riverviewlogs | [open] I saw a ghost on the stairs

Entry tags:

[open] I saw a ghost on the stairs

who: Letha Regis, OPEN
what: Catch-all log with some prompts, mostly firefly-related.
when: April 21 and beyond
where: Just kinda... all over the quarantine.
warnings: Probably a lot of death talk, will update if anything else comes up.

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I - Yellow/Orange

When the fireflies first came she hadn't known what they do... she still hasn't connected it fully, but after getting caught in a swarm of them she's starting to think they were a bad thing to approach willingly. She feels almost physically sick as she wanders back from one of her wanderlust adventures around the city, shaking softly and hugging her belly protectively. It wasn't until those fireflies touched her that she realized just how many terrible questions there are to ask herself on the way home. What will happen when she dies? Will she ever see Aristeo again? How many more risks can she take before her daughter gets killed? How many risks can she take before someone gets sick of her and takes a weapon to her - and goes through with it this time? Was that a baby kick, or is she just feeling sick? How safe are the walls, actually?

It's in this sort of state that she ends up sitting on a park bench, too out of sorts to bother with the walk. Anyone who knows her will immediately be able to tell something is off... she's lost her peppy attitude completely in favor of looking like a small breeze might shatter her. And if they touch her or speak to her, she'll inevitably be startled. Depending on the approach, she might even pull out a weapon - but the only weapon she has on hand is a pair of old scissors, and she is barely over five feet. It is not an intimidating sight.

II - Red

On a different day, she manages to be stung by a lone bug without noticing. She'd been wandering by the training center, so at least she won't be causing any permanent damage... but anyone who visits will find her with a sword in hand, absolutely whaling on an armored dummy. She has neither strength nor endurance, but she has anger, so while there's no signs of damage on the dummy it's clear she's been attacking it for quite a while. Letha has always been gifted at keeping her anger in check only to have it boil over in times of stress, and today seems to be no different. This time she doesn't have much to be angry about, but... she'll make things up if she needs to, she just needs to push this rage out of her.

And if you've managed to catch her attention while watching, well... god help you.

III - General

When not under effects, Letha will be spending a lot of time wandering around the city, although those who knew her from the first month of Riverview might notice she's a little more slow and cautious about it than usual. Instead of skipping around guns-blazing, she's starting to put a little more effort into keeping herself out of unnecessary trouble. After all, her baby bump is starting to get very obvious - and her daughter is big enough to start kicking. This isn't to say she's being careful... but closer to using common sense. Not trying to walk on top of walls, and things like that. It's almost like she's acting like an adult.

Of course, with free reign to buy whatever food she likes and a fair amount of cravings still taking hold of her, one may still run into her in a giggly sugar rush. She may be found at cafes (including the pet cafe), indulging in tea and snacks, or simply wandering between shops to give herself something to do. Sometimes her Phantump is out of his ball, and sometimes he isn't.

And if someone is observant (or just affected by circumstance) they may find her occasionally wandering in the fifth floor of communal housing, or around the training center. Trying to get her nerves up to talk to Ivar, and every time just defeatedly wandering away again.

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[The effects of her anxiety were gone for the moment, but she hasn't noticed yet that the honesty is still hanging over her. She's spent nearly an hour in her bed, just trying to cool down and get her thoughts back in order.

She'd been in the middle of getting up and planning to leave, when Roy walks in. And while for a moment she shoots him the usual look of 'shame on you for not apologizing'... when she speaks, it doesn't exactly go the way she'd planned.]

You shouldn't have brought up my daughter getting hurt. I'm afraid of her getting hurt enough, after she died the first time. [She pauses, before adding on:] But I shouldn't have gotten defensive, it didn't help anything.

[What a heck of a beginning. There's so much in all of that he doesn't even know where to start.]

[But she's at least speaking to him. Having evidently not thought in the least about what he'd said, or the apparent hypocrisy he'd perceived in her words, but nonetheless -- people didn't change overnight.]

Yeah, I'm sorry that whole conversation ended up falling out the way it did.

[She sort of gives him an awkward nod, the best she can manage. Letha isn't the best at showing humility - no one in her family is - but if there's one thing she's good at, it's awkward attempts at reconciliation.]

I... admit I wasn't listening to you. At all. But it's been brought to my attention that... being so adamant about others accepting my way of life was- selfish. In a way. And while I still don't see the reason to be opposed to it... [She hesitates, still trying very hard to word things in a dignified manner that can hide the fact that she's backing down from her point.] ...I understand that others are worried about it. And simply telling them their worries are- stupid, is... wrong... of me.

[He won't get 'I'm sorry' out of her, but he'll get this. Whether or not she lives up to the apparently revelation, well, that has yet to be seen. It seems like just admitting she'd made a mistake is painful enough.]

[Roy recognizes perfectly well that this is a heck of a lot coming from Letha, and accepts it for what it is. He won't take her change of heart for granted, not till he sees certain proof with his own eyes, but neither will he attack her again, verbally or otherwise.]

...I should explain, so you understand. [Roy pauses, because this is not something he likes to talk about -- and frankly, Letha doesn't deserve to hear this, but decency compels him to say it anyway.] I lost my little brother to a magical accident caused by a wizard who, out of arrogance, assumed he could do whatever he wanted and everything would be just fine.

Oh.

