[ He kissed me. He touched me. And it wasn't in some affectionate way, not like skinship.
Aoba seems to short-circuit, his head tilting to the side as Karamatsu pulls him in for a tight embrace. He stares off, spacing out as his brain mentally catches up with everything that just happened. Well, no, it's not really catching up. He's reviewing it, over and over again. Wondering if something will pop out at him, 'surprise! this was all a joke'... anything to relieve him of this shift that changes everything.
No. He can't feel that way about me.
This is wrong.
I want things like they were.
I want my friendship back.
Aoba feels a tightness in his chest at the thought, like something dear to him was taken away. But Karamatsu's still here, holding him and apologizing but not so sorry as to stop himself from acting on his selfish desires. That tightness turns to embarrassment and hurt, even anger. He knows he's with Noiz, and yet...
But then, just now, he tried to act on his selfish desires. Packaged them neatly under the purpose of deleting that self-hate from Karamatsu's brain, but if he inspects his intent under a different light, he supposes he'd see the ugly underside. The part of Aoba who wanted Karamatsu to stop questioning his reasons for cherishing him, to not have to explain himself time and again, because it was... embarrassing. A rush of other problems come to light too, things Aoba doesn't want to think about, and instead he just shoves them all down inside and snaps it shut like baggage he doesn't intend on opening again. Instinctively, Aoba jerks back, tugging away in Karamatsu's grip. ]
Karamatsu -- what are you -- l-let go... I can't...!
[ Aoba tries to pull him at his shoulders to get him to stop hugging him, his heart has been banging away in his chest and now with it feeling this tight, he feels like any pressure is suffocating him. He needs space, air, anything. ]
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Aoba seems to short-circuit, his head tilting to the side as Karamatsu pulls him in for a tight embrace. He stares off, spacing out as his brain mentally catches up with everything that just happened. Well, no, it's not really catching up. He's reviewing it, over and over again. Wondering if something will pop out at him, 'surprise! this was all a joke'... anything to relieve him of this shift that changes everything.
No. He can't feel that way about me.
This is wrong.
I want things like they were.
I want my friendship back.
Aoba feels a tightness in his chest at the thought, like something dear to him was taken away. But Karamatsu's still here, holding him and apologizing but not so sorry as to stop himself from acting on his selfish desires. That tightness turns to embarrassment and hurt, even anger. He knows he's with Noiz, and yet...
But then, just now, he tried to act on his selfish desires. Packaged them neatly under the purpose of deleting that self-hate from Karamatsu's brain, but if he inspects his intent under a different light, he supposes he'd see the ugly underside. The part of Aoba who wanted Karamatsu to stop questioning his reasons for cherishing him, to not have to explain himself time and again, because it was... embarrassing. A rush of other problems come to light too, things Aoba doesn't want to think about, and instead he just shoves them all down inside and snaps it shut like baggage he doesn't intend on opening again. Instinctively, Aoba jerks back, tugging away in Karamatsu's grip. ]
Karamatsu -- what are you -- l-let go... I can't...!
[ Aoba tries to pull him at his shoulders to get him to stop hugging him, his heart has been banging away in his chest and now with it feeling this tight, he feels like any pressure is suffocating him. He needs space, air, anything. ]