[Rey took a deep breath, calming herself down, trying to suppress the feeling to cry again. It was a relief to share what happened. To cry them out was beneficial, releasing the stress of keeping everything inside of her, but the more she talked about what happened, that feeling came back. That need to release the stress in the form of tears threatened to come back, even though she told herself shew as stronger than this. She was better than a crying like a child.]
I texted Poe, apologizing for starting the fight. He said we were still friends, and that he needed space, which was fine. I can't force him to forgive me. I'm not going to force my company on him, especially when I hurt him.
[Rey put Poe's feelings first before her own, making sure he was okay. She had hurt him, and had to be the one to reach out first. He asked how she was and she said she was fine, not a complete lie, but it was better than nothing. Better than telling him that he was right about Ben.]
I saw Finn not too long ago. We hugged, but it's still not the same. Not how it used to be. I told him I was getting a handle on things. I told him Snoke was dead and he could let Leia and Poe know. But I can't tell him about Ben. Not after the fight.
[Not yet anyway. Not until the new memories have settled and weren't so raw in their minds.]
I can't tell Poe or Finn that I kissed Ben, that I have feelings for him. It would only widen the gap between us and, I don't want to lose them as friends.
[The words were spoken softly that Rey didn't realize her slip. All this time she had spoken about her feelings for Ben in the past tense, but here, she still had them. She still felt something for him. She confessed to kissing him. Confessed to her romantic entanglement with Ben, but she was afraid of losing Finn and Poe if they found out. If they found out about those feelings or even the Force bond that her judgement would be called into question and things would fall apart further.
So yes, it was her own damn business, but she had every reason to keep it to herself.]
I didn't want to put you in the middle of this. I didn't want to drag anyone else into this mess.
[Not a silly suggestion at all, but she's already risked a lot in telling Cisco everything that's happened. At least he was still in her corner, and for that she would be forever grateful.]
Ben hasn't spoken to me at all. I don't think he will, and I'm not...I won't reach out to him. Not after what he's done.
[Making her choose between him and the Resistance. Breaking her heart in following the Dark Side.]
If he does try to contact me, I'll let you know--but please don't do anything. Don't...seek him out or anything like that, please?
no subject
[Rey took a deep breath, calming herself down, trying to suppress the feeling to cry again. It was a relief to share what happened. To cry them out was beneficial, releasing the stress of keeping everything inside of her, but the more she talked about what happened, that feeling came back. That need to release the stress in the form of tears threatened to come back, even though she told herself shew as stronger than this. She was better than a crying like a child.]
I texted Poe, apologizing for starting the fight. He said we were still friends, and that he needed space, which was fine. I can't force him to forgive me. I'm not going to force my company on him, especially when I hurt him.
[Rey put Poe's feelings first before her own, making sure he was okay. She had hurt him, and had to be the one to reach out first. He asked how she was and she said she was fine, not a complete lie, but it was better than nothing. Better than telling him that he was right about Ben.]
I saw Finn not too long ago. We hugged, but it's still not the same. Not how it used to be. I told him I was getting a handle on things. I told him Snoke was dead and he could let Leia and Poe know. But I can't tell him about Ben. Not after the fight.
[Not yet anyway. Not until the new memories have settled and weren't so raw in their minds.]
I can't tell Poe or Finn that I kissed Ben, that I have feelings for him. It would only widen the gap between us and, I don't want to lose them as friends.
[The words were spoken softly that Rey didn't realize her slip. All this time she had spoken about her feelings for Ben in the past tense, but here, she still had them. She still felt something for him. She confessed to kissing him. Confessed to her romantic entanglement with Ben, but she was afraid of losing Finn and Poe if they found out. If they found out about those feelings or even the Force bond that her judgement would be called into question and things would fall apart further.
So yes, it was her own damn business, but she had every reason to keep it to herself.]
I didn't want to put you in the middle of this. I didn't want to drag anyone else into this mess.
[Not a silly suggestion at all, but she's already risked a lot in telling Cisco everything that's happened. At least he was still in her corner, and for that she would be forever grateful.]
Ben hasn't spoken to me at all. I don't think he will, and I'm not...I won't reach out to him. Not after what he's done.
[Making her choose between him and the Resistance. Breaking her heart in following the Dark Side.]
If he does try to contact me, I'll let you know--but please don't do anything. Don't...seek him out or anything like that, please?