tries to ignore it, and to under no circumstances think about Eobard saying we love you, too.
He only realizes how obvious he's being when Shigeru apologizes, and by that point, it's too late to hide it better. Cisco opens his mouth, starts stammering a denial: ]
Oh, I'm not- it's- I'm fine-
[ He stops, with a short little sigh of frustration. He wouldn't fool a child, right now. ]
Not this sort of thing, exactly. Something different. But it's not- you don't have to apologize. It's just been... on my mind, lately.
[ Cisco rubs his hands over his face, as if he could scrub the memories and all the awfulness away. It doesn't work, of course. But he tries to keep the focus on Shigeru, to actually say something that will help him, rather than just... freaking out about his own issues, like he always seems to. The only problem is that the most important piece of advice he wants to give comes much closer than he'd like to his own situation.
There's obvious effort in the way Cisco tries to keep his voice neutral, a strain in it that is only too audible. ]
People who... the sort of people who will tell you they love you and then- hurt you that badly, don't actually love you. That's not love. Even if... they used to treat you nice. To get you to like them. Even if they're good sometimes. And make other people think they're good all the time. People who love you don't- isolate you, from other people. They don't make you feel like- like you were nothing before you met them, or they're the only ones who understand you, or any of that bullshit. And they don't kill you and leave you there on the ground.
[ He realizes his slip a moment to late, and corrects, face going hot, the shaking in his hands even worse now: ]
Nearly kill you. I meant... they don't nearly kill you.