[Her head ducks in shame at that; it occurs to her that she had, in fact, made the same mistake. And she's not one to talk about controlling her powers, when she's taken her own powers for granted.]

I was killed by my powers, in my world. [She figures it worth admitting, though she's not sure at all if it helps or not.] Not- the risen. But... We're told not to visit the afterlife without a guard, and I thought I could do without. I was left in the house alone, and a candle fell over... and the sort of death I suffered was beyond what I could properly describe to you.

[No doubt Roy had noticed how nervous Letha gets around open flames... she'd been a neurotic mess during the blackouts, if only because of all the candles being used.]

I thought... perhaps I'd learned from my mistakes enough that I wouldn't need to worry. And I've done well with avoiding my previous mistakes, but- perhaps... I am being a bit... arrogant.

[Roy would like to think that, were he in a similar situation, 'killed by your own powers' would be a giant red flag and grounds for some very serious introspection and consideration of his life choices. But then again, Letha is very young, and despite her power, very sheltered as near as he can tell.]

There's never a point in life, I think, where someone has learned 'enough'. As soon as you learn something new, you find a whole new host of problems and questions and troubles.

Then again, if we stopped learning, if we stopped needing to learn... we'd be dead. You know, for good this time. [Since both of them apparently have a history of coming back.]

[Letha also just doesn't realize the gravity of death... although perhaps if she sat down and admitted how much her death hurt for once it might give her some actual insight.]

I'm starting to learn that. [She huffs softly.] I haven't been thinking lately. I've been so preoccupied with the excitement of being alive that... perhaps I forgot to be mindful of death. [She offers a sort of begrudging shrug.] But I only want to help others. I can find information that they can't, and I can do things with my risen that don't risk the safety of living beings. That should be worth more than the risk of losing control.

That's not a guarantee, Letha. It sounds like a noble sacrifice, but one thing I learned was that noble sacrifices only work when they actually solve the problem. Maybe sometimes it will be worth it. There will definitely be times it isn't. That's something you have to judge each time... on what the benefit is if you choose right, and what the cost is if you choose wrong.

[It isn't easy, being Good. Though some people he knew didn't have a problem with it at all -- it just comes naturally, almost like luck. He's not that sort, and he's willing to guess Letha isn't either. What with the dying and all.]

[He gets another moody nod; she isn't happy with it, but with a clear head and an open mind she can see he has a point.]

Perhaps you should spar with my risen, if you're worried about it. It might give you some piece of mind to know that you're stronger than my creations. [She pauses for a moment.] But... I understand if you'd rather I just didn't animate it around you.

[No, she doesn't really understand. But she really is trying to find a way to keep others from being upset with her.]

I don't mean this in a way that disparages your abilities in the slightest, but I am confident that you can't create anything I can't put down. [Roy is a high-level fighter; he can cleave through a half-dozen mummies in one single stroke. If she can create stuff from the weird depths of supplementary Monster Manuals he might be in trouble, but that seems unlikely at best.] The problem is, I'm not always there.

[Her creations are limited to human-level skeletons... he's safe.]

Well, you're not the only powerful fighter around. There's Ivar, Loki, Taako, the two Mr. Rogers... I doubt you'd all be gone at the same time. [She's missing the point, isn't she.] My point is that being able to use them is important to me. And I understand you're unhappy with that, but... I want to reach an agreement where I can use them within reason. Because... otherwise I will do so behind your back, and I doubt you'll appreciate that much.

Whoa, hold on. [Roy lifts a hand, wondering how the conversation had gone down this track.] I don't have any authority whatsoever to stop you from doing anything at all. You don't need my permission, and I'm certainly not in your position to judge when the benefit appears to outweigh the risks. We obviously have two different valuations of that to begin with anyway...

[Well, at this she just rolls her eyes.] Then what do you want from me? You told me my powers were evil, now you're telling me it's my business when I use them. [She lets out a moody little huff, for a moment almost seeming like a normal teenager.] I just want to be able to clean around my bed without touching any of it myself, maybe cook and read at the same time, I've never had a reason for the risk to be too great for that. And I want to be able to use risen for such things without you being upset with me - it's not about permission, it's about making you like me.

[Her wording is... a bit too on the nose, and she's not happy with that at all. But she can't take it back now.]

I can have a strong moral opinion and put all my effort into persuading you to it, but I have no right to enforce it unless you're actually committing an Evil act that endangers others. [There's no contradiction here. Though Roy then regards her with a slight frown.]

You were just saying you wanted to use your powers in ways that don't risk others, but what about yourself? Is basic domestic housework really worth endangering your own well-being? Especially when magical means that don't require raising the dead exist to do all of those things?

I'm safe, and I'm fine. It doesn't endanger me at all to use my powers, not any more than it would anyone else, and I lose nothing from using them. And I'm smart enough to disanimate them if I'm tired or planning to leave them behind.

[Letha... honestly doesn't see why Roy wouldn't force his ideals on her, she's sort of used to it when people bring up ideology at all. So she's just waiting for him to inevitably start yelling at her again.]

Well, I don't agree with it. That's about all I can say on the score.

[Roy just shrugs. No yelling, no anger. Maybe some frustration, but it's tired frustration, born of worry as much as righteous indignation. Being Good is difficult sometimes.]

I'm not going to ostracize you or anything, though.

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[open] I saw a ghost on the stairs

Starter for Roy Greenhilt

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