[closed] Sif and Val's festive lingerie adventure

[fiercestwarrior]

who: Lady Sif and Valkyrie
what: Sif and Val try to figure out what in the heck one is supposed to do with seemingly useless bits of lace.
when: At some point during the latter part of december, probably after the big Yule party.
where: A lingerie store somewhere
warnings: Will add if necessary



[ Grief comes to her in waves, often at odd times and never when it is suitable. She sleeps poorly, haunted by nightmares, and during the day she is haunted by... well, life.

Things are fucked up, and there is no un-fucking it in sight for a long while, and Sif is feeling like absolute shit a good majority of the time. There are, however, bright spots, and one of them prefers to call itself Val these days.

Meeting and befriending the Valkyrie is one of the precious good things in her life, and at the tail end of a rocky week she has now asked the other woman to spend the day with her. She just wants to laugh and talk and try to find out who she even is now that her whole life has come crashing down around her.

She doesn't look too great when they meet. There are dark circles under her eyes, and it is one of those times when she has embraced the sweatpant because fuck wriggling into tight leather today. It isn't how she wants to appear before a woman she truly admires, but at this point she's just so tired, and if anyone can understand that, surely it's Val. ]

Comments

[trashvalkyrie]

[When she's not learning the ropes of her new job with the Perimeter Guard, Val has to find some way to amuse herself. And as much as she loves to drink and observe others' mischief, she's also trying to...maybe be a more functional person for once. So she's surprisingly not drunk off her ass today—not that she doesn't have her flask on her, of course, but she doesn't need it when her stress levels are actually subsiding day by day. And spending time with Sif...well, Sif deserves more than a stumbling trainwreck of a companion.

She waves lazily at the sight of Sif, dressed in more comfortable clothing herself; black leggings, her own boots, and a sweater that drapes off her shoulder and falls halfway to her knees. Her daggers still rest at her hips, though; she's not willing to part with all of her weapons. She's eager to take a look around the shops and see what passes as innovation around these parts.]

What're we looking for? Anything in particular?

[fiercestwarrior]

[ Val receives a wide smile in return for he wave, and some tension visibly eases out of her shoulders as she nears the other woman. Yes, this had been a good decision. She doesn't know Val well yet, but she cannot imagine a way that they will not end up being good friends. ]

We are looking for a distraction.

[trashvalkyrie]

Distractions are good.

[She glances around at the street to either side of them, eyeing up the shop windows, and sees one in particular that has a most curious display out front. Val points.]

That looks like a good distraction.

[fiercestwarrior]

[ Sif steps closer to the window, peering at the wares on display and... not feeling quite certain what exactly it is that she is looking at. ]

It appears to be some form of clothing...

[ But if so it is the most thoroughly useless kind she has ever seen in all her life. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

Looks like the kind of place the Grandmaster would have loved.

[She knows all too well the kind of girls he liked to surround himself with. Val elbows Sif lightly in the side.]

We should go inside. Investigate.

[fiercestwarrior]

Very well.

[ Sif is starting to make a few guesses about what purposes these clothes might be meant to serve, but she still struggles to see the appeal. ]

Let us go inside.

[ She leads the way into the store, almost immediately confronted with a rack of bras. She picks one up and turns it in her hands, fingers running along the underwire. Support, she supposes. Practical, perhaps, but it must be uncomfortable. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

[Val cackles, pulling a flask out of her jacket, and takes a swig before offering it to Sif.]

It's Asgardian. I have a feeling we're gonna need it.

[Once inside, she's assaulted by an onslaught of frilly lace and what appear to be torture devices.]

I think if you put that on you'd suffocate on your own tits.

[fiercestwarrior]

There is a lot of padding involved, is it some sort of protective measure?

[ She gives the push-up bra a tentative squeeze. ]

Or is the purpose simply to make breasts appear larger?

[trashvalkyrie]

[She snorts, reaching out to poke at the garment, and rolls her eyes.]

A sword or spear would go right through that. My guess is the latter. Seems like something a man would come up with, doesn't it?

[fiercestwarrior]

So the breasts appear bigger, but as soon as you take this off they will be as they were all the same so... what is the point?

[ Yes, she is Asgardian and thus very aware that ridiculous things are often done in the name of style but this still confuses her. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

[Val's expression is the epitome of distaste: wrinkled nose, knit brows.]

There's no point. It's stupid. Who would do something like this? Who would wear this willingly?

[fiercestwarrior]

[ Sif shakes her head and moves on, and finds herself even more baffled when she comes across... actually, she has no idea.

She holds up a lace thong in complete bafflement. The bra at least has some limited use as a means to keep one's breasts from moving around in an uncomfortable fashion, but this... ]

I am not sure what part of the body this goes on.

[trashvalkyrie]

[s q u i n t s]

Please tell me that's not underwear. That...it can't be comfortable. There's no way.

[fiercestwarrior]

[ Just as an experiment, Sif hangs the thing around her neck, but that is clearly not right. ]

Is it meant to intentionally chafe?

[ Because surely it must, right? ]

[trashvalkyrie]

If that were the case, you'd have to be completely stupid to willingly wear one.

[She laughs, watching Sif attempt to wear it as a necklace, and grabs it to inspect it in her own two hands. When that turns up no further clues, she just...slingshots the thing across the shop, earning her a dirty look from the saleswoman.]

Useful as a distraction, I guess.

[fiercestwarrior]

[ That makes Sif snort out a laugh before she moves to a display that is a little more familiar. ]

Ah. Corsets. Never liked them.

[ Though these don't really look sturdy enough to actually do what corsets are supposed to do. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

Ugh.

[Val reaches out to tug at the flimsy ribbon at the front of one of them, rolling her eyes.]

It took four people to get me into one of those, once. My mother stopped trying after that.

[fiercestwarrior]

It is a battle I still fight with mine at times, but these days I win.

[ Not that corsets are in any way a huge part of Asgardian fashion, her mother simply has a lot of very firm Ideas about what Sif should be doing to make herself more marriageable. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

[One of the reasons Val is glad that facing her family isn't a problem she's had in a great long while. Sad as it is, she doesn't have to worry about meeting expectations anymore.]

I'm sure you do. [She tugs a few more times at the flimsy thing, and then lets it drop.]

A whole shop dedicated to this stuff...it's a bit ridiculous.

[fiercestwarrior]

I would never have guessed that the demand for it could be high enough to warrant such a thing.

[ Do so many people truly want strings up their buttcracks? ]

[trashvalkyrie]

I guess modern women have different priorities.

[And then she's holding up a pair of panties that are not only made entirely of lace, but have a zipper right up the middle. Horrified, she pulls the zipper open and sticks her fingers through.]

...Why?!

[fiercestwarrior]

[ Sif's eyes go very wide when the possibilities of what havoc that zipper could wreak should something go wrong briefly flash through her mind.

She is a hardened warrior, and pain is nothing, but still... ouch. ]

That looks like a recipe for flayed cock if you ask me.

[ Not to mention the misfortune that could befall the wearer of this ridiculous garment. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

[She doesn't bother stifling her laughter; Val tosses her head back and cackles.]

Maybe that's the point, yeah? Like a trap. A sadistic one. But still.

[fiercestwarrior]

There are simpler ways to do it.

[ Ones that don't involve possibly ripping your own pubes out. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

I never said these people were smart. They're clearly idiots.

[Glancing over her shoulder at the girl behind the counter:]

...No offense